Editors Note: Here at Holy Taco, we welcome celebrities to share their thoughts with us about whatever topic they like. We promise not to censor them. Therefore, we were ecstatic when Kevin Jonas of the Jonas Brothers asked to write a guest column.
Yo, what's up fans! This is Kevin Jonas, from the Jonas Brothers! So, if you're like me, you're at the age where you're doing cool stuff like shredding on a guitar, and measuring your penis! So, let me give you a little break down on the best way to measure it, coolio?
Step 1. I was really confused at first, but luckily my manager over at Disney knew exactly how to help me out! Did someone say Rockin?! Oh yeah! So the first thing you're going to want to do, is go to your managers office, and close the door. Then take your pants down, it’s measurin’ time!
Step 2: Next step is super simple. Your manager is going to need something to measure by, and my manager said that rulers are waaaaaay to inaccurate. Weird, right! I guess they don't RULE-er. Hahaha! So, instead, if your manager is like mine, he'll know how deep his throat is!
Step 3: When your manager is done measuring, which usually takes about fifteen to twenty minutes,or as long as the first four songs on our newest album, Lines, Vines, and Trying times! (totally rocks!), make sure to have him tell you how long it is, brah! ‘cause sometimes he’ll just get up and leave, and not even tell you!Managers got a lot of on their mind, especially when he’s managing a certain band that rocks super hard! Oh, wait, I'm talking about my band! Sahweeet!
Editor's note: No one at Holy Taco wrote this post, so there's no point in suing us, because we didn't write it. Someone must have hacked into our site, and then wrote it. Yes. That's what happened.
wow. first of all why the hell are you measuring ur own penis?! wtf!! ok then...
2nd that was hillarious!!
really gross but funny!! two thumbs up!
but seriously!! is he gay?!?!
YOU GUYS THIS IS SOOOO FAKE LIKE HE WOULD ACTUALLY COME ON THE INTERNET AND WRITE ABOUT SOMETHING LIKE THIS YOU ARE ALL JUST IMMATURE IF YOU BELIEVE THIS
You guys are such idiots. I'm not even kidding. Why would you even spend time in your stupid pathetic lives to write something so mean, perverted, retarded and untrue. Kevin Jonas and his family are Chrisitians. They aren't like that. You can get sued big time for that so good luck trying to convince people that it wasn't you. Plus, why does everyone make things up about Kevin? "Kevin's gay. He measures his @#$%^&*. He broke his purity promise". What the !@#$%^&* is wrong with you people? Why Kevin? Because, most Jonas Brothers fans don't like him? Well, guess what I'm !@#$%^&* inlove with him. And, it isn't right that you have to make up ANYTHING about those sweet innocent guys. They are my life, and it really hurts to see people write lies about them. Especially Kevin. I love him alot, and I'm sick and tired of people hating on him. First of all, HE ISN'T GAY. He has a girlfriend in the first place (Danielle Deleasa). And, second of all. The Jonas Brothers are Christian. And, they go by what the bible says. Homosexuality is a sin. Their dad is a pastor. They are good kids. They have done nothing wrong for you to hate on them like most of you do. It isn't right or fair. It's stupid, immature and a waste of your pathetic lives. Just move on. And, GET A LIFE. I will defend those boys until the end. So, writing this isn't a waste of MY life, as most of you are going to say, I bet. GET A LIFE,(; -Jessica. [PEACE, LOVE, & JONAS].
You are a dumb B...... you need to get a life and don't judge people who love each other no matter what sex.. oh ya one more thing "GET A LIFE". and jessica you don't know their lives so shut up.
