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The Girlfriend Application

Let’s face it, most men are shallow pigs. So, in an effort to illustrate to all the women of the world how the typical male brain works, we give you the job application you’re unknowingly filling out on a first date.

87 Responses to "The Girlfriend Application"

  1. 34H says:

    a guy that says a vagina is cold and heartless, and declares an asshole warm and inviting is gay if you ask me. Most women willing to give up their cooch so easy are pretty warm and inviting, wouldn’t you think?

  2. Man2 says:

    I pay attention to whats inside a girl for about 15 minutes at a time.

  3. lol u suck n thats sad says:

    konichiwa bitches (yes this a song too lol)
    lol this is funny ass hell … but some guys should be lucky enough to even get a chick … i mean if ur hot ok then go and give this to some girls to fill out …. but if ur ugly and still live at home then be lucky that anyone (let alone a sexy chick)shows some inrest in you…..

  4. JRod says:

    Female species huh?
    I take it you’re not a biologist…

  5. The Situation says:

    Why would I ask her hobbies? That answer is universal: “shopping, bitching, looking hot”

    As far as the rest of your pointless comment… who cares?
    Method to their madness? The end result of their “madness” is getting dumped.

  6. KittenMittens says:

    Blonde or Exotic looking. Really? 90% of blondes are ugly.

  7. The_Answer says:

    who wants their asshole stretched out? nobody but skanky bitches who try to fit a porn start image to please some little dicked dude.

  8. any nonamous says:

    “Let’s face it, most men are shallow pigs. So, in an effort to illustrate to all the women of the world how the typical male brain works, we give you the job application you’re unknowingly filling out on a first date.”

    thanks for reminding me how little women actually know about men.

  9. PrettyinRed says:

    Men NEED to also ask a girl what are her career plans besides living on a Man’s paycheck!

    Do you have any interests or hobbies that you are pursuing, at this time!

    Men NEED to ask if you were me, you would like to date you!

    How many Kids do you want and if you would agree to a permanent birth control method.

    Men NEED to take a class with 98% women and find out what their REALLY all about and what makes them tick, how they think, what type of person they hang out with in class, who they talk to, who they ignore, how they participate in class listen to their comments, when they speak up and when they don’t speak up cuz all of this means something — there is a method to their madness! EVERYTHING THEY DO — IS –FOR A REASON, they just don’t do something to do it, there is a definite reason. All of these actions are related as to how they act outa class! Oh, and as one guy put it, never, ever drink on the job! You need all your faculties for this one!

  10. WTFYRUTrippin?. says:

    I think many Ladies out there see the “Application” as an insult and don’t see the humor of it! Oh and probably take themselves a little, too serious, too busy smelling their own shite… Ladies! We men are loving this, it illustrates our carnal nature… The “App” indicates in its simple one page double space form. What we are looking for and if, you don’t want to get with the Fn program, See Ya! The sooner you understand and face it, the happier you will be… Additionally, stop trying to run everything, not everyone is going to treat you like a princess and let you get away with the keys to the shop, bank, house, car, credit card, etc…! Also, we don’t really want to hear your EMOTIONALLY laced, tear infused, “Why me?” babble about your EX(s)! Keep that Shite to yourself! It’s your lunch, you eat it! Oh and before, I start getting Hater Posts from the Natural or Not So Natural Bleached Blondes or otherwise, sit back, take a Pamprin/Midol and have a glass of wine! You might, just realize that smell is coming from you! Not us! We the Poor Pigs, you’ve been lying to! I hope you see the humor!



  11. Modelbuilder says:

    I think that app. is funny as all get out LOL but he forgot to ask if ” do you do ORAL “

  12. guess who says:

    Well I am inclined to believe that this app was the work of the male dumb ass gene and not even a hint of intelligence. Hence this app was created by a male. Sorry guy I think the female species is smarter than this. At lease I hope so.


