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25 Leaked Celebrity Cell Phone Pics
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Zooey Deschanel Hotness
Female Murderers You’d Probably Go Home With
Don’t ask, don’t tell.
Private Smith immediately regretted missing Taps to watch Nalin Palin.
When you get that itching, cracking, burning, get Boom! Tough actin’ Tinactin,
puss, this trick is meant to be done with your bare hands
Break time at Club Gitmo
Stop drop and roll is for pussies.
“My crotch burns for you and could use a pounding, but, damn, i didn’t realize you had such a big ‘hammer’……This is gonna hurt a little”
“Without the fire it would just be dumb.”
“The military’s vision of ‘Hot Pants’ were a little off…”
The few, the proud , the stupid
That’s my burning wood
Wack a mole, hell no Wack a Joe
The president did not realize just how far the “Dont ask, don’t tell” policy was going to go until today.
OUT!HELLSPAWN!OUT OF THIS POOR SOULS LOINS!..SPIT NOT YOURHEELFIRE AT ME!
“This is my rifle…
This is my gun…
This is my flaming chunk of concrete…
Oh, oww, what the hell???”
And he said, as he swung the mallet, “Fire-crotch, NO MORE!”
The Armed Forces try new forms of fund-raising, as effects of tough economic times are widespread.
Sgt. McHammerPenis verse Private HolyCrapThereIsaFlamingBrickOnMyCrotch Johnson
Eureka! So thats where the 515.4 billion dollars of military spending went…!
The Red Neck X Games never really took off.
So…That’s how you club a seal!!
Crank dat, Soldier Boy!!!!
And now a P.S.A.
“Gnorrea, yea it’s kinda like that.”
Of course I will lay on that guy while you hammer me…what the hell is this block and lighter fluid for…oh shit this is not what I thought you meant!
“Holy shit we gotta save Gary he’s about to be burned alive! You get the hammer, I’ll go bend down behing him!”
Punishment for cock blocking the Sergeant
This better rid me of crabs or i’ll be pissed.
Soldiers practicing new sex games they learned in Iraq.
Dude, I’m #1…. NIIICE!
“… drinking his beer in the background, Alexei knew the cream would have been better…”
DO NOT FOLLOW THROUGH… CHECK THAT F@CKIN’ SWING, MAN!!!
There are some things you just DO NOT need to experience, to know that the end result will be bad…
Smashing your d1ck with a hammer, is one of those things!
Battle Buddies. 8 out of 10 doctors recommend for ridding yourself of that annoying jock itch.
“Gonorrhea treatment excels after Iraqi liberation”
ah, goodtimes. This is when the Sarg whipped out his hammer and bricked all over my flaming crotch…such a massive load…
ahhhhhhhhhh I knew I shoulda joined the navy instead.
This game of leapfrog went horribly wrong.
Sergeant Andrews is seen here demonstrating the cure for Fire Crotch, should any of the young soldiers get the desire to try to bed Lindsay Lohan while on leave.
The most potent form of birth control, to date.
Soviet Russia do not take kindly to morning wood.
“I must break you…………testicles.”
Fire boarding
“I love the smell of burning pubes in the morning! Smells like victory.”
Real men don’t take “salt peter”.
And I though Major Payne was bad.
Waterboarding is for pussies.
The worst part about the success of “The Surge”: free time for Marines.
Prepare to get nut checked…
“Troopers! I have just received new orders. Our superiors say the war is canceled, and we can all go home. Bison is getting paid off for his crimes, and our friends will have died here… will have died for nothing. But… we can all go home. Meanwhile, ideals like these – freedom, and justice – they get packed up. But… we can all go home. Well… I’m not going home. I’m gonna go out in front of a crowd, and I’m going to light a cinder block on fire, and I’m going to lodge it in that son-of-a-bitch Bison’s crotch with a sledgehammer so HARD… that the next Bison wanna-be is gonna feel it. Now who wants to go home… and who wants to go with ME!”
Fire nuts!! can i get a HOOORAH?!
this game is fucking stupid. seriously i’m done holding the cinder block now you’re next andy.
The US Military protests Linsay Lohan with a day full of painful metaphors.
Right in the private’s privates!
This would be the WORST time to get a boner.
Hey, it beats my method of boner training, which involves suspending a ceiling fan 3 inches above my junk and surfing YouPorn.
I don’t know about you but I couldn’t ejaculate with all that going on
I thought I read somewhere that Paris Hilton was doing some USO shows, the fiery GI crotch confirms the stories.
FOR DAVID HASSELHOFF!
“Bad erection! Bad, bad erection!!!”
“I’ve got B-B-B-Ba-Ba-Ba-Ba-Balls-Balls-Balls of Steel!”
“You stop f&%king crying soldier! This is how we cure AIDS in the ussr!
Tax dollars hard at work.
- Waching Holytaco instead of studying: Grade C.