OK U GUYS ARE SO STUPID WHO EVER KEEPS SAYING THIS SHIT ABOUT THESE BOYS ARE STUPID. THEY ARE MY FRIENDS AND THEY WOULD NEVER DO ANY OF THIS SHIT OK. SO BACK THE HELL OFF OF JB,SELENA GOMEX,DEMI LOVATO,ROBERT,TAYLOR,KRISTEN AND ALL THE OTHER STARTS BECAUSE THEY ARE ALL HUMANS LIKE US WHO CARES IF THEY ARE FAMOUS THEY ARE STILL HUMANS UNDERNEATH LEAVE THEM ALONE DANG
the person who wrote this is a smart person....the celebs are just like us...
omg!!!! like 4real kevien jonas would never do that...
u go whoever wrote this..
u rock!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
i thought it was pretty funny lol i like some of there songs but i dont rly like them u guys should get somthing on there about miley cyrus and her nasaly voice!!!
YALL ARE WAY TO MESSED UP IS IT REALLY ANY OF YOUR BISSNUS IF HE DID MESURE IT OR NOT! OR IF HES GAY OR NOTONE DAY YOU MIGHT BE FAMOUSE WOULD YOU LIKE PEOPLE TALKING ABOUT YOU LIKE THAT! IM GUESSING NOOOOOOOOOOOO SO BACK OF IV HAVE TALKED TO THE JONAS BROTHERS AND ALL THE TIME SO BACK UP SHUT UP AND LEAVE THOSE INNICENT PEOPLE ALONE! FOR THE LOVE OF LIFE ITS NOT TRUE WHO WOULD PUT THIS KIND OF STUFF FOR OVER 1,000,000,000 AND SO ON PEOPLE TO READ I MEAN JUST LEAVE THEM ALONE RETARDS,IDIOTS,DUMB ASS WHAT EVER
Oh my gosh I almost got a six pack from laughing at this. I swear the purity rings are a cover up for the MJS (micheal jackson syndrome; the denial of being homosexual or having any homosexual desires when EVERYONE with common sense knows it's a damn lie) but hey whatever floats their boats.
Wouldn't mind measuring the Jonas brother's all at once if they let me. They coudl always repent later. lol =P I shoudl try to be a good girl and not let the jungle fever make me type naughty things.
All u people that are talking shit about them and all those celebs uhm its time to get a life. it bullshit i bet this isn't even true! somebody who wanted to start a rumor about the J.B wrote this. And a lot of boys measure it. so why does it matter??? they have feelings too they are people just like us!
(88 Comments)
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Holy Taco Goes to the Bahamas
April 21st, 2009 at 05:30 pm
My wife measures mine all the time!
April 21st, 2009 at 05:49 pm
your wife measures mine too.
April 21st, 2009 at 07:37 pm
yep, mine too
April 21st, 2009 at 05:39 pm
Hey! She measures mine too!
April 21st, 2009 at 07:05 pm
Mine too.
April 21st, 2009 at 07:06 pm
Yeah I get measured by Blame's wife too.
April 21st, 2009 at 07:12 pm
Guys I get measured by Blame's wife.
April 21st, 2009 at 07:55 pm
thats weird.....i measure your wife's
April 22nd, 2009 at 05:41 am
His wife's dick, with your throat? Gaybag.
April 21st, 2009 at 07:56 pm
O yeah, I sometimes pay random chicks to do that. They are usually way off on the measurements, so I demand a refund... with my fist.
April 21st, 2009 at 08:55 pm
Was this real or fake then?.. serious
April 22nd, 2009 at 01:37 pm
Are you an idiot then?... serious.
April 22nd, 2009 at 04:50 am
Funny. I know exactly how deep my throat is.
April 22nd, 2009 at 07:58 am
I measure mine with Blames wife's ass
April 22nd, 2009 at 08:00 am
Sorry to tell you Blame, but your wife is dead after trying to measure mine.
April 22nd, 2009 at 08:16 am
That explains why she was so stiff and didnt even squeal when I was measuring mine in her ass!
April 22nd, 2009 at 11:38 am
U guys R Gross!!!!!!!!!!
April 22nd, 2009 at 11:56 am
omg that was so funny....
April 22nd, 2009 at 01:21 pm
i would soo love if joe can cum and measures his in my mouth i would soo love it..i wanna know if white boiis really got big dick`s
April 22nd, 2009 at 03:08 pm
This article is not real
April 22nd, 2009 at 01:45 pm
omg,my is checked like every 3 weeks by my wife,after we have some time together,if u know what i mean.
