I don’t even know what to say about this. There are no words. I feel like I just witnessed a meteor shower INSIDE MY F-ING BRAIN. Let me attempt to break this down.
There’s a kid, and his dad has gone away to – oh for the love of shit, there’s a sassy, magical talking donkey played by Ice-T. Ice-T. And the kid has to ride the Ice-T donkey to win a rodeo…….to save his family. The only way this could be more awesome is if Kevin Sorbo was in it. OH WAIT. The only time anyone has ever said the phrase "Kevin Sorbo would be perfect for this" it was immediately followed by "I hope he comes with his own lawn mower so we don’t have to rent one."
I feel like between every scene, they sent a P.A. to get Kevin Sorbo out of his trailer, and he knocked on the door and no one came out, so he just goes in, and it’s dark and Sorbo has a gun in his mouth, and the P.A. is like "Mmm-m-mr. Sorbo? They need you on set." And then Sorbo fires the gun but it’s an empty chamber, then he sobs.
Every Wednesday night we here at the Taco buy some pizza and smoke a bunch of….meats. We smoke a bunch of meats, and then we watch the movie. We deemed it "shitty movie night" because we had…smoked too much meat… to come up with anything better. But never in the history of all the shitty movies we’ve watched, have I ever been as excited as I am for this movie. I feel like my ejaculate just ejaculated.