Editors Note: We here at the Taco like to hear from different perspectives. Therefore, we were over-joyed when Barack Obama contacted us and said he'd like to write a guest column.
Now that I'm president, here's four things I want you people to stop doing.
1. Rhythymically yelling O-Bam-A when you see me
Seriously, when I walk up to a podium, stop f*&king chanting my name like I just shredded on a three and a half minute guitar solo. I get it, you like me, I guessed that from the 300+ electoral votes I received. I’m not a fat sorority chick, I don’t need you to tell me how awesome I am every three seconds. You guys think the chant is awesome, but news-f*&king-flash, that’s all I hear in my head all day long. Do you know how hard it is to make love to your wife when you hear the sound of 100,000 people chanting your name? It’s like making a porno on the fifty yard line of soldier field during the fourth quarter of a playoff game. Not boner-conducive. No mas.
2. Asking Colin Powell his reactions to shit I do:
Really? That’s the only black guy you can find? The last time I listened to something that boring I paid 9.99 for it and it was sung by Jon Mayer. Last I checked, there’s lots of black dudes in the U.S., find one that doesn’t sound like my GPS navigation system.
3. Asking Me About Playing Basketball:
Every interview you need to ask me this? It’s REC BASKETBALL, it’s not like I’m the small forward for the Pistons. 99% of the time I play with old sweaty dudes that shoot a basketball like they’re trying to shove a rapist off them. It’s not news worthy, and what ends up happening is now I go and play and everyone is all over my shit because they want to “shut down Obama.”
4. No More Bullshit About What Kind Of Dog We're Getting
I told you guys before that we were still talking about what kind of dog we’re going to get. Do you know what happens when you ask me what kind of dog we’re getting? My kids ask me what kind of dog we’re getting, and kids are like white people who voted for me: they won't shut the f*&k up about it. Honestly, I don’t really care what it is. I’ve got a whole team of people now who’s sole job it is to take care of whatever dog I get. I’m probably not even gonna see the stupid thing. Oh, and also, I’m trying to run the entire god damned free world now, so the whole dog issue is very low priority, okay? If one more person asks me about the dog thing, I’m gonna flip out. Don’t think that just because I’m sophisticated and smart I can’t get ghetto on somebody. I got it in me, ya hear?!
Oh, and what if, that were true if whichever most humorous section of the above commentary were to be applied, to another situation relative to common foods!!! Oh my, how I would laugh and laugh that day, mercy.
The sad thing about the people that chant his name is that when they're making love to their wives they most definetly picture him. They also penetrate to the rhythm of O-BAM-A
It doesn't matter that I wasn't born here. It doesn't matter that I am not truthful or forthcoming about my birth certificate. It doesn't matter that I am going against the very document I swore yesterday to up hold. Me and the press can, and will, do what ever we like. You bunch of sheeple will not only accept it, you'll like it! "Hope and Change" baby! Hell that sounds almost as cool as "Shake and Bake"!
"you're" welcome dumb ass...and he was born in the "Canal-Zone" because his father was in the military, contributing to this country as opposed to just bitching about it
so he's president..BFD. will CNN stop sucking his cock now and at least wait until he does something, anything to merit praise. Until then he's just another president just like Boush
Ok, I would like you, him, or anybody else to prove it. I think the federal case that has been brought against him by a fellow democrat will allow him just that opportunity. If he ever has to answer to it. Don't believe everything they tell you on CNN.......moron.
The "sheeple" knife cuts both ways, "Ev"... you are seemingly willing to believe anything told to you as long as it reinforces your hatred for Obama. Please, seek therapy, because you're boring the rest of us with your zombie mindlessness.
There are more things killed in the fourth quarter at Solider Field in the playoffs than a boner. Like the lead they probably had going into that 4th quarter, the hopes and dreams of Bears fans being crushed.
Buena suerte Sr. Presidente BARACK OBAMA, desde Republica Dominicana le deseo lo mejor, que Dios lo mantenga siempre bajo su manto y le ayude a trasar las metas que desea en bien de Estados Unidos y el Mundo.
Barack Obama is the first African American president!
- FALSE! Obama is just as much white as he is black. His father is from Kenya, so he doesn't share African American history of slavery and the whole civil rights movement.
He's going to change the world!
- New Messiah?
Obama's gonna make peace in the Mid-East! And that's beacuse he understands Islam and the Musilm world!
- If he knew one thing about about Islam he would know it's impossible to create peace where Muslims are a majority.
He will deliver us from slavery just like Moses!
- Moses never were a slave. He was grown up in a palace. Obama's ancestors were never slaves. And he's grown up with his white side of the family. His African dad abandoned him.
He will end the war in Iraq!
- Keep in mind, you Americans voted for the war in the first place. So you should fix what you messed up without...
He is a Christian!
- As much Christian as Nasrallah, Zarqawi, Ahmadinidjad...
You are a racist!
- I'm just as much African as Obama himself - HALF!
OSBAMA WILL INCREASE WELFAIRE PAYMENT TO ME. CUS WE ARE BROS.
LET THE SILLY WORKING PEOPLE PAY FOR US TO SIT AND WATCH TV.
IAM HAPPY TO BE FREE AND NOT WORKING AS MY LEADER INTENDED.
well im glade to see a more down to earth president.
not so stuck up and who cares about being famous! he does not he wants to have a good job, help the country and world and love his family, not to be bothered by stupied people who have nothing else to care about then his life. people who spend time only chanting his name or bothering him should stop and start helping out their community because im sure that needs more attention then obama!
(26 Comments)
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Holy Taco Goes to the Bahamas
January 20th, 2009 at 04:49 pm
Awesome, I chuckled several times.
