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Gangstas Gettin’ Charmed Schooled

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Okay, every 20 years or so, a show comes along that represents what we as Americans stand for. And that show is “From G’s to Gents”. The show premiered last night on MTV and is executive produced by Jamie Foxx who is proving that having an Academy Award means you can film a giraffe taking a dump and TV execs will love it. Just watch the trailer and soak in all the awesomeness this show has. I love how every douchebag keeps talking about himself being a “G” and it’s all badass and mansion-style thug life up front, then it segues into the orchestra music and tears. I can’t even tell you what my favorite part is because it’s all great.

So if you’re wanting more of an inside scoop on the show — as I’m sure you do — host Fonzworth Bentley did an interview with nymag.com. Who the hell is Fonzworth Bentley, you ask? Well, aside from being the possible love child of the Fonz and Ms. Butterworth, he was apparently Puff Daddy/P. Diddy/Diddy’s assistant for a while and is the dude always wearing a suit made for a chick and carrying an umbrella at awards shows I never watch. The goal is for Fonzworth to take these rough around the edges “street” types and hone them into croquette-playing, merlot-drinking pretentious types. He has them pledge to the Gentleman’s Club and when they don’t use the right salad fork or something, they lose their membership. Genius television.

A few of my favorite exchanges from the interview are after the jump.

Have you always been a gent?
You know, I didn’t really have much G-dom, if you will. But I can tell you a quick story about how I ended up in etiquette school. When I was young it was a habit of mine to push my food onto my fork. My mama said, “You know if you keep doing that, you’re going to etiquette school.” Sure enough, she sent me to class, and it was freakin’ horrible. Now fast-forward to my sophomore year at Morehouse College. Evin Cosby [Bill's daughter] was a freshman, and she invited a group of us to her house. Towards the end of dinner, Bill looked over at me and said, “I like the way you use your cutlery.” Man, I didn’t even know he was watchin’! I got up from the table, called my mama, and said, “Mama. Thank you for sending me to etiquette school that summer!” You never know who’s watching.

You were very into the pocket square for awhile. What item does every gent today need to be wearing?
Definitely the pocket square , I’m just going to continue to mass this into culture until it sticks. You know, everything in fashion is derived from some function. There’s a pocket there , it ain’t there just to look cute. Put a pocket square there. If you waste something on yourself, if your lady wastes something on herself, or if you’re not a gentleman for the day and you’re having to make a cry, you’re prepared for that.

Why do you call yourself the Penguin?
I’ve always been with the penguins , I wrote a song for my upcoming album called “The Penguin.” The way I look at it, the penguin is the flyest bird , he wears a tuxedo every day, but he can’t fly! But what if he tried? I’m gonna represent that penguin that can really fly. Two years after I wrote the song, March of the Penguins came out, and let me tell you, I was there opening weekend! I was one of the few, I was one of the few. But I was there, first row, for March of the Penguins. That was confirmation for me that things coming up in my writing, subject matter, made sense.

That Bill Cosby story really hits home with me. I had a similar experience when I was ten at camp and was taking a dump in the stall with no door, and my camp counselor walked by and said “you pinch a nice loaf”. I called my parents immediately and thanked them for potty training me. Seriously, my parents would have only sent me to etiquette school because it would make a good story and if I ever thanked them for it — even to this day — they would kick me in the balls until I have to make a cry.

As for the pocket square, I don’t care if every human on earth had one and chicks will only have sex with you if you have one, I will never own a pocket square. Okay, maybe if it’s the only way to have sex, or maybe wipe my ass. And what the hell is he talking about? March of the Penguins was his confirmation that great things were coming? That’s like someone watching Ghost and then saying they can’t wait to die because then they will have had sex with Demi Moore. Or be inside Whoopi Goldberg, which is just really gross.

God, this show is one awesome train wreck.

2 Responses to "Gangstas Gettin’ Charmed Schooled"

  1. tbo says:

    the simpsons did it

  2. Farticus says:

    it IS about a salary, and yes it is about reality; thank you very much Eric Lynn Wright!