The video you’re about to watch might be the dumbest and most comically blatant attempt to claim something entirely insignificant is a part of a vast political conspiracy to brainwash your children. The video is essentially a parody of itself. The Onion had nothing to do with the creation of this video. This is actual footage from Fox News that, like much of Fox’s programming, just seems like it was created to act as a spoof — a lampooning, if you will – of terrible journalism. It’s like watching news broadcasts from Paul Verhoeven movies, like Robocop and Starship Troopers. It’s so cheesy and clearly biased that you almost feel the video is cluing you in on the fact that it’s most certainly joke and shouldn’t be taken seriously. But it was meant to be taken seriously, as the video is not a joke.
I think I’m running out of ways to describe how insanely stupid this video is. Just watch it. Watch these ridiculous parodies of intelligent humans talk about how video games like SimCity, along with one or two games even the most hardcore of gamers have never heard of, are turning your children in to mindless enviro-zombies.
Done? Did you make it through the whole thing while maintaining your brain’s state of solidity? Is it not leaking from your ears after the piercing rampage of stupidity that just broke in to your head? If so, good for you. You are stronger than most. But even you, Strongest Of The Strong, have to admit: isn’t it hard to believe you just watched that? That something like that can just, kind of, you know, happen on television and everyone just goes on with their day? Is that how low the standards for Fox News have sunk, but certainly not at Fox News? That they can clearly pull many, many pounds of absurd paranoid bullshit out of their ass live on national television and no one cares?
Christ, watching this video for a second time really reaffirms all the stupidity. It’s like doing a double-take, but a lot slower. Upon second viewing, it’s kind of like watching a panda punch an anthropomorphic pineapple in space – none of that shit makes any sense and you have no clue why you’re watching it and how you started watching it in the first place. All you know is that you are currently watching this video, and that is all. There’s no beginning; no foreseeable end. All there is is this video, and you don’t why. You don’t know the existential Why; the profound Why; the all-encompassing Why that sums up everything; the Why that we will never find an answer to.
This f*cking video is like looking directly in to God’s eyes and experiencing high levels of brain-melt as he speaks and reveals to you the grandest secrets of the universe…and they’re all disappointing as f*ck. You’re just so sad that not a single one of the grand secrets is in any way fascinating or intelligent. It almost seems like God is making all this shit up just to be able to say that he f*cked with a single person more than anyone has ever been f*cked with now and in to infinity.
Fox News, I never thought you’d out-do yourselves in the bullshit department, but for some goddamn reason that I can barely put in to words, this video has blown my mind.
Congratulations…I guess? Maybe? Or maybe I should be angry and ranting? I…I just don’t even know anymore. I truly do not. Instead…I think…I think I’ll just leave this .GIF here and cry a little over the doomed fate of humanity. Why this .GIF? I don’t know. I really don’t. It just feels right. I guess.