January 20th, 2009 at 05:03 pm
I think if there were a crowd cheering my name while I made love to my wife, I'd actually feel pretty pumped up.
January 21st, 2009 at 06:06 am
That's what keeps me going. I pretend I hear a crowd cheering my name.
January 20th, 2009 at 05:03 pm
I have been on the receiving end of some of those "old sweaty dudes" basketball shots. It seems not all girls are big Chili's fans!
January 20th, 2009 at 05:54 pm
So true - good stuff.
January 20th, 2009 at 06:42 pm
Oh, and what if, that were true if whichever most humorous section of the above commentary were to be applied, to another situation relative to common foods!!! Oh my, how I would laugh and laugh that day, mercy.
January 21st, 2009 at 04:30 am
Read that again. Retarded?
January 21st, 2009 at 05:19 am
The sad thing about the people that chant his name is that when they're making love to their wives they most definetly picture him. They also penetrate to the rhythm of O-BAM-A
January 21st, 2009 at 05:31 am
5. Quit questioning my birth history
It doesn't matter that I wasn't born here. It doesn't matter that I am not truthful or forthcoming about my birth certificate. It doesn't matter that I am going against the very document I swore yesterday to up hold. Me and the press can, and will, do what ever we like. You bunch of sheeple will not only accept it, you'll like it! "Hope and Change" baby! Hell that sounds almost as cool as "Shake and Bake"!
January 21st, 2009 at 08:25 am
He was born in Hawaii, dipshit. You're probably thinking about John McCain who was born in Panama. Your welcome.
January 21st, 2009 at 11:39 am
"you're" welcome dumb ass...and he was born in the "Canal-Zone" because his father was in the military, contributing to this country as opposed to just bitching about it
January 21st, 2009 at 07:00 pm
so he's president..BFD. will CNN stop sucking his cock now and at least wait until he does something, anything to merit praise. Until then he's just another president just like Boush
January 23rd, 2009 at 08:24 am
Uh, no. He is a new president, and it's not possible to compare him in any way to the failure that is Bush.
January 21st, 2009 at 02:40 pm
Ok, I would like you, him, or anybody else to prove it. I think the federal case that has been brought against him by a fellow democrat will allow him just that opportunity. If he ever has to answer to it. Don't believe everything they tell you on CNN.......moron.
January 22nd, 2009 at 07:33 am
He was born in Indonesia, Dipshit. He was raised in Hawaii...by white people....after his black father abandoned him. Your welcome.
January 21st, 2009 at 09:36 am
Hope and Change? hmmm, almost as cool as 'Mission Accomplished' right?
January 24th, 2009 at 09:59 am
The "sheeple" knife cuts both ways, "Ev"... you are seemingly willing to believe anything told to you as long as it reinforces your hatred for Obama. Please, seek therapy, because you're boring the rest of us with your zombie mindlessness.
January 21st, 2009 at 06:10 am
There are more things killed in the fourth quarter at Solider Field in the playoffs than a boner. Like the lead they probably had going into that 4th quarter, the hopes and dreams of Bears fans being crushed.
Bear Down!
January 22nd, 2009 at 10:27 am
Really give a crap about Osbama don't you?
January 21st, 2009 at 06:47 pm
O-Bam-A O-Bam-A O-Bam-A O-Bam-A O-Bam-A O-Bam-A O-Bam-A O-Bam-A O-Bam-A O-Bam-A O-Bam-A O-Bam-A O-Bam-A O-Bam-A
lolll its funny after watching it on south park too! :D
January 22nd, 2009 at 12:26 am
my boner is totally killed
January 22nd, 2009 at 03:34 am
Buena suerte Sr. Presidente BARACK OBAMA, desde Republica Dominicana le deseo lo mejor, que Dios lo mantenga siempre bajo su manto y le ayude a trasar las metas que desea en bien de Estados Unidos y el Mundo.
MANUEL RAMON CARPIO PACHECO
January 22nd, 2009 at 08:31 am
Barack Obama is the first African American president!
- FALSE! Obama is just as much white as he is black. His father is from Kenya, so he doesn't share African American history of slavery and the whole civil rights movement.
He's going to change the world!
- New Messiah?
Obama's gonna make peace in the Mid-East! And that's beacuse he understands Islam and the Musilm world!
- If he knew one thing about about Islam he would know it's impossible to create peace where Muslims are a majority.
He will deliver us from slavery just like Moses!
- Moses never were a slave. He was grown up in a palace. Obama's ancestors were never slaves. And he's grown up with his white side of the family. His African dad abandoned him.
He will end the war in Iraq!
- Keep in mind, you Americans voted for the war in the first place. So you should fix what you messed up without...
He is a Christian!
- As much Christian as Nasrallah, Zarqawi, Ahmadinidjad...
You are a racist!
- I'm just as much African as Obama himself - HALF!
January 22nd, 2009 at 10:33 am
OSBAMA WILL INCREASE WELFAIRE PAYMENT TO ME. CUS WE ARE BROS.
LET THE SILLY WORKING PEOPLE PAY FOR US TO SIT AND WATCH TV.
IAM HAPPY TO BE FREE AND NOT WORKING AS MY LEADER INTENDED.
THANK YOU AND MY GOD BLESS
January 22nd, 2009 at 12:58 pm
well im glade to see a more down to earth president.
not so stuck up and who cares about being famous! he does not he wants to have a good job, help the country and world and love his family, not to be bothered by stupied people who have nothing else to care about then his life. people who spend time only chanting his name or bothering him should stop and start helping out their community because im sure that needs more attention then obama!
April 10th, 2009 at 10:37 pm
Hello to all ! Great site. I am new here greetings to all from Poland.
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