How to Make a McGriddle at Home
Sandra Lee Talks Dirty
6 Types of Girls You'll Meet on a reality Dating Show
8 Things Science Says Women Love
Zooey Deschanel Hotness
5 Drinks No Man Over 25 Shall Order
Female Murderers You’d Probably Go Home With
15 Tattoo Fails
Top 20 Most Shocking Girls
20 Hottest Photos of Kim Kardashian
Courtney Love & Muppet Sexual Assault
Playboy’s Big Dance March Madness Bracket Challenge
The Hottie Index
Seriously, If you ask me to do this one more time I am going to tell mom.
Can I interest you in some gum?
Hey sis, Mom taught me how to work this thing correctly.
don’t worry, i’ve done this s thousand times before. i promise!
“Hey,look what I scored out of your boyfriend’s wallet last night! Oh, wait…he told you he had it on? That’s unfortunate.”
hey wanna try this new kind of bubble gum i got?
Mom finally found blueberry….
“The kiddy sizes come in blue!!….isn’t that funny???”
c’mon this one is actually new…..ok i repackaged it but i washed my hands afterwards
But please?! It matches your eyes!
This isn’t a throwing star? Whoops.
So… wanna fuck?
No. You don’t get it. If I use this.. it’s not rape.
roses are red this condom is blue, ive never been laid so can i fuck you?
I promise this time i’ll get hard! i like girls.. i like girls.. i like girls…..
…but it’s a Magnum!
“Think of it as a sheath for my light saber that will keep us safe from the Darkside…”
Homely hooker? Check! Blind’s shut? Check! Condom? Check! Crazy eyes? DOUBLE CHECK!
He totally had no idea I had one in my pocket the whole time! Yay, Free bareback! He he *snort*
You’re my BFF!
Now smile like a doughnut.
You said that our genitals would never touch so I bought a condom. Now sex?
Grandma left me this in the will. I told you I was her favorite!
cmon…you can pretend im the sexy blue monkey man from avatar.
And after we’re done, you can save my jizz in this to remember me by.
Speakin’ of bangs
Chris Farley was never good at reading body language.
I make a rape…not!
This is awesome
haha hell yeah
Look Betty, I found a machine that dispenses mouse shower caps!
“It’s not really incest if we use protection.”
“Hey, SIS!”
“STEP-Sis….wait a minute….not…any…better…MOM!!!”
It makes my junk taste like pie.
HERES JIMMY!!!!!!
HERES JIMMY!!!!
And this is the condom I said I used!
And so, if we have this thingy, the right balance of electrolytes, a potato, some two by fours and a bowling ball we can simulate cold fusion.
Now please keep in mind I said “simulate” because only a moron would think cold fusion is real. Heh. snort. heheh snort.
And so, if we have this thingy, the right balance of electrolytes, a potato, several two-by-fours, and a bowling ball we can simulate cold fusion. Now keep in mind that I said “simulate” because only a moron would think cold fusion is possible. Snort. Heh. heheh. snort.
“mom dosn’t have to know!”
But Jenny, I don’t want AIDS
Idiot, I’m going to be pitching tonight.
I don’t care what the pope says…
…a condom IS 99.9% as good as abstinence.
Your sister wasn’t as big of a cunt as you when i told her i wasn’t going to wear this thing
I learned it at camp. What animal do you like?
Oh, what’s this behind your ear?
“There’s a pretty good chance I’m going to kill you while we’re doing it, so I want to make sure I don’t leave any DNA, Ok?”
Look Cindy, if you just put this on I’ll show you how we can have a good time!
YO BABY YOU EVER HAD YOUR ASSHOLE LICKED BY A FAT MAN IN AN OVERCOAT??
“Only whores make their guys wear a condom. You don’t want to be a whore, do you?”
“Only whores make their guy wear a condom. You don’t want to be a whore do you?”
Sadly he would not gain the experience points necessary to level up.
im telling you, heath ledger totally gave this to me! he said itd turn me into the joker of love.
its either this or you make me a damn sandwich
“Hey, I found a lollipop with no stick in dad’s Man Room – he must have got them at the dollar store!”
“what you don’t like it?…It’s okay we can go bareback ehhhh”
Make me a bicycle clown!
hahahaha yes!
Don’t chew this gum. It taste just like rubber.
Remember when you said “I only fuck football players.”? Well guess who made the 3rd string bitch!
Good news!!! We’re going to be on eFukt!!!
“seriously don’t you watch commercials? It’s all about the blue cornholing now”
Ohhh come on sis, I’ll be quick and I promise to finish you off with my hand after…there’ll be no mess!?
Just call me Papa Smurf!! Biaaatch!!
“Now Jane, you must put this on before we have sex….”
“Look what my mother gave me for my birthday, she said she forgot to use it back in the day.”
Ok sister who is also cousin… Father is driving cab extra time for extra soup… Mother has taken donkey to watch only tel-a-vishion in town , 12 kilometers away…
Eees-a just-a you and-a me to-night!!! Alright!!!
