Editors Note: Here at Holy Taco, we welcome celebrities to share their thoughts with us about whatever topic they like. We promise not to censor them. Therefore, we were ecstatic when Kevin Jonas of the Jonas Brothers asked to write a guest column.
Yo, what’s up fans! This is Kevin Jonas, from the Jonas Brothers! So, if you’re like me, you’re at the age where you’re doing cool stuff like shredding on a guitar, and measuring your penis! So, let me give you a little break down on the best way to measure it, coolio?
Step 1. I was really confused at first, but luckily my manager over at Disney knew exactly how to help me out! Did someone say Rockin?! Oh yeah! So the first thing you’re going to want to do, is go to your managers office, and close the door. Then take your pants down, it’s measurin’ time!
Step 2: Next step is super simple. Your manager is going to need something to measure by, and my manager said that rulers are waaaaaay to inaccurate. Weird, right! I guess they don’t RULE-er. Hahaha! So, instead, if your manager is like mine, he’ll know how deep his throat is!
Step 3: When your manager is done measuring, which usually takes about fifteen to twenty minutes, or as long as the first four songs on our newest album, Lines, Vines, and Trying times! (totally rocks!), make sure to have him tell you how long it is, brah! ‘cause sometimes he’ll just get up and leave, and not even tell you! Managers got a lot of on their mind, especially when he’s managing a certain band that rocks super hard! Oh, wait, I’m talking about my band! Sahweeet!
Editor’s note: No one at Holy Taco wrote this post, so there’s no point in suing us, because we didn’t write it. Someone must have hacked into our site, and then wrote it. Yes. That’s what happened.
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That explains why she was so stiff and didnt even squeal when I was measuring mine in her ass!
haha its funny because its true!
I DONT BELIEVE THAT KEVIN WROTE THIS!!!
THIS WHOLE ARTICLE IS STUPED ND GROSE…
KEVIN JONAS WOULD NOT DO ANYTHING LIKE THIS.!.
HAHAHHAHAH oooooh wow…thats hilarious…i hope everyone understands that there manager…is also there father ….
LMAO!!
lmao omfg if only disney read this shit! they be fired so fast and they seriously should no talent what so ever XD fucken funny…
Wow, that made my day. I wonder if he even knows this is written about him. Lmao.
I measure mine with Blames wife’s ass
wow you guys are sooo stupid….and this is lame…and stupid! gaytards u know you all dont get ANY action….hahaahah
This article is not real
OMFG. Are you seriously a fucktard?
haha!!!! wow i wonder if he ACTUALLY did this!!!! ROFLMFAO!!!!
omg that was so funny….
YOU GUYS THIS IS SOOOO FAKE LIKE HE WOULD ACTUALLY COME ON THE INTERNET AND WRITE ABOUT SOMETHING LIKE THIS YOU ARE ALL JUST IMMATURE IF YOU BELIEVE THIS
poop
omg,my is checked like every 3 weeks by my wife,after we have some time together,if u know what i mean.
Did you guys not read the editor note? Duh it’s fake but it’s still funny as heck!
Get this shit the fuck off the internet. Yeesh. Talk about lousy jokes.
ya im shure the jonas brothers always get measured by their manager cuz they cant get any 1 else.
Funny. I know exactly how deep my throat is.
Sorry to tell you Blame, but your wife is dead after trying to measure mine.
Was this real or fake then?.. serious
huh guys,,, WEEEEIRD,, you guys got some problems,,,
U guys R Gross!!!!!!!!!!
wow. first of all why the hell are you measuring ur own penis?! wtf!! ok then…
2nd that was hillarious!!
really gross but funny!! two thumbs up!
but seriously!! is he gay?!?!
THIS CANT BE TURE!!!!!!!!!!!!! THATS JUST NASTY!!!
Are you an idiot then?… serious.
i would soo love if joe can cum and measures his in my mouth i would soo love it..i wanna know if white boiis really got big dick`s
there is no way in hell he would have wrote this.. u ppl are fucking sick!!! god i just wanna punch all u ppl in the fucking face! get a life seriously
There is no way possible Kevin could have wrote this! Gosh what the duck Kevin wouldn’t write that because little kids look up to him, and that’s freaking disgusting you pervs!
me husben measures my all the time
ROTFL love ittt.
Mine too.
Yeah I get measured by Blame’s wife too.
So, Jonas Zombies scour the internet to see if the Next Bland Things names are mentioned?
Cheer up, gals. In 2 years, you won’t remember them. Like N*Sync, The Backstreet Boys, 98 Degrees, NKOYB, Menudo, etc, etc, etc.
