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Give-A-Wednesday: Win Unreal Tournament III

Write a caption for this photo of Mr. Universe and you can win a copy of Unreal Tournament III for the Xbox 360. As usual, leave your captions in the comments section. Winners will be notified via some dumbass who works at HolyTaco. Godspeed.

See last week’s winners after the jizump (that’s street for “jump.” Fun!)

Mr. Poopoopachu: David Blaine prepares for his next stunt – living for a week in Oprah’s ass.

Runners Up:
Paulito25: I think Roger is taking the whole Your keys are always the last place you look thing a little to seriously.

DonnyG: So this is how Blue Man Group was created.

Chris: Can you hear me now? Good.

AR: 3 guys, 1 elephant

C Taylor: So that’s how republicans are made!

Zach P: Well, it seems we found the problem. There’s an asshole stuck in it’s asshole. (I don’t totally understand this, but it makes me smile anyway.)

187 Responses to "Give-A-Wednesday: Win Unreal Tournament III"

  1. Matt says:

    Here we see Mr. Universe’s unbelievable ability to scare his hair shorter with every arm flex. Amazing!!!

  2. C Note says:

    China’s version of The Biggest Loser has nothing to do with losing weight.

  3. Marcos says:

    This is the result of three years right-handed masturbation. I wish I had a bigger dick…

  4. Too High says:

    Hey Ladies!

  5. Markness says:

    Mr. Universe feels that his time has come to take on AIDS after recently hearing Chuck Norris laid defeat to them

  6. first-national-dank says:

    Careful: this guy dominates the 80 lb ladies arm-wrestling division.

  7. that1guy says:

    Masturbating, the key to giant guns!!

  8. Cowtipper says:

    “I had my arm this far in Clay’s ass”

  9. STEVIC says:

    a NUT? pfff you could smuggle a whole GUM drop in this bicep ya here!

  10. Jason says:

    I rike to rift weights!

  11. DonnyG says:

    Chinese steroids suck just as bad as most other Chinese goods.

  12. DDT says:

    This is not what we meant when we said we needed Chinese muscle to help boost the economy.

  13. C Taylor says:

    2018 home run leader…10 years before the steroids!!

  14. matt says:

    Whatcha gonna do when changs 4 inch pythons run wild on you!

  15. J.L. says:

    Bai Ling’s early days.

  16. TPark says:

    I would like to thank Palm-ela Right. Always there when I needed it most and never complained at all!

  17. Eric says:

    The effects of steroids have finally hit baseball in Japan.

  18. steve says:

    I earned this gun from styling this come-over.

  19. Bostonlongstroke says:

    And I thought I’d never see a chicken wing with less meat on the bone than the frog-legs they pass as wings, at Hooter’s.

    His arm looks like a flexi-straw!

  20. Ryan O. says:

    “Hey ladies, do you have a cage? For these PYTHONS!”

  21. raul420 says:

    Meet the Next Ultimate fighter. CHANG “BOWLA” CUMM

  22. baba says:

    I hope you brought tickets. This gun show’s not free.

  23. Aaron Z says:

    Actually I use my left one to do battle with the purple helmeted warrior of love.

  24. Pete says:

    ….make fun of my haircut one more time and you are gonna get some of this biatch…….

  25. Gymmonster says:

    Look how ripped you can get by cutting your own hair

  26. quarketry says:

    “It stronger than it look. It conk me out to sleep and give me haircut. It also steal my girlfriend and get me fired from job. i hate him.”

  27. Chang Chong says:

    rooks rike my rife had another baby girl, time to roll up the sreeves, don’t want to get them ret as I hold her underwater

  28. Kiel says:

    Over 9000! Hours of masturbation!

  29. John says:

    Why the USA gymnastics team lost…

  30. John says:

    Damn it feels good to be a gangsta

  31. Chris says:

    Remember when I told you I couldn’t get the hamster out? yea…

  32. Jack says:

    The Wii Fit really has made an amazing difference in changing Liu’s physique.

  33. Aftersun says:

    Interviewer: Michael Phelps.
    Mr.Universe: Michael who?

  34. Riptzen says:

    He’s huge… in Japan.

  35. Gainer says:

    “Don’t make me use my strong arm!”

  36. Mike says:

    Half Pete Rose, half emo: 100% badass.

  37. Scott says:

    Must be reft-handed…

  38. philldiamond says:

    You think my haircut is bad? Take a look at these!

  39. Julian says:

    You want to see my junk next you say Mrs. Peterson? Oh no no no, I don’t know about that… well alright, let me see if I can squeeze out of these lime green hot pants.

  40. Allwiredup says:

    With China as the up and coming “world power”, and having the “big guns” like this surely indicate a third World War in our future.

  41. Distinguished Gentleman says:

    Winner of Mr. Half-androgynous meth addicted Universe 2008.

