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After a long day of just hangin’ around…
A ‘Brotha’ doesn’t have to give me a massage. Hell, even a chinaman can do it. I’m not prejudiced.
Aloe Vera is for sunburns? Maybe if a girl wins this.
Both DonkeyXote and Mr.Banana’s were relieved when they received their very own Astroglide Spring Break Survival Kit.
This picture is out of focus because gingers have no souls.
What are you looking at, I’m a monkey he’s the eveolved one.
damn it now the gramar police are gonna start up.
spelling nazis come forth
may I suggest a brazillian wax? everybodys doing it
Sign said “Do not feed” not “Do not massage”
Man I hope this dosent end up on HolyTaco.com…. hey stop that guy!!!!
WTF you staring at? Do I need to make you my bitch too?
You know, there really isn’t a wrong way to break a monkey in half.
Fuhrer Obama is going to be pissed when he found out that Michelle got a sensual massage.
someone is observing from outside the fence. probably with a hard-on and the ape just stares. digits to the forearm ftw
Wow, Carrot Top has really let himself go…
Ah yes a little lower… lower….. lower, now just the tip.
So that’s how you get AIDS!
Why do I always get the clients that smell like bananas?!
“how could something so wrong feel so right”
who do you think is enjoying this more the monkey, the massager, or the photographer that has a boner?
“Released from the bonds of his ‘comedy’ sketch show, Carlos Mencia can finally get back his true calling in life.”
“wait are you supposed to get a hard on when you do this”
Get your damn hands off me your damn dirty Mexican!
Monkey. Monkeee. Monkey. You’ve got to massage the monkey.
The English to Spanish dictionary may translate perfectly, but the context of “Spanking the Monkey” is completely lost on Jorge.
This is the only quote in this contest worthy of a bag of condoms, lube, toothbrushes, and a handshake. I’m going to rephrase it and claim it as my own… a running theme. It would be ironic, given the subject. Maybe throw in something about Mencia fucking animals or AIDS related. Maybe include a celebrity that did something stupid/died (what seems like) decades ago. My simplistic sense of humor would be overwhelmed.
Turn around, hands on the hood and spread your cheeks. hehehehe!
If not, you’re doing it wrong.
YES, IT IS ACTUALLY A WELL-KNOWN FACT THAT ALOE VERA IS FOR SUN BURNS!!!!
But what would a dark skinned Indian know about being sun burnt???
“God, I cannot WAIT for this happy ending”
“Aren’t rub and tug employees usually asian?”
“CAUTION” Papi’s @ play!!!
Otherwise known as the last thing Ben Stein saw before he killed himself.
A lot of people have been making jokes about Happy Endings. What they don’t realize is that this IS the happy ending. What came before it? Pedro will never tell, but his amigos keep saying he just hasn’t been the same ever since. He just sort of drifts around, occasionally muttering “No mas platanos. Por favor. No mas platanos.”
That had BETTER be a banana that I feel back there, Hector!
“After a long day of mauling children at the zoo…I like to unwind with a nice rub
Good massage, so far. How much for a happy ending?
No Carlos… I think it would be a bad idea if I turned over right now. Just keep working on the back..oh God!
Caption: Oh man, Tiger Woods is very exhausting.
Evolution
Tiger sure did have it made at the rehab clinic!!!!!
(don’t take it to be racist you know you laughed)
Tiger sure had it made at the rehab clinic
(Don’t call me a racist, you know you laughed!!!)
Well Juan, the funny thing about my back is that it’s located on my cock.
Alyssa Milano has not gotten a massage outside ever since the paparazzi caught her without her makeup on.
When she said she’d let me massage her monkey, I was picturing something else altogether.
Mexicans will do ANYTHING for money…
When Javier responded to the Craigslist ad “Male Hispanic needed to spank the monkey for private photo shoot” this was not what he had in mind.
Planet of the apes.
Don’t forget the happy ending.
Is he trying to shock the monkey?
Jon Gosselin has moved on from pissing off possums, to pleasing orangutans.
Nah, Nah….He’s Just Not My Kind!!!
“Oh! Fabian, your are FANTASTIC! Have you ever heard of a Happy ending? You have? You what how much!?!?”
if you stop rubbing, you’ll never know where your yellow hat is!