- Deciding to write captions instead of wankin’: 10 minutes.
- Waching a happy trooper getting a burning cinderblock crushed through his croch: Satisfying!
- Glorifying that you’re not the retard who enlisted to experience a coin purse genocide by a furious wank, the very same second as your parents walk in the door: priceless (and the feeling of wanting to die rapidly in a deep abyss hoping your mom will have forgotten the sight of your penis at your funeral).
-btw. Mountain Dew, 2$!
Quote from sex drive: “Every man has some fantasy with some other dude, but you’ve got to bury that sh!t down way deep, this is America God damn it.”
Cirqe-De-Sol’e? Nah man!
I’d rather see Marine-De-La-Dumb Shit!!!
“I told you messin’ with Amy Whinehouse was a mistake!!”
“Mom, can we return my G.I. Joe toys?”
“Quick Tera Reid is coming!”
“This is the closest they will let me get to hitting you in the sack with this sledge hammer.”
This is why we said no gays in the military
fire extinguisher? nah. this’ll get it out
An Army of Dumb
. . . and the army tests its new sledgehammer/fire proof penis shields.
So THAT’S how it is in their family
“The cement was wet when i put it in, but i couldn’t finish before it dried.” Marines will fuck anything!
Now thats freindly fire.
The army’s solution to gayness.
Kill it, kill it with fire.
They had to tape their balls to the bottom brick too.
…see what you do is light the crabs on fire than smack them with a sledgehammer when they try to escape
“Remember this, boys! This is, metaphorically speaking, how my crotch felt after I had a sultry night of passionate lovemaking with that hooker in Shanghai. ALWAYS use a condom! Lesson learned?!”
Britney Spears decided to go back home because Rehab just wasn’t for her.
That’s how hard my cock is!
DAMN LINDSAY LOHAN AND HER FIRE-CROTCH!!!!!!!
THIS IS MY HAMMER, THERE ARE MANY LIKE IT BUT THIS ONE IS MINE!!
The U.S. Government’s way of preventing U.S. Soldiers from raping children of Iraq.
The new re-release of Demi Moore in GI Jane has great deleted scenes….
“The block is hot, the block is hot!”
One block for Home Depot…….$2.50
One Can of Kerosene…….$5.50
One match……..$0.01
Having your buddy smash a flaming block on your balls to show how manly you are…..Priceless.
Come on Sarge, quit bustin’ my balls.
OMG!!! He’s on fire, grab something, anything to put it out…!!!
Lindsay Lohan in a shot from her upcoming movie, Labor Pains.
Can’t we just try Penicillin first?
I swear it Sergeant , I *wasn’t* looking in the shower
1 second abs
“the advanced cock push up”
the flame retardant ball bag was a success, now onto the armor piercing butt plugs
And in this part of training we show our Privates what its like to catch VD from Iraqi hookers.
You’re breaking my balls Sarge, you’re breaking my balls!
” I fell in to a burning game of fire. The hammer went down, down, down but the flames went higher. And it burned , burned, burned the block of fire, the block of fire”
New inside information finally gives us perspective on why we are loosing the war. We have been training recruits with sledge hammers to break burning bricks. This is not the “Karate Kid” it’s a real war. WTF is this technique going to do to help when you are getting your butt shot at in Iraq?
Im burnin, Im burnin , Im burnin for UUUUUU
sneak photos from the” Real tree Camo ” testing facility!
Ok Ok I’ll never vote for Obama again!!
How they get rid of boners in the army
“HURRY! i just shat a flaming, rock bearing soldier from my sphinkter… PUT IT OUT!
rookies are so easy tell them everythings a ritual and the will do anything.No wonder im getting that promotion
I pulled out and turned over, but it’s still burning…
dont hit it again …. I think I sharted
Strongest evidence yet that the “Don’t Ask, Don’t Tell” policy isn’t working!
Sargeant, don’t slam me too hard or I might bust.
damn this shit is soo hawt, your gonna bust my nut in no time.
“The other guys made it look easy!!!”
Thats odd meat puppets usually go for the face in their fits of rage. Even if your crotch IS on fire
Demonstration of survival skills lesson 3: Making fire
Whatever I’ve done much worse with hookers.
Festivities came to a brief but awkward halt when the flaming block shattered to reveal Private Patterson’s raging boner.
You mean, if I leave a caption I can win a copy of “SOCOM – Confrontation with a Bluetooth headset”?
I am guessing that the premise of this game is that your character is confronted with a Bluetooth headset? Does a fight to the death between you and the Bluetooth headset ensue?
It sounds like a fun game.
This gives a whole new meaning to the phrase cock block!
Guy holding sledge: Hey Gary, does this hammer make me look gay?
Fire Crotch: BUSY HERE!!!
Wait! i thaid my brick ith thor!
And that’s what acid reflux is like.