PS. The Jonases certainly enjoy deep anal.
i think that you are one of those people that have way too much time on their hands because 1. you have the time to go through the tons of stupid shit online and find this and 2. you took the time to write a huge comment about it. ITS A FUCKING JOKE! get over it… if someone is really gonna think this is true then they are fucking stupid and should learn that everything on the internet is true. if it was everyone with an email address would have a 12 foot dick and be a millionaire because of some internet business. grow up…if ur gonna bitch about it why just not waste ur time reading it in the first place!
wow thats some funny shit but people these days have way to much time in their hands and to make something up like that…. just wow but i had a thought that they were gay but i really dont think they are its just the way they dress.. but i love the Jonas Brothers dont get me wrong and I think its funny that someone would waste their time writing this and it even sounds fake… i mean people you need to get a life and quit making up rumors cause thats probably what happened to the guy who wrote this.. so yeah leave the Jonas Borthers alone and its their life they can do what they want.. and they did nothing to you to make you write this so get a life so yeahh… FUCK OFF!
You are a dumb B…… you need to get a life and don’t judge people who love each other no matter what sex.. oh ya one more thing “GET A LIFE”. and jessica you don’t know their lives so shut up.
You guys are such idiots. I’m not even kidding. Why would you even spend time in your stupid pathetic lives to write something so mean, perverted, retarded and untrue. Kevin Jonas and his family are Chrisitians. They aren’t like that. You can get sued big time for that so good luck trying to convince people that it wasn’t you. Plus, why does everyone make things up about Kevin? “Kevin’s gay. He measures his @#$%^&*. He broke his purity promise”. What the !@#$%^&* is wrong with you people? Why Kevin? Because, most Jonas Brothers fans don’t like him? Well, guess what I’m !@#$%^&* inlove with him. And, it isn’t right that you have to make up ANYTHING about those sweet innocent guys. They are my life, and it really hurts to see people write lies about them. Especially Kevin. I love him alot, and I’m sick and tired of people hating on him. First of all, HE ISN’T GAY. He has a girlfriend in the first place (Danielle Deleasa). And, second of all. The Jonas Brothers are Christian. And, they go by what the bible says. Homosexuality is a sin. Their dad is a pastor. They are good kids. They have done nothing wrong for you to hate on them like most of you do. It isn’t right or fair. It’s stupid, immature and a waste of your pathetic lives. Just move on. And, GET A LIFE. I will defend those boys until the end. So, writing this isn’t a waste of MY life, as most of you are going to say, I bet. GET A LIFE,(; -Jessica. [PEACE, LOVE, & JONAS].
do you even know them.? umm no soo just shut up.
Jessica, I feel your pain. I’m a big fan of the Jonas brothers too. In fact, I got some tickets, wanna go with me? Maybe after you could mine?
“measure mine”
see the joke there is that I wanna have sex with Jessica.
dumb girls are easy to poke
Kevin this is your brother, Joe. Why have you been getting the manager to deep throat you when mom will do the same in like 10 minutes,plus getting mom to do it get’s me free glue.
thats weird…..i measure your wife’s
His wife’s dick, with your throat? Gaybag.
O yeah, I sometimes pay random chicks to do that. They are usually way off on the measurements, so I demand a refund… with my fist.
All u people that are talking shit about them and all those celebs uhm its time to get a life. it bullshit i bet this isn’t even true! somebody who wanted to start a rumor about the J.B wrote this. And a lot of boys measure it. so why does it matter??? they have feelings too they are people just like us!
My wife measures mine all the time!
your wife measures mine too.
yep, mine too
Hey! She measures mine too!
OK U GUYS ARE SO STUPID WHO EVER KEEPS SAYING THIS SHIT ABOUT THESE BOYS ARE STUPID. THEY ARE MY FRIENDS AND THEY WOULD NEVER DO ANY OF THIS SHIT OK. SO BACK THE HELL OFF OF JB,SELENA GOMEX,DEMI LOVATO,ROBERT,TAYLOR,KRISTEN AND ALL THE OTHER STARTS BECAUSE THEY ARE ALL HUMANS LIKE US WHO CARES IF THEY ARE FAMOUS THEY ARE STILL HUMANS UNDERNEATH LEAVE THEM ALONE DANG
the person who wrote this is a smart person….the celebs are just like us…
omg!!!! like 4real kevien jonas would never do that…
u go whoever wrote this..
u rock!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
p.s
write back if you can
YALL ARE WAY TO MESSED UP IS IT REALLY ANY OF YOUR BISSNUS IF HE DID MESURE IT OR NOT! OR IF HES GAY OR NOTONE DAY YOU MIGHT BE FAMOUSE WOULD YOU LIKE PEOPLE TALKING ABOUT YOU LIKE THAT! IM GUESSING NOOOOOOOOOOOO SO BACK OF IV HAVE TALKED TO THE JONAS BROTHERS AND ALL THE TIME SO BACK UP SHUT UP AND LEAVE THOSE INNICENT PEOPLE ALONE! FOR THE LOVE OF LIFE ITS NOT TRUE WHO WOULD PUT THIS KIND OF STUFF FOR OVER 1,000,000,000 AND SO ON PEOPLE TO READ I MEAN JUST LEAVE THEM ALONE RETARDS,IDIOTS,