“mr. jackson, oh my god, i’ve located your nose, it WAS in your ass this entire time!… mr jackson? mr…… jackson?”
“look here *uhhh* hector, we *ahhh* gotta talk *oooohhh* about you not *right there right there, ahh* cleaning the monkey shit *hmmmm* off the walls correctly, and most *mmmm* importantly *yeah thats good* not keeping the bananas fully *awwhhhh* stocked *exhale*
Michael Bay’s atempt at jumping on the 3D Bandwagon, “Planet of the Apes 3D: Mexican Rub and Tug”
To hell with this crappy massage, get to the happy ending doughboy!
“Hmmmm. It feels like your L2 or L3 is inflamed. Probably from hunching over
“A-and that is when Carlos t-told me to roll over…”
Haha you win!
Jennifer Aniston couldn’t believe the paparazzi had found her again.
Is there anything else I can do for you, Ms.Behar?
FTW
“We have opposable thumbs; LEARN TO USE THEM!”
“Jesús is my home boy”
GAHHHH, I WANT TO WIN THIS PRIZE PACKAGE SO BAD!
“Them was good times. Everyone spoke good, honest Aramaic”
I now see why everyone’s so pissed about healthcare reform.
“It’s not the massaging, it’s how we’re massaging”
How to keep a monkey off YOUR back!
“Life as a human being”
Yeah, busting out the condoms and lube is really going to impress chicks. Wow, I won chapstick and lube, which might be great for justin at HT, with his chapped asshole.
You’re just upset because you wouldn’t be able to use the condoms before they expired.
“Disaster survey reveals orangutans unprepared for evacuation”
If true, this is the most ludicrous thing I’ve heard all week.
Bi-curious George.
The man wears a yellow hat, not shirt. and how do you know thats not a chick monkey? it is btw.
DonkyXote and his sequential hermaphrodite sister’s foreplay before their mexican bible study.
That joke is getting really old sir. Find a new one.
Brushing the AIDS off
I wonder if that comes with a HAPPY ENDING????
For six extra bananas…….
They get their hands on Origin of Species for ten minutes…
Well, it looks like Rush Limbaugh followed through on his promise to move to Costa Rica if the health care reform bill passed.
2 centavos a day to part back hair – FAIL
MONKEY UNIONS FTW!
It’s a mad house! A mad house!
only ASTROGLIDE can provide enough lube for this happy ending.
And things changed after Planet of the Apes was released
That spic is bananas B-A-N-A-N-A-S!
Just think, if that guy had won this prize pack we wouldn’t have red ipods or Bono, and Freddy Mercury would still be alive.
Wow, what an asshole.
Less talking, more massaging. And bring me a banana. Peeled, and make sure its organic
Michael Jacksons will stated Bubbles to be set for life
Dear God,
Please let me go back to Mexico. The jobs were better.
And after this, I’m getting a wax
How much for a happy ending
Since plumbers cannot afford Jeffery Fieger, Donkey Kong got to live the high life after Mario broke into his home.
Apparently Michael Jacksons will left everything to Bubbles.
I have a feeling that Jeannie’s sister got to Major Nelson again.
Hector is dead serious about his lifelong goal of giving AIDS back to the monkeys
As part of the settlement for sending Albert into space NASA has agreed to put all of its employees through a four week intensive symbiotic relationship course.
They really should put the waxing station before the massage table.
Maybe she should invest in some waxing before she slurges on a massage.
With Michael out of the picture, I get to play puppet show with you now Bubbles.
Maybe she should invest in some waxing before splurging on a massage.
Nobody wanted to be the first to tell him that the ‘Zoophilia’ charades card was a practical joke
yo pedro, this ky jelly is really great, and ima let you finish, but astroglide is one of the best lubes of all time!…. one of the best lubes of all time!
Teaching socially inept guys to pleasure a woman was thought to be impossible until the research of Dr. Zira got out. Then it was practice, practice, practice.
Massage=check, pina cola=on its way, world domination =TBD Muahahaahh
“Please Lord, relieve my monkey from his crippling depression”
It puts the lotion on the skin or else it gets the hose again.
Just when u thought a happy ending joke couldn’t get any easier…
The San Diego zoo discovers Esteban is much cheaper than building a fence.