April 22nd, 2009 at 02:44 pm
wow you guys are sooo stupid....and this is lame...and stupid! gaytards u know you all dont get ANY action....hahaahah
April 22nd, 2009 at 03:38 pm
huh guys,,, WEEEEIRD,, you guys got some problems,,,
April 22nd, 2009 at 03:58 pm
Get this shit the fuck off the internet. Yeesh. Talk about lousy jokes.
April 22nd, 2009 at 04:04 pm
ya im shure the jonas brothers always get measured by their manager cuz they cant get any 1 else.
April 22nd, 2009 at 04:07 pm
THIS CANT BE TURE!!!!!!!!!!!!! THATS JUST NASTY!!!
April 22nd, 2009 at 04:07 pm
lmao omfg if only disney read this shit! they be fired so fast and they seriously should no talent what so ever XD fucken funny...
April 22nd, 2009 at 04:21 pm
Wow, that made my day. I wonder if he even knows this is written about him. Lmao.
April 22nd, 2009 at 04:45 pm
haha!!!! wow i wonder if he ACTUALLY did this!!!! ROFLMFAO!!!!
April 22nd, 2009 at 05:43 pm
poop
April 22nd, 2009 at 08:51 pm
I DONT BELIEVE THAT KEVIN WROTE THIS!!!
THIS WHOLE ARTICLE IS STUPED ND GROSE...
KEVIN JONAS WOULD NOT DO ANYTHING LIKE THIS.!. :P
April 22nd, 2009 at 09:21 pm
HAHAHHAHAH oooooh wow...thats hilarious...i hope everyone understands that there manager...is also there father .... :D LMAO!!
April 23rd, 2009 at 02:25 pm
haha its funny because its true!
April 23rd, 2009 at 02:50 pm
wow. first of all why the hell are you measuring ur own penis?! wtf!! ok then...
2nd that was hillarious!!
really gross but funny!! two thumbs up!
but seriously!! is he gay?!?!
April 23rd, 2009 at 04:22 pm
YOU GUYS THIS IS SOOOO FAKE LIKE HE WOULD ACTUALLY COME ON THE INTERNET AND WRITE ABOUT SOMETHING LIKE THIS YOU ARE ALL JUST IMMATURE IF YOU BELIEVE THIS
August 6th, 2009 at 10:18 am
OMFG. Are you seriously a fucktard?
April 23rd, 2009 at 05:50 pm
Did you guys not read the editor note? Duh it's fake but it's still funny as heck!
April 23rd, 2009 at 09:43 pm
You guys are such idiots. I'm not even kidding. Why would you even spend time in your stupid pathetic lives to write something so mean, perverted, retarded and untrue. Kevin Jonas and his family are Chrisitians. They aren't like that. You can get sued big time for that so good luck trying to convince people that it wasn't you. Plus, why does everyone make things up about Kevin? "Kevin's gay. He measures his @#$%^&*. He broke his purity promise". What the !@#$%^&* is wrong with you people? Why Kevin? Because, most Jonas Brothers fans don't like him? Well, guess what I'm !@#$%^&* inlove with him. And, it isn't right that you have to make up ANYTHING about those sweet innocent guys. They are my life, and it really hurts to see people write lies about them. Especially Kevin. I love him alot, and I'm sick and tired of people hating on him. First of all, HE ISN'T GAY. He has a girlfriend in the first place (Danielle Deleasa). And, second of all. The Jonas Brothers are Christian. And, they go by what the bible says. Homosexuality is a sin. Their dad is a pastor. They are good kids. They have done nothing wrong for you to hate on them like most of you do. It isn't right or fair. It's stupid, immature and a waste of your pathetic lives. Just move on. And, GET A LIFE. I will defend those boys until the end. So, writing this isn't a waste of MY life, as most of you are going to say, I bet. GET A LIFE,(; -Jessica. [PEACE, LOVE, & JONAS].