Uncle Sam regretted the typo on their new slogan..” join the army…drive a red hot hummer, your buddies have yer back”
in strict adherence to the ‘don’t ask, don’t tell’ policy.. there were new guidelines for treatment of flaming homosexuals. Larry, the ‘drill’ sargeant still wondered why he was on all fours.
Saturday afternoon at the soccer match.. the ‘Fightin’ Camouflagers ‘
of Milberry University decided on a new way to break the tie after the penalty kicks.
Soon Joe regretted not reading the full contents of the Erection Control Program folder more carefully before signing up
“Military issued vasectomies? Ouch….”
Can I get some info on this I would love to attend!
Kyle’s public circumcision was not going as well as he hoped
P. Bush was just bored with all the regular drills for the past 7 years so he requested something more entertaining: “Rock, Fire, and Sledge Hammer”
and the winner gets to go hunting with Dick Cheney.
Wellington Academy Has Seriously Upped their Training since Damon Wayans Led Madison Prep to Victory.
“Eh Eh Eh”
Hammer Time
Hit me baby one more time!!! thank you sir may I have another
This is why soldiers don’t get leave in Tijuana.
Crackers be crazy!
“I HEREBY PRONOUNCE YOU PWN3D!”
Hey, I hate red-heads too.
Someone call Guinness – this kidney stone is ridiculous.
“Seriously guys, quit goofin’ off and help me find my contact”
Russian soccer kicks ass!
If your partner is willing to go ass-to-ass, you can expect a burning crotch.
Stop being such a pansy it’s just a little fire!
Fly swatters are for weaklings this is how we kill bugs!
I said my stomach not my nutz, Jackass. Geeesh
My nutz, my nutz, my nutz is on fire. We don’t need no water let the hammer take a turn.
This is what they did to McCain in his POW camp, and now he wants to do that to our country
Gives new meaning to the term “fire crotch”
“THIS IS THE LAST FUCKING TIME I WILL ASK! WHERE THE FUCK DID YOU PUT MY JOSH GROBAN CD!?!”
“OK! I’M SORRY BUT I THREW IT AT AN IRAQI ORPHAN WHEN HE ASKED FOR HELP!”
During the safe sex demonstration, something went horribly wrong!
I just came for the balloons on the fence! AARRGGG!!!
BORRR-RING!!
Having violated their “Don’t Ask Don’t Tell” policy, Private Baker undergoes the Army’s official Cure for Gayness Procedure
This is your crotch …
This is your crotch on herpes …
Any questions?
“Still leaning towards Obama, Private???”
Who ate my Volcano Taco!
Grandpa never said that he got that VD, and his irritable burning sensation BEFORE he left for VIETNAM!
Thank you sir may I have another?
For his birthday, Joe should have asked his military buddies for a good lookin red head rather than a “slammin fire crotch”.
The amazing thing about this picture is not even the whole sledgehammer flamin brick thing. The amazing thing is the mans massive cock in his dick sock sagging between his legs.
This is why everyone in America hates soccer. We don’t have fanfuckingtastic half time shows like this crazyness. (i.e. Note soccer goals in background)
Smashing flaming rocks on U.S. soldiers: currently drawing bigger crowds than the Cincinnati Bengals
EXTREME MILITARY LEAP FROG…..
REPRESSED HOMOSEXUAL ANGST – My large hammer can pound through two inches of concrete. On fire. On a man’s crotch. A man laying ontop of another man. In matching outfits. But I like women. No, Really.
The military has recinded “don’t ask, don’t tell” and replaced it with “we find out, we do this.”
The Russian cure for Priapism – ” In Russia, you no go limp, you break it until next time!!!”
The Polish army commemorates World War 2 with a visual interpretation of the German invasion.
Great! Balls of !! Fire !!
Who would’ve thought that assuming the doggy style position with a sledgehammer being swung above you is not the worst scenario you could be in during this drill…
Travis Barker and DJ AM join the army….
What, too soon?
bill i am telling if i hit the block right it will ram your penis in toms ass through yours. No one will ever know your gay.
This should stop the any burning sensation you have be having.
This is what I get for volunteering for a special assignment without getting the details first.
This is what I get for volunteering for a special assignment without getting the details first.
or
This was SO not in the brochure.
beer, burning rocks, and sledge hammers. that can’t be good
The recruiter made this sound a lot cooler …
Ohh, I thought he said the volunteers would get a Purple HEART …
This sounded SOOO much more awesome when the recruiter described it.
What the BEEP!I just siad i needed a good pounding…..
Still tied after the soccer penalty kicks, Sarge’s team kicked it up a notch with their new Al Queda version of Rock,Paper,scissors.
punishment for cheating on another mans wife in the army. the good old cock block and burn technique
army fatigues- Government issue
lighter fluid- $5
cinder blocks- $20
sledgehammer- $30
The look on your buddies face as you smash a burning cinder block on his crotch with a sledgehammer in front of a crowd- PRICELESS
HIPPIES!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!