  13. CandyGirl says:

    I just honestly thought it was funny. I dont think it makes men shallow to have the first things they observe be looks. Women do it to, but of the personality. Its ok, I knew this was meant to be funny because one not all men are this way and two not all women are that way. you ladies up there need to lighten up, get an effin funny bone.

  14. AnonymousDani says:

    Ok so first of all this is HILARIOUS…second of all both men and women can be shallow…I definitely have tried to date a man or woman that I wasn’t totally attracted to but had a lot of great qualities and it didn’t work…also…size does matter to a certain point…that’s all! :)

  15. a female says:

    … i hate shopping.
    and i can be bitchy… but i know guys bitchier than me and i tell them they are being bitchy.
    method to madness..
    i don’t do everything.. having a reason… that’s like having everything planned out… why would you plan your whole day out un purposely.. that doesn’t make sense.
    just saying.
    but what i find funny..
    is that this application doesn’t have a spot for a picture..
    i mean really… guys are gonna end up choosing a girl who they beleive sounds hott.. when the only two choices are blonde or exotic.. well say she is a brunette… she’ll circle exotic because.. there isn’t any other choice.. and we all know brunettes are NOT blondes.. haha…. but say this brunette is ugly as sin…
    have fun mister.

    and yes girls are shallow.. but not EVERY girl cares about what a guy drives or how much money he has..
    some girls like being able to support themselves and i personally would rather have my own good car than have a guy drive me around in his car… i can drive too…

  16. Michael Bob says:

    Currently Printing out so my current Fiance can re apply.

  17. Al says:

    this is so sexist and uninformed lol

  18. Somebody says:

    “at lease”? It would most likely be best for you to know what you’re saying before you try to insult someone’s intelligence you stupid bitch.

  19. Angela says:

    I love you Dwight.

  20. roach says:

    Well, now that’s retarded huh? I hope your job doesn’t give you an application 5 years into working for them….

  21. mer says:


  22. Joe Blow says:

    What a stupid assumption — “most men are shallow pigs.” But if a man makes specific grievances about one specific woman who fucked him over, he is labeled an asshole or a pig anyway, but it’s OK and even politically correct for women to generalize men like the anonymous (cowardly) author did here.

  23. anonymous me says:

    they forgot “do you have a previously undisclosed penis?”

  24. Girl says:

    man, it’s totally true. The comments are so much more humorous than the actual post, which i thought was hilarious.

  25. Jessi Woods says:

    No way dude thats like totally insane! Are you kidding me??


  26. Todd says:

    Yeah, as if girls are any less shallow. Breast size might be dick size, money he makes, or car he drives lol. You’re no better, just shallow in a different way.

  27. a male says:

    for someone attempting to insult the intelligence level of someone else, you sure did come off like a dumb ass… just throwing that out there.

    work on your grammar, spelling, and work on that breast size, then get back to me.

  28. a male says:

    at the moment, it seems like you would like your asshole stretched. keep your mouth shut or i’ll put it in there too. i bet you wont like the taste of that.

    on a more serious note, anal sex is great if you know what you’re doing, take it slow, and use lots of lube… its warm and cozy in there. as opposed to the vagina, which is more inclined to be cold and heartless. ;)

  29. ame says:

    love the last one – not opposed to anal sex ! haha

  30. PrettyinRed says:

    Todd, You NEED to take a class that has 98% women in there and REALLY find out what their all about!
    Observe them like in a science lab class and you will learn a lot!!

  31. PrettyinRed says:

    This application wouldn’t work, because the majority of men are HOOKED on looks, so the rest doesn’t matter.

    He doesn’t care if she has a mind or not. Like one man put it, “You pay for it”.

    If men would pay more attention to what’s inside of a girl instead of looks, you might end up with a more “genuine” partner.

    I’m talking to all you men out there, I strongly advise to take a class that has 98% women and you will learn so so much!!

  32. Phinn says:

    Simply awesome…. Bravo Tripp!

  33. Last one says:

    So on the guys questionaire is the same question, but “with dildo or threesome” added. Not an eye for an eye, but an asshole for an asshole.