“I want you to use your mouth for the happy ending this time.”
thats not a gun im just very exited
Big Chimpin
You might feel a slight pinch when I dive head first into your asshole
Did I ever tell you that I body doubled for Steve Carrell in the 40 Year Old Virgin?
How can they say our love is wrong…when it feels so right.
haha awesome
way to pick a original screen name jerk off
Two smokes lets go
Workers comp WOULD give me a male masseuse. Bastards!!!!
When do i get to throw poo?
I think it moved…
And I thought massaging Rosie O’Donnell was bad!!!!
The orangutan’s face says it all:
Regardless of species, no one is safe from the awkward massage-boner.
dinner – $100
sensual oils – $20
going to jail for bestiality – fucking gross
Ha!
After working your monkey hard all day its best to rub him down.
A.I.D.S.
The scientific community once thought a degenerate Zoophile was responsible for the A.I.D.S. virus. Turns out it was just a chimpanzee with an extra twenty bucks.
Just another Sunday afternoon for Robin Williams.
Julio didn’t really like his new cabana-boy job, but Mr. Robin Williams was a good tipper.
“After spending too much time spanking his limp monkey, Carlos decided a soothing massage would be the perfect night cap.”
“He’s been massaging his monkey for over an hour and it’s still limp…”
God Damn
That is a nice rope. Look at that rope.
“Take…one…more…picture, I fucking dare you.”
“Mr. Obama Sir, the zipper seems to be stuck.”
Lindsay Lohan in the green room before filming Ice Age 4.
Carlos couldn’t help but wonder how Jorge’s massage session was going in the crocodile habitat.
After about a week, it was more than obvious that the new Health Care Reform bill was a bad idea.
so that’s were all Micheal Jackson money went..the things he did to that poor monkey, he deserves every last cent.(cuz mike had a pet monkey back in the day, and knowing his crazy ass he probably raped it)
It would be funny if it had a thought bubble coming from the brilliant monkey saying:
“So easy a human can do it”
=)
Thats it, now slowly push both of your pinky fingers downward.
An exclusive glimpse of what really goes on in Monkey Guantanamo Bay.
Where are they now?
MR. BUBBLES
As you can see here Mr. Bubble’s craving for massages never subsided even after the death of his owner.
Robin Williams contract stipulated that a massage therapist be on call at all times.
Oh, ha-ha, you put some fake poo on the floor.
Ohhh nooo…
10 minutes before the first man got AIDS
“So i put my hands like this, and spread em apart?”
The monkey lost its contact
this man just jumped inside the zoo exhibit
massages.
not just for humans anymore
The parallel palmed primate pleasing peasant
“Senor toe me too massache he monkey but hez monkey allready massache.”, “Pinche GAbachos n ter Americaz”
i think it moved jerry
This is the only recorded proof of the origin of AIDs.
King Louie is calling the shots with Mowgli nowadays. “No bannanas until you work out those nots you damn dirty human”.
Mojo Jojo is taking full advantage of unemployment ever since The Power Puff Girls been cancelled so he’s just takin’ it easy and only trying to kill you on the weekends.
Okay, my pinkies are in, now what?
M Knight Shyamalan gets his movie ideas from a monkey’s ass.
Don’t hate the player!!!
Can we tell which one is the evolved one?
whats funny about this its clearly just a paparazzi photo of sarah jessica parker at a spa
Aw WUT THE FUCK, you wrecked mine you prick
You know how i know you’re gay…
Hopefully monkey see, monkey do.
You don’t give a monkey a latte. And you most definitely don’t give a monkey a massage.
Once Bubbles heard Michael Jackson had died, he knew his private massage sessions were short lived.
George was curious when he heard about the “Happy Ending”
looks like iron mike tyson is getting ready for his comeback fight of the year
Aricle: Stars! They’re just like us!
Sarah Jessica Parker gets massages too!
WHEN DO WE GET TO THE GODDAMN HAPPY ENDING???!!!
That’s your Mom’s elbow on his left there.
And I said, “Rectum? That’s a big word for a Papio cynocephalus.”
“So you say it got stuck up there when you were Roller Skating?”
“I told you. Roller skating and smoking a cigar.”
In the interest of professionalism, Armando decided to hold his excitement about meeting Robin Williams for after the massage.
“A counter argument to Darwin’s Theory of Evolution”
“A study on normality: How to best occupy the space you take and justify your own existence”
Stupid Monkey!