  42. Leslie says:

    The Chinese Chris Crocker is getting pumped up for his upcoming world tour!

  43. Leslie says:

    The Chinese Chris Crocker is getting pumped up for his upcoming world tour!!

  44. Timmy the Tumor says:

    Hang 7 gold medals around his neck and women will say “he’s hot!!!”

  45. Koolaid says:

    Chinese Milk: it does a body good.

  46. Carlos says:

    ” I got a free haircut in Supercuts for joining Golds Gym”

  47. Carlos says:

    “Look!!, I got a free haircut in Supercuts for joining Gold’s Gym”

  48. Rich says:

    Ahh yes mucha time spent waxing on and waxing off!

  49. frankie says:

    translation on bottom right: “no women will sleep with him because of his stupid emo haircut, so he has little muscles from playing with his little pee-pee.”

  50. What’s wrong with your readership? Some of these comments are pretty bad.

  51. Jay T. says:

    My right arm is way stronger, which is why I accidentally gave myself this lopsided haircut.

  52. Bang Bang says:

    I can wift fwee hundwed pounds!

  53. Mike says:

    “Welcome to “So you think you’re attractive!” Let’s meet our next contestant!

  54. neversubmit says:

    Not only do I cut my own hair but I also do my own weight training (flexes muscle)

  55. chowtime says:

    Please look at my amazingly small muscles
    (so you wont notice my amazingly sad haircut)

  56. darylo says:

    Somebody call a doctor because these puppies are siiick!

  57. eddy says:

    im telling the truth im supposed to turn green. at least i still have this kickass rihanna haircut.

  58. whitemansair says:

    “My Precious….”

  59. sus says:

    Gaysians make me ror (Raugh out Roud) !!!!

  60. whitemansair says:

    “My Precious…”

  61. Furies says:

    And then that gerbil he put in my bum just kept going and going… see?

  62. eric says:

    “As you can see in the previous picture I had my arm this far up the elephants ass!”

  63. eric says:

    “As you can see from the previous picture I had my arm this far up the elephants ass!”

  64. BoB Saget says:

    “Hey look guys, when I do this (flexes) it slides up and down my arm, just like my adam’s apple does in my throat”

  65. Will says:

    Keira Knightley’s buff Asian transvestite half bro-sister.

  66. Trainer250 says:

    Playing my X-Box 24/7 gives me the only bulge I’ll ever get with a hair cut like this.

  67. Aftersun says:

    I may have a bad haircut and kiddy biceps, but im wearing a baseball jersey, it counter-balance.

  68. Charles says:

    That scene chick has some big guns!

  69. Zach P. says:

    Constant attacks by Godzilla have forced the Japanese to create the ultimate soldier a.k.a, MR.UNIVERSE.

  70. Emily G. says:

    63 years after Hiroshima and radiation babies have finally found their place in the world.

  71. Eduardo says:

    “You see this?! You see this mal-nourishment? It took me years to perfect this.”

  72. Jorge says:

    Chinese Govt.-funded attempts to create the perfect super-soldier have failed. High-ranking officials have recently submitted a resolution reintroducing the test subjects back into society. We go to one such person now.

  73. Russ says:

    Clay Asian

  74. The Lizardking says:


  75. Wayne says:

    Wang Chung , winner of Survivor: Wonderland Ranch

  76. K-Rod says:

    As you can see from our prototype, the next generation in Japanese technology gives us the new bio-injectable mp3 player. Once the mp3 player is surgically inserted into your arm, all you have to do is flex like so, and you change to the next song on your playlist. We are still sorting out the side effects, which so far only seems to be a hairdo that looks as if you were attacked by a blind barber having a seizure.

  77. Peter K says:

    I just lost two whole people on the Subway diet…Thanks Jared!

  78. KTFO says:

    I punch myself in head rike dis and it spin my mullet 90 degrees. It crazy!

  79. smimz says:

    Chinese government milk…. does a body bad

  80. Paul says:

    loke at my guns guys!
    thees took years of pwaying games on my Texas Instrument TI-86!

  81. Chu says:

    i gots bigger muskles than uncle yao!

  82. Tobes says:

    Ladies and Gentlemen, after months of searching, we’ve found the weapons of mass destruction!

  83. Michael Loftin says:

    Do you think that this is enough to get me a good dry hump with Megan Fox?

  84. Michael L says:

    Do you think that this enough to get me a dry hump with Megan Fox?

  85. lisa says:

    My caption is-

    “Mom, I know you told me I would go blind, but this happened instead”

  86. 32footsteps says:

    Tom’s been in hiding since Katie started working out.

  87. hjbrand says:

    Better picture: This and his avatar character side-by-side.