  34. Every Woman says:

    DUDES…..we do get why you ask such dumb questions, but DO YOU GET that we will NEVER EVER answer them honestly!!! Well except maybe for the having a tatoo question, that writing will be clearly written on our…. bums!!!!! Good luck dudes…we’re way ahead of you!!!!

  35. Nice says:

    Being opposed to anal gets more points taken off than boob size IMO.

  36. An Ex Ole Lady says:

    Has anyone seen C.K. Dexter Haven? I’ve been trying to find hom for years.

  37. AshleighYaya says:

    All I know is that guys are amazing.


    This application would be convenient.

  38. LuckyGotGirlfriend says:

    This is interesting. Luckily i already married with a beautiful girl. It will be great if all girlfriends fill in the application.

  39. jess_2001@msn.com says:

    I know im gonna get a lot of hate mail for this lol but that application was not even bad I mean it could have had thing on there like spit/swallow or a multitude of other things. How is that any different than dating someone ? if your dating a girl your going to know if she is fat or skinny, your going to eventually find out what they are like in bed. I’m going to tell you this to, when I was younger they had one an app like this for the female perspective and no one made a big deal out of it. In fact I had quite a few guys fill it out because it was amusing to see what they would write. If any girls are taking offense to this then they have no sense of humor or they are just being offensive because at heart maybe they do like that stuff. These are all just questions I have been asked by boyfriends its no big deal, I answer honestly.

  40. joshua23sg says:

    It will be great if girlfriend is willing to fill the application forms.

  41. AnonymousM says:

    I’m a female and I’d have to say, although sad…it’s pretty dead on. It’s really too bad that who we really are doesn’t count for that much. However, let’s face it ladies…most of these things are important to us too. No one wants to date someone unattractive =/

    Congratulations for stating the obvious in a sad world.

  42. Phil Jones says:

    This must be the “American” application. It has the boxes for names of people she gave and shared STDs with.
    I think some of your moms should fill this out since i’m sure she is a dirty filthy whore. That enjoys drinking from a pond that has green algae and dead animals floating in it.

  43. Anonymous362436 says:

    I happen to be a very intelligent woman and was not offended by this in any sort of way. It’s a joke people get over yourselves.

  44. jess_2001@msn.com says:

    not every girl is that shallow, nor does every girls day consist of shopping and bitching. All that is an acquired thing they learn from parents friends etc. I cannot stand shopping, in fact I have my mom or grandma shop for most of my clothes I refuse to step foot in a mall. I do however have a ton of guy friends and enjoy doing things like riding dirt bikes and snowmobiles but im sure as far as you are concerned that would be a bad thing to because that makes me not girly enough.

  45. jess_2001@msn.com says:

    You are very right, I actually found it quite humorous because its more or less true from what I can see lol. Maybe not the blonde or exotic part though.

  46. Anonymous 0711 says:

    I feel like this is a females idea of what a guys ‘girlfriend application’ would look like. Further more, this application is really only true for certain types of guys. And guys looking for certain things… basically, its a tool looking to get laid. Not a decent guy looking for a life partner. Secondly, all the girls saying this is sexist and guys shouldn’t be so superficial are just being hypocritical. Girls are just as bad as guys when it comes to judging on looks. I’m on a rowing team with a bunch of girls and the way we talk about guys is probably matched if not worse to way guys talk about girls. We look at them just like a piece of meat half the time. Ladies, don’t get mad they’re superficial and only want sex… you can be just as superficial and only want sex too. There’s nothing wrong with that at all. Further more, this application does not boast the whole blond hair and big boobs idea. That may work for some guys, but it doesn’t work for all and ladies need to realize that. You can be just as sexy and attractive with pale skin and red hair. It’s all in the confidence and the way you work it. Basically, don’t complain about guys and their likes in woman. The woman’s application for a guy, really isn’t much better (you just don’t want to admit that size matters).

