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Go To Japan If You Want A Butthole On Your Head

Bagelhead

So, like, there’s these people in Japan, right? Not just, like, regular people. They’re weird people. They’re weird by weird standards. Normally if someone tells you that someone else is weird, it’s difficult to believe because everyone has a different definition of what weird is. For some, weird is anyone that puts mayo on their French fries. That’s not weird, that’s a preference. For others, weird is anyone that gets a bunch of shit pierced, tattooed, drilled, or injected in to their heads. A regular-old piercing is nothing new. Got your nose pierced? Eh, who cares? Tattoo on your face? Silly, but whatever. Got collagen injections? You look like Ron Perlman in Beauty and the Beast, but nothing too bizarre about that.

But, wait, what’s that? You had a bunch of saline injected in to your forehead and had the center of the saline bulge pressed in to make it look like you have an anus above your eyes?

Oh, Goddamn it, you weirdos. Really? This is what you’re doing with your time now? I’m not even mad, I’m just disappointed. In you. All of you weird Japanese weirdos that are getting buttholes injected in to your heads. Do you realize there are people in America – really, really dumb people – that will look at pictures like the one above and the many more over at ViceStyle.com and think all Japanese people look like this? They’re going to assume that after the recent massive earthquake and the ensuing struggle to hold back meltdowns at nuclear power plants that something went horribly awry and all Japanese people have become Godzilla-style mutant freaks.

What you see in the picture above is a new trend in Japan called…I don’t know what. But people in the western world call it “Bagelheads,” which is a great name for a terrible Jewish horror movie.

The saline injection process takes about 2 hours, and the resulting forehead anus lasts only about a day. But for that one day, you have a butthole on your head. Or, perhaps, you can make people think you have terrible inoperable brain tumor. You know, for shits and giggles.

But more than making you look like you have a bagel or doughnut or butthole on your head, the injection makes you look like an alien race from Star Trek. If you’ve never seen Star Trek, allow me to describe what the process for creating an alien species is like on the show:

Step #1: Get a human.

Step #2: Put some weird shit on his or her forehead.

Done.

For example:

shit on forehead

shit on forehead

shit on forehead

shit on forehead

shit on forehead

shit on forehead

Vagina on forehead

Sometimes the shit on the forehead trickles down on to the nose and cheekbones, but there’s no denying that a great deal of the makeup for alien species on Trek were designed from the forehead out.

So, with this in mind, what can I infer from this picture?

bagelheads

Well, it’s simple, really…

Bagleheads

2 Responses to "Go To Japan If You Want A Butthole On Your Head"

  1. DonkeyXote says:

    Wonder if you can get several bagels/donuts put on the length of your wang to beef it up girthwise.