  88. Gymmonster says:

    Behold…my mighty pythons, still digesting feeble mouse…

  89. Freuds Cigar says:

    “At the singles bar the ladies laugh at my haircut, but then I flash a smile and give her a preview of the gun show.”

  90. C Note says:

    This is actually a new breed of hermaphodite. The right side is a man, left side is allllll woman (single boob and half-junk not shown).

  91. tree_choppa says:

    Kimbo Slice’s next opponent.

  92. kevie says:

    Im still working on the tanning part but look how “Jacked: i am……i dont even need preperation H.

  93. Jared says:

    Rosie Mcdonalds after weightloss picture..

  94. Deebow says:

    Only way to bag a classy lady is a ridiculous bowl-cut and tickets to the gun show. Let see if she likes the goods…

  95. Nick B says:

    It can sing too! :D

  96. siege99 says:

    So thats where my gerbil ended up!!

  97. siege99 says:

    So that’s where my gerbil ended up!!!!

    (don’t make me explain gerbiling).

  98. YYSA says:

    Never go full retard

  99. Jed Reisner says:

    I’ll gladly pay you tuesday for a hamburger today.

  100. General Chicken says:

    I have nothing…I suck at this.

  101. Alan Oser says:

    I am a bad dude, the wist is a wittle wimp but just wook at my bithepts.

  102. El Sanch says:


  103. Jman says:

    Me rack roff ronggg time!

  104. Lockey says:

    I ate a squirrel and now he’s in my arm.

  105. Big Dog says:

    konichiwa! res I said 15 Second ricepts! Eat your ried Rice and you can have ricepts like me!! John Basedow eat your Heart out!

  106. Sean says:

    Having sworn off steroids following his Australia arrest, Sylvester Stallone hams it up for the cameras outside of the premiere for “Over the Top II – Thrilla in Manila”

  107. Darwin says:

    Want to be like j-rod? It only takes 23 hours a day, an industrial size bottle of lube, and a subscrption to hello kitty gone wild. caution j-rod would like worn you that to little lube has been a know cause of skin grafs

  108. stevo says:

    When a good prank goes bad who knew if you painted a persons dick like a Wii controller they could get in such good shape and have so much fun.

  109. Garrison says:

    Rondon 2012 here i come!!!!

  110. Chris says:

    “Who says masturbating in your parents basement three times a day doesn’t build mussel.” -Wang Beater,

  111. Chris says:

    “Who says masturbating in your parents basement three times a day doesn’t build mussel mass?” -Wang Beater

  112. somebuck says:

    American Southern culture + Japanese culture = Awesome!

  113. Wright says:

    Ninja Please!!! Look at these guns

  114. Seth says:

    see…. us asians are strong.

  115. Wright says:

    One at a time Biotches, One at a time!!!

  116. Jason88 says:

    Coming up on MXC…… “Hey Radies!!!! Ru have rickets to gun show??? Goooooo Pokemon!!!! I WIN!!!!”

  117. Macker says:

    What’s my secret? Jerking off!

  118. Nick says:

    well shit….now i know why nobody wanted to catch bird flu.

  119. Oscar says:

    Jackie Chan’s gay cousin Jackay “Hey” Chan!

  120. Jessy says:

    See, Starcraft is all the exercise i’ll ever need to get the ladies!

  121. Ravenbom says:

    “If you want my body, and you think I’m sexy,
    Come on sugar let me know…”

  122. Benton says:

    “I am “Eddie” FurLong Duck Dong! Thanks for loanin’ me the Donger!!”

  123. MrPeenq says:

    For, just, $1 a day, you can save a starving child like this…

  124. MrPeenq says:

    sweet haircut – $8, jar of Weightgain 3000 – $35, winning Mr. Universe… Priceless!!!

  125. MrPeenq says:

    “…and, don’t even get me started on my pecs!!!”

  126. Doph says:

    How do I stay fit? Daily protein shakes to the face.

  127. Doph says:

    How do I stay healthy? Daily protein shakes to the face.

  128. KTFO says:

    Hung Lo to japanese Bob Barker: Dee price isa wrong bitch!!!

  129. Mike Lleetorus says:

    a chinaman whos penis size isnt the most embarressing thing about him

  130. Anonymous says:

    so thats how the Chinese smuggle stuff in to the states

  131. Anonymous says:

    Does this haircut make my muscles look bigger?

  132. Jorge says:

    Does this haircut make my muscles look fat?
    or do i have some trouble with my eyes -_-

  133. Ldub says:

    Jimmy got guns
    And I got none…
    My bicep’s gone a-way…

  134. BC says:

    Ryan Howard ate a Philly Cheese Steak and shit this out

  135. Samson says:

    Mommy says I’m growing up to be a big boy!

  136. PDK says:

    Bruce Lee before he started using Old Spice.