  47. Phinn says:

    Hey! Let’s not take the fun out of this. I think this is hilariously funny and weather you like it or not, I bet it’s pretty accurate (yes, I’m female). I see suggestions for you boys to sit in a classroom of 98% women in order to learn something about us. That’s crap…. buy yourself a couple women’s magazines. I recommend Cosmopolitan (20ish) Glamour (30′s) and More (40′s). Look around all the shopping and Make-up and you will find tons of information on how women think. I myself credit Esquire magazine with my never ending study of you beautiful beasts ;) . And Ladies, there are a lot of women who enjoy anal sex and they’re not all “skanky whores”. Don’t be afraid to try it with someone you trust.

    Hey HT! How about working on an Application for a Boyfriend??

  48. lol u suck n thats sad says:

    opps sorry to repost this i made an error…..
    konichiwa bitches (yes this is a song too lol)
    lol this is funny ass hell … but some guys should be lucky enough to even get a chick … i mean if ur hot ok then go and give this to some girls to fill out …. but if ur ugly and still live at home then be lucky that anyone (let alone a sexy chick)shows some inrest in you…..

    just saying

  49. wastingtime08 says:

    wow, it is a joke..i cant believe people actually get offened by this application. i am a female and think it is hilarious. end of story. that’s what jokes are for..to laugh at.

  50. Miss. Anonymous says:

    you’re a pig. and what kind of cheap school are you sending this hot chick where it is cheaper than plastic sergery?

  51. Anonymous YEAH! says:

    @Obvious, Capt.: you’re such an ignorant!
    is it better to look pretty and be stupid than looking not that pretty and be intelligent? loser!

  52. Anonymouss says:

    “you’re such an ignorant!”


  53. DamnCali says:

    Is this that whole can’t fix stupid thing?…cause its cheaper to send a hot chick back to school than to send an ugly chick to a plastic surgeon.

  54. Anonymous Q says:


  55. TaintingJazz says:

    A REAL man (is hard to find) = http://bit.ly/14GFZq

  56. Jon Rondo says:

    Disgusting on at least two levels

  57. Obvious, Capt. says:


    Yeah, if you’re as fugly as Jocelyn it’s pretty hard to find anyone. God damn, get a straightening iron and a dentist!

  58. misc says:

    why are these women out of the kitchen?

  59. R says:

    So that you’ll be forced to starve.

  60. The Souless Ginger says:

    Gingers have souls! Alright?!

    Now, DonkeyXote, I think I may have come across a bit harsh earlier, so I just wanted to say how much I’d like for you to go and eat a bag of dicks, you fuckin’ dick bag eater.

    No one here likes you. Not even Noah the Intern.

  61. Dwight K. Schrute says:

    Way to repost, idiots!

  62. DonkeyXote says:

    Oh FUCK UP MAN! It’s worth the re-post for those of us new to this joint.

  63. The Souless Ginger says:

    Why don’t you shut the fuck up, DonkeyXote. No one here likes your stupid ass anyway.

  64. Uber Alles says:

    Yeah . . . way to fuck up that joke by making it way too goddamn long. Kill yourself.

  65. DonkeyXote says:

    Carrot Top up there appears to act all tough and shit because of his distict lack of soul, intense orange and pasty white skin. Yet he seems to forget that curious resemblence to slinkies, which are not much fun at all except when you push them down the stairs!

    Let me buy you a pack of gum and I’ll show you how to chew it, jack ass!

  66. Alice says:

    It was way more fun reading your guy’s comments than the actual post. Keep it going! XD

  67. Tiger Diesel says:

    Why don’t you two ladies get back to work on your feature film you’re starring in: Brokeback Mountain 2: The Search for More AIDS. It’ll be like a second honeymoon for you two fanny bandits. Bonus: Then you two rump rangers can go down to your local supermarket and buy each other an anniversary present. Maxi pads, super absorbant.

  68. DonkeyXote's Mother says:

    I like his greasey ass on my face.

