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5 Things It’s Always Sunny Should Sell in Their Online Store

 
There are only two things that we wait in eager anticipation for: sex with an actual woman, and It’s Always Sunny in Philadelphia every Thursday night. Lucky for us, half of our dreams are about to come true, because tonight is premier of Season 5 of It’s Always Sunny on FX.  Our eagerness recently led us to the Sunny Website, where The Gang sells some merch that’s been featured in the program, like cool t-shirts and a greenman suit for much cheaper than you’d think it would be.  Much to our chagrine, however, we noticed that some crucially memorable items were missing from their inventory, so we decided to put together a list of a few key props from the past 4 Sunny seasons that should be made available via their online store ASAP:
 
A Gun
Season One’s "Gun Fever" episode taught us a very important lesson about firearms: they’re awesome.  After seeing how much fun Mac and Dennis, and even a reluctant Charlie had with a gun (despite Charlie getting shot in the head), it’s really a surprise that there are no firearms of any kind available for purchase from the show’s website (legal issues aside).  It’s like the worst cocktease ever, because instead of a cock it’s a deadly firearm that, as we learned, can solve a lot of problems.
 
 
 
A Billboard of Danny DeVito and Boobs
 
 

The Billboard episode in Season 4 was overflowing with awesome props. We could’ve suggested a baby pool filled with shit, a bowl of live roaches, or any one of Sweet Dee’s ridiculous character costumes, but we like Danny DeVito, and we really like boobs, so this billboard is the obvious choice.  Plus, who doesn’t want their own billboard?  Everyone does! That’s what the whole billboard episode was about.  Anyway, boobs.  (We couldn’t find any clips online that contain the final shot of the billboard itself, so here’s another clip from the same episode.)
 
 
 
Wooden Teeth
 
 
One of the most memorable props from season 4 has to be Mac’s wooden teeth from the "Cracking of the Liberty Bell" episode, which is one of our favorites, and probably one of the best written Sunny episodes of the season (although the writing throughout the entire series is absolutely phenomenal).  In the episode, which takes place entirely in 1776, Mac insists on wearing wooden teeth to express his devotion to the revolutionaries, even while he and Dennis are trying to feign loyalty to the British. There aren’t a lot of wooden teeth around these days, so the gang’s webstore would probably make a killing on these puppies. This is one of our favorite scenes from the entire season:
 
 
 
Some Crack
 
  
 
In season 2, Dennis and Dee get hooked on crack in an attempt to qualify for welfare, which makes perfect sense when you think about it.  The problem with crack, though, is that it’s difficult to obtain.  First, you have to know where to look, and then you have to not get ripped off, and even if you make it that far through the process, you still have to work really hard to not get arrested for possessing it.  Somebody needs to make getting crack cocaine a little easier for us common folk.  This is where Sunny‘s online store could provide a much needed service.  Plus, who’s gonna buy a gun and not buy some crack, too?
 
 
 
The "One Night in Charlie’s Shoes" Supply Kit
 
 
When Sweet Dee tried to spend a day in Charlie’s shoes last season, we learned that Charlie sticks to a strict bedtime regiment of cat food, glue huffing, and beer, in order to sleep through the night.  This is clearly not a good routine to get into (as Charlie’s life indicates), but we think everyone could benefit from one night in Charlie’s piss-soaked long underwear, creepy twin ghosts and all.
 
 
Don’t forget, Season 5 starts tonight at 10pm on FX.  Also, if you’re lucky enough to live in a reputable city, check out The Gang’s live performance of "The Nightman Cometh" from the Season 4 finale (you can also watch a taping of the live performance in the Special Features of the Season 4 DVD).  Here’s a schedule.  Try really hard not to miss it.

17 Responses to "5 Things It’s Always Sunny Should Sell in Their Online Store"

  1. LA0811 says:

    What ep did sweet Dee walk in Charlies shoes? Was it the poop ep?

  2. katie says:

    fillibuster

  3. Ali+It'sAlSunnyInPhilly=Lmfao says:

    omg this show is awesome!
    you guys love the show as much as i do,
    this season is gonna be one hell of a ride!
    charlie is the best, i would’ve so bought the charlie supply kit. best show ever!
    the first episode was great :)

  4. Caty says:

    best show ever. I love how blatantly offensive it is. I’m pretty sure Sweet Dee and Dennis might write popewatchnow.wordpress.com it’s just that offensive/awesome.

  5. nerd says:

    Best. Show. Ever.

    and it’s spelled “feign” guys.

  6. Anonymouss says:

    holy shit I feel like I just read an advertisement promoting the new season of some stupid show. it’s impossible to make product placement funny. maybe it wouldn’t have been quite so obvious if there weren’t 15 other advertisements for the exact some show on the page.

  7. justin says:
    They paid for the homepage takeover, but they didn’t pay us to write this article.  We did it because we f*ckin’ love this show, and we’ve been waiting for months for tonight’s premier.  Seriously, it’s the best show on television besides Chocolate News….what? Chocolate News got cancelled? Noooo!!!!!!!!!!
  8. cereal killer says:

    is someone pointing a gun at you?

    …hehe just kidding …i like the show,too

  9. Al-P says:

    Hey, anonamouss, FUCK YOU ITS NOT A STUPID SHOW.

  10. Anaughtybear says:

    This show is brilliant, mainly for the way that the cast are all just awful people. They have no moral compass at all, and pretty much every episode ends with them right back where they started. My vote for the store items would be the Nazi paraphernalia that belonged to Dennis’ grandfather.

  11. s3xt0y says:

    Can’t wait til 10 tonight, I love this show.
    The crack episode was one of the best.

  12. MrKillson says:

    Went to the site.
    Couldn’t find the Greenman suit.
    Very disappointed.

  13. justin says:
    I hyperlinked the text above.  Only $70.  Send us a picture of your girlfriend wearing it!
  14. Scone says:

    My friends and I bought 2 24s of Natty for the grand occasion tonight.

    We’re gonna take a drink everytime someone is an asshole or we see one of them take a drink.

    It’s gonna be a long night.

  15. cbad says:

    gun fever was season 1 not 3

  16. justin says:
    You are absolutely right.  Thanks.
  17. Master Of None says:

    i’ve never seen this show.