  137. ACV says:

    Barry Bond’s new trainer!!!!

  138. Peter says:

    The Winner of Unreal Tournament III

  139. ignorant says:

    PS: To all the morons.. it is clearly japanese, not chinese, look at the kanji.. kooks

  140. YOUNGFED says:

    What’cha gonna do when the Hulkster cooomessss for yooooouuuu!!!!

    …..But in chinese

  141. Dopey says:

    I wish I had a bigger Weiner!

  142. matt says:

    this is what the entire japanese population looks like; men and women. boo…

  143. Skinny P says:

    Free Tibet !!!!

  144. vd says:

    My right hand love me long time…

  145. Wiley II says:

    The Japanese join in on the American reality TV craze — Survivor: The Holocaust

  146. wow says:

    These comments


    terrible. Not offensive, but just pathetic.

    Kill yourselves now.

  147. rtards says:

    Yea….these comments are really bad, the sad thing is how many of you thought u were clever writing this trash

  148. Brando says:

    Why the world can’t distinguish the difference between Japanese males and females….

  149. Ian says:

    Man shows how far gerbil has made it up his body, after shoving it up his ass 3 days prior.

  150. Olivia says:

    … and then I ate it. … and then I saw this…

  151. Wayne says:

    to catch a predator catches Chu Lomien , first transsexual ping pong champion. explains he actually just likes to pose with underage children.

  152. Cameron Rankin says:

    ”I hope you ladies have tickets… To the gun show!”

  153. Mike Sweeney says:

    My muscles, strong as the US economy!

  154. Andy says:

    “Yeah I do think haircut scissors are a little heavy.. why?”

  155. Khan says:

    Some days you wake up with an emo haircut, bad teeth, an oversized sports jersey, and 5 years of muscle atrophy and you think to yourself…damn it feels good to be a gangster

  156. Ahh! Ichi Bahn(#1) in the Rower(lower) region. (giggles with embarassment)Not so much in my bicep!

  157. Silly Ho says:

    Yo, so when my woman dogged my new haircut, I grabbed that bitch by the head like this, see, right, and I was all like, ‘POW! BIZZACK!’ and shiz, you know. I don’t go out like no bitch, know what I’m sayin? Fo real.

  158. 206ish says:

    world chopstick champ wong dong ding – rook at my very beeg muscres…

  159. Christine says:

    Yep, that’s a fetus in my arm. Crazy, huh?

  160. mikey says:

    Sorry ladies, the tickets to the gun show are all sold out…

  161. Dan says:

    I’m not gonna make fun of him, this is how fucking Ghengis Kahn probably got pissed off

  162. JJ says:

    If you were ever curious as to what an anorexic man on steroids would look like…

  163. Greg says:

    As you can see I swallowed an egg and it ended up here?

  164. So I say to you…. I can has baseball… yes?! My hairmet shall protect me!

  165. EverylessonBurned says:

    Actual Winner of Unreal tournament shows off his “guns”.

  166. Leon says:

    I got these muscles from combing my hair

  167. Mason says:

    “By the power of Grey… Ah man, WTF!”

  168. Clay says:

    “I put a Hamster up my ass and this where he ended up.”

  169. Newt says:

    As you can see, my right side is my good side.

  170. andrew says:

    I love how you can win “unreal tournament III” for captioning this dude’s unreal haircut and huge-mongous biceps. Yay for subtlety.

  171. Pratik says:

    Chung Dao shows off the long-term effects of jacking off to hentai.

    P.S. Didn’t you already give away UT3 for 360?

  172. Cumpidgeon says:

    Retards have Muscles too!!

  173. Chico says:

    And here you can see one of the worms that have infested my body. If I move my arm like this it bunches up…..Cool, huh?

  174. NOSEBLE3D says:

    Arnolds weaker cousin but probably would be better running california

  175. Bad Kermit says:

    Chase Utley has really let himself go.

  176. buttpooper2 says:


  177. mayhem420 says:

    “Chang went to the doctor to get that sex change he had been wishing for.
    Only to awake to find this lump on his arm instead of on his chest”

  178. PoYZoNRaiN says:

    Speak into the microphone Beotch!

  179. AR says:

    This is nothing more than Yao Ming’s penis that he can flex and dress up.

  180. AGE says:

    Ancient Chinese Secret!!

  181. FrogSoda says:

    Ok Rosie, I’m ready to put my whole hand in your mouth.

  182. Haggis3000 says:

    I can haz big muskels!

  183. Todd W. says:

    Ladies Ladies Ladies, please… relax.. there is plenty of the asian sensation to go around…

  184. rock&roll says:

    Ladies ladies ladies… please.. there is plenty of the asian sensation to go around.. please form a line. the gunshow is for everyone.

  185. J. Hemm says:

    Baseketball II- Japanese Crackheads