Hey I didn’t know they made blue berry toaster strudel frosting
“Want to take this bad boy for a ride ?”
Here’s my card
mom said I can blow the balloons this year
“According to a Holy Taco flowchart, since your drunk but still standing I get to fornicate!”
It’s cheaper than an abortion and date rape pills!!
Two Hundred Dollars!!!!! How about $100 and i’ll use my own!!
I may be weetodded but I know what a condominium is for.
Come on Sis If I wear a rubber it’s not incest!
Come on Sis, it’s not rape if you shout “SURPRISE!”
ok mom is this how i get girls bang me?
I`LL TAKE THE BLAME FOR YOU WRECKING THE CAR IF….
“Hey, I have an idea. Lets see what all the fuss is about!”
incest is best now put ur sister to the test, y go down the street when u can go down the hall?
incest is best now put ur sister to the test, y go down the street when u can go down the hall?
Hey, check out my Chinese star my mom gave me last night. She says it’s only ok to use it at home with her watching.
SURPRISE BUTT SEX!
Not knowing how to deal with rejection, Brian just sat there and smiled until Janet finally decided to leave.
“It’s blue – to match my balls!”
They gave me this in gym class, wanna try?
Okay Johnny, they laughed at you as you were playing WoW, but with the money you made from selling your account, who’s laughing now. BYAHH!
If you don’t put this on with your mouth right now, I’m gonna tell Mom that you’re having sex with Dad.
Girl: No, I won’t blow you no matter how often you do my calculus homework for me.
Guy: What if we use a *drumroll* CONDOM??
Girl: …
Guy: But you can wash the rubbery taste out with those water bottles back there…
Don’t look at me like that. You said you didn’t like the way it tasted, so I bought a different flavor.
I heard Edward from Twilight uses this brand!
I got the bigger size, so now I can enter you all the way up the ankle; just like you wanted.
See! I told they would sell me one!
“Yeah,that´s right bitch, you know what I am thinking…water baloons!”
haha that’s pretty good
hey sis! mom and dad just told me i was adopted, so its okay now!
i heard your favorite color is blue.
wanna bang?
I Swear I’ll Grow into it
I enjoy turning these ribbed ones inside-out when I rape. Maximum pleasure.
Confucius say: Even fat slob get pinky stinky someday.
My Dad gave me this, he thinks you’re hot.
Happy birthday! I know it’s not quite what you wanted but I thought we could both enjoy this!
Remember that bet about a gang of douchebags from New Jersey making a popular television show? Well, it is time to pay up.
I don’t think the whole make a wish foundation thing is going to work on this one Jimmy.
Worst internet date ever!
Yeah…this probably wasn’t the best time for a dead baby joke.
Whoops. Guess I forgot to wear to this last time.
I gotta put a hold on this baby! I just drank four bottles of water and I’m in the mood for some golden shower.
“And so I said, ‘Who gives a shit about some Holy Taco jizz rags when you can wrap your rascal in this and pretend you’re waterboarding a Smurf?’”
Thou shall not bear offspring.
Never, and I mean never, pick ‘dare’ when playing with Johanne Flumpburger.
I have no idea why I’m smiling like this. This thing cost me more than you did. Score one Middle East slave trade.
Never thinking she’d actually say “yes”, Brian just sat there and smiled, while a panic slowly started to set in.
FIRST you interrupt a 36-hour session of WoW…and NOW you tell me you want me to put this thing on my penis? Why in the world would I do that??
Brian finally thought it was time to take his and Janet’s friendship to the next level, that haven’t talked since.
What made it even more awkward was the fact that Brian’s dad was three feet away taking photos.
It is not that I am not attracted to you…it is just that I HATE the blue ones! Man, if only you brought a RED one! Also, I am gay.
It slowly began to dawn on Jenny that this was not, in fact, a babysitting gig.
I will bet you twenty bucks that I can get this all the way in your vagina!
After years of preparing for this very moment…Tommy finds out the hard way, he should have stuck with the popcorn trick.
It feels way better without one of these on….besides I’m going to pull out! I promise….
Birth Control: Learning from your parents mistakes.
I’m not wearing this cause you can’t get pregnant your first time…. I promise!
“She will never know i poked a hole in it and then she will be mine foreverrrrr”
“she will never know i poked a hole in it and then she will be mine foreverrrr”
Sissy remembered everything; a scrunchy to hold back her long hair, a condom for safety. She had only forgotten one thing…that Gary was retarded.
wanna see a magic trick ?
This is a +5 condom! You have a 5% chance of orgasm and a 90% chance of regret.
the look on jerrys face when he had learned hell had finally frozen over was priceless.
I looked, they don’t make them in extra tiny,plus I already asked justin.
Jenny, you are 2.5 minutes away from never having to do your math homework again!
…and another reason to have sex with me is because of my sweet bo staff skills!
After the apocalypse, Jenny regretted shouting “Not if you were the last man on earth!” at her retarded neighbor Gary.
Hey, are we gonna do this or what? Stargate is coming on in 5 min. if we act now I will have time to spare.
Here’s that condom that I said I used on you…
That Guy from Sex Drive has totally lost it!
Are you ready? I will need to use that purple scrunchi as a cock ring
It’s either this or I blow it in your mouth. what’s it gonna be?
“Do you remember when I told you last night I would wear THIS condom…”
If you say no, your face will match this color.
No, it wont make your toung blue!! I promise!!
Look what I found!
Yes I know it’s a blue one but I already used the red one with your mum.
Don’t you remember? It was the night that your dad told your mum he was leaving with her best friend.
She didn’t want me to sleep on the couch that night, it was very nice of her.
Like I told you before just because your condom matches my bracelet doesn’t mean that we are going to F*ck…
this fucker trumps your “get to fuck” biatch!! Drop em!
“Four out of five Smurfs recommend this condom!”
This is so my special sauce won’t make your taco all soggy
This is what they gave me so my special sauce won’t make your taco all soggy
They say it tastes like blueberries
Speaking of Nike, just do it!
Gotta Collect Them All!
Remember the movie Zoolander?
Well here is my Blue Steel!
That rash went away. But the doc gave me this just in case.
And then this one time at band camp ….
The snozberries taste like snozberries
“But technically the condom is what’s penetrating your ass, so you see, baby Jesus won’t cry!”
I swear…just once…and mom n dad will never find out. I promise.
I’ve been keeping this bad boy tucked underneath my mattress for a year and a half now… and now is its time to shine!
This should earn me my boyscout safety badge.
“I know you said you wanted a black dick, but they only had blue!”
Incest: When everything else fails.
“Do you seriously think I’m THAT desperate?”
“Alright, fine, but if Dad pulls in I’m yelling rape.”
Don’t look at me like that, atleast it’s better than tin foil!
Told you I didn’t use it.
Brother: I finally figured out a way the have sex with the vacuum and mom will never know!!!
Sister: Of course she will moron, you always leave the vacuum in the kitchen when your done with it…
Wanna play a game?
or
I wont tell if you dont!
It’s supposed to make “tummy sticks” more enjoyable. Do you think dad will like it?
Hey, come on sis! Just because you were six, and didn’t really understand when I made you promise to fuck me when we were older doesn’t mean you can back out now. I’ll even let you play with my Wii later.
I SAID…make me a sandwich while I throw this away….im
allergic to latex and bullshit
“It’s ok, this one tastes like blueberries!”
Yes, I AM a sex instructor, and you’re first lesson is free!
An outtake from Menthos’s short-lived line of condoms.
Here, I punched holes in this. Use it on your boyfriend.
I found it in my mom’s bedroom, I think it’s a sex balloon!
you try squeeze this over my kumquat and i’ll make us breakfast in the morning!
And this is how I keep my matches dry.
Oh, you mean this condom. This is what you wanted me to wear when you were ovulating?
a bet is a bet… time to pay up
Is this your card?
So they pulled these things out before we played “who’s in my mouth?”.
alright, a deal is a deal, you stuck up cheerleader. I helped you pass calculus, now I get to divide you PI!!!
For your birthday I got chocolate flavor!
How about a little role play tonight? I’ll play John Hinckley, Jr. and you be Jodie Foster!
Dad gave me this and said he’s taking me to a motel tonight to ‘make me a man’.
Sibling Rivalry
1. I TOLD MY GUILD IT WOULD BE ONLY 2 MINUTES LIKE ALWAYS!
“Not even a little, dude. Not even a little.”
“If You Don’t Want to Clean the House, then I’m wearing no more baby-blockers!”
Wanna watch me make a balloon animal?
Water balloon fight!
This make my Pinky blue.
Dwight Schrute wasn’t always the succesful ladies man he is now.
Please? I even set the water out like you asked.
That better be bubblegum.
He thought the smile on his face said ‘come hither’. In reality, it said ‘come arrest me.’
Boy: ” I just saw this really cool movie about this girl named Kim Kardashian and a boy named Ray J having fun in a bed and I thought we could play charades with the family later and that scene could be our skit. I know we will have the best skit.”
EXACTLY… but instead of a kiss you have to lick my ding dong- THEN i return to being a handsome prince.
EXACTLY… but instead of a kiss you have to lick my ding dong- THEN i turn back into a handsome prince.
had to post it twice.
yeah baby… its a condom. i just put on after we have sex and everything will be fine.
isnt posting twice grounds for disqualification…i.e. if…
the double posties was an accident- you dont need the book asshole.
somebody should give if the dickheadeology book. dickhead!
“my boyfriend swoopmoney loves it in the ass with no condom.”
It’s ok to say “no”. The roofies will kick in soon anyway!
If you’re not cheating on me, then why was THIS in your purse!?!?
remember my birthday wish? eh? eh? eh?