April 24th, 2009 at 03:42 pm
You are a dumb B...... you need to get a life and don't judge people who love each other no matter what sex.. oh ya one more thing "GET A LIFE". and jessica you don't know their lives so shut up.
April 24th, 2009 at 06:21 pm
do you even know them.? umm no soo just shut up.
September 24th, 2009 at 04:38 pm
Jessica, I feel your pain. I'm a big fan of the Jonas brothers too. In fact, I got some tickets, wanna go with me? Maybe after you could mine?
September 24th, 2009 at 04:39 pm
"measure mine"
see the joke there is that I wanna have sex with Jessica.
dumb girls are easy to poke
April 24th, 2009 at 04:18 am
OK U GUYS ARE SO STUPID WHO EVER KEEPS SAYING THIS SHIT ABOUT THESE BOYS ARE STUPID. THEY ARE MY FRIENDS AND THEY WOULD NEVER DO ANY OF THIS SHIT OK. SO BACK THE HELL OFF OF JB,SELENA GOMEX,DEMI LOVATO,ROBERT,TAYLOR,KRISTEN AND ALL THE OTHER STARTS BECAUSE THEY ARE ALL HUMANS LIKE US WHO CARES IF THEY ARE FAMOUS THEY ARE STILL HUMANS UNDERNEATH LEAVE THEM ALONE DANG
April 26th, 2009 at 03:42 pm
the person who wrote this is a smart person....the celebs are just like us...
omg!!!! like 4real kevien jonas would never do that...
u go whoever wrote this..
u rock!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
p.s
write back if you can
April 24th, 2009 at 05:34 am
So, Jonas Zombies scour the internet to see if the Next Bland Things names are mentioned?
Cheer up, gals. In 2 years, you won't remember them. Like N*Sync, The Backstreet Boys, 98 Degrees, NKOYB, Menudo, etc, etc, etc.
PS. The Jonases certainly enjoy deep anal.
April 25th, 2009 at 06:38 pm
ROTFL love ittt.
April 25th, 2009 at 06:53 pm
i thought it was pretty funny lol i like some of there songs but i dont rly like them u guys should get somthing on there about miley cyrus and her nasaly voice!!!
April 25th, 2009 at 07:29 pm
YALL ARE WAY TO MESSED UP IS IT REALLY ANY OF YOUR BISSNUS IF HE DID MESURE IT OR NOT! OR IF HES GAY OR NOTONE DAY YOU MIGHT BE FAMOUSE WOULD YOU LIKE PEOPLE TALKING ABOUT YOU LIKE THAT! IM GUESSING NOOOOOOOOOOOO SO BACK OF IV HAVE TALKED TO THE JONAS BROTHERS AND ALL THE TIME SO BACK UP SHUT UP AND LEAVE THOSE INNICENT PEOPLE ALONE! FOR THE LOVE OF LIFE ITS NOT TRUE WHO WOULD PUT THIS KIND OF STUFF FOR OVER 1,000,000,000 AND SO ON PEOPLE TO READ I MEAN JUST LEAVE THEM ALONE RETARDS,IDIOTS,DUMB ASS WHAT EVER
April 26th, 2009 at 01:09 am
Oh my gosh I almost got a six pack from laughing at this. I swear the purity rings are a cover up for the MJS (micheal jackson syndrome; the denial of being homosexual or having any homosexual desires when EVERYONE with common sense knows it's a damn lie) but hey whatever floats their boats.
Wouldn't mind measuring the Jonas brother's all at once if they let me. They coudl always repent later. lol =P I shoudl try to be a good girl and not let the jungle fever make me type naughty things.
April 27th, 2009 at 07:55 am
All u people that are talking shit about them and all those celebs uhm its time to get a life. it bullshit i bet this isn't even true! somebody who wanted to start a rumor about the J.B wrote this. And a lot of boys measure it. so why does it matter??? they have feelings too they are people just like us!
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