Can We Please Stop Frying Things?

My recent outrage at the simple act of cooking things in hot animal fat is probably misdirected, but that’s neither here nor there, and you need to stop judging. The fact of the matter is, we’re getting a little bit carried away and we, as a collective group of rational thinking, normal people need to stop frying everything that’s already edible.

Yesterday, and today “Fried Kool-Aid” was a trending topic on Twitter. Initially, I just assumed it was the name of a new Outkast album, but I decided to do my research. I discovered that it’s an actual “food” offered at the San Diego County Fair by an alchemist of a chef known as “Chicken Charlie.” He’s the one responsible for the better portion of the fried junk food items you may have seen at your own county fair. He’s the man behind fried Pop-Tarts, Thin-Mints and Klondike bars just to name a few.

I guess Chicken Charlie doesn’t watch TV, listen to the radio, or have the ability to read. Maybe that’s why he doesn’t know fried things are bad for you. But whatever. This isn’t Chicken Charlie’s fault. He’s just man with a fryer and a dream. It’s probably our own boredom and desire to slowly destroy ourselves that’s responsible for fried Kool-Aid.

Kool-Aid would top that list of things you can fry but probably shouldn’t. But what do I know? Apparently fried Kool-Aid balls were really moving at the San Diego Fair. During the fair’s opening weekend, over 9,000 Kool-Aid balls were sold. People who go to the fair like to eat fried things. They also don’t mind the smell of livestock, and they’re totally ok with getting on rides that were assembled by a man who’s changed his name more times than he’s brushed his teeth.

Where’s the end of the line on this one? When do we say enough is enough? When all the old people have died of heart attacks and when acne is still a problem for people in their forties? Or when will it be when we finally run out of things to fry? It won’t be that last one. We’ll never run out of things to fry, because if you can fry ice cream, you can pretty much fry anything. I mean, scientifically speaking. But, just because you can fry something doesn’t mean you should. And you certainly shouldn’t eat it.