  69. Average Good Looking Guy says:

    You know I’ve been with a few women and the ones I was serious with on long term relationship I was perfectly happy to be with and had no need to consider other women, this is coming from a guy that loves beautiful women form etc and can’t get enough. Now I’ve never made any judgement as per the above form just that she had to look good and be herself. Well, I’ve a couple serious relationships crash literally… betrayed royally and not because I was doing anything wrong but that they had their own issues… perhaps I should switch to using a list like this and expanding it with more profile details to discover real quality woman I can live my life happily with… I know there are a lot of good women in NA but right now this seems like a dream… not sure if there are any available in NA anymore with good quality values and balance in life.

  70. Seth says:

    Hahahaha priceless

  71. e cig says:

    This is classic. HAHAHA

  72. porn zombie says:

    this is the stuff you should stick with HT, this is hilarious

  73. pratik says:

    First name only! Well played, HT… well played.

  74. classic says:

    one of best posts i’ve seen. will def print some of these out

  75. SB says:

    Another repost?

    What’s happening to my beloved HT?

  76. Anonymouss says:


  77. The Souless Ginger says:

    Too bad that Holy Taco readers will never be able to use such an application.

  78. Cheryl @ 46 says:

    I am glad to see that some guy’s are awesome and except women for who they are. My husband sent me this link. For what?
    If he didn’t check out other women who are younger and more beautiful, then what is this suppose to prove. ( btw, this is something he would never admit, not even to himself)
    It’s one thing to talk the talk, but to walk the walk is another.
    If he love’s me for who I am, then maybe, just maybe I wouldn’t try to go out into the world of plastic surgery.
    His eye’s wonder in public and that make’s me insecure.
    I feel like I am losing my look’s and that fact that he seem’s attracted to women younger and more beautiful woman make’s me want to improve myself and make effort’s to improve myself. Let’s face it, men are very visual. Men don’t do the double takes on older women, let’s be real, they don’t even notice them. They are checking out the gorgeous hostess at the restaurant. They are not thinking, hmmm.. which woman in here has the best personality! I don’t want to sound like I have a problem with men, but stop showing interest, even the most subtle interest
    (guy’s your not fooling anyone, we know your looking) to other women because it hurt’s us. Especially if your marriage is rocky. The woman describing her boob job admits her husband likes it. What kind of message does that send? A very accurate one!

  79. Last one says:

    That is rambling thoughts. Both men and women are visual, are attracted initially through what they expect, from what they see; Men how they’d treat the object they see, women how they’d be treated by the object they see.

    If the woman is horny, the treatment she visualizes is lusty, can even be the imagined “virtual unknown rapist.”

  80. Anonymous362436 says:

    Listen to you nagging your partner. Like you don’t drool at the mouth when a gorgeous hunk of a man walks by. Like you don’t have an occassional side long look. Looks are looks and are not to be taken personally. This world is based on beauty and face it youth is beautiful. The only time you need to be worried is when the looks turn into actions. Believe in yourself and the time you two have invested in the relationship.

  81. Anonymous Girl says:

    i find it funny… especially the part “how many men have you slept with” then actual men you slept with.. guys lie too! dont deny it!

  82. job seeker says:

    I think this app is missing the “crazy” question. Are you on any anti depressants? I know this is wrong and ignorant, but you are missing the big picture. This is how a man’s mind is wired. Sterotypes about gold digging woman are true too because we are wired to look for the best nest. This is nature not a think tank. I think this just pokes fun at it.

  83. Tori says:

    so honestly I think that every female who is proposing that every guy should sit in on a class with 98% females is just plain dumb…All you women who believe this and say its not based on looks and a relationship is only based on connecting emotionally and not physically, are well wrong!
    You have o have some sort of physical attraction to the person you’re dating, fucking, fooling around with for it to be successful. Sorry but its trueand all of you who say its not…you’re just plain ugly and insecure.

  84. Gross says:

    wow. Obviously this guy isn’t getting action of any sort, as he has time to sit down and create this. haha!

  85. MeganKristine says:

    Y’all girls are freaking out over NOTHING. See the humor? I laughed. Especially at the anal part haha. Liking anal doesn’t make you a slut, it makes you more inclined to do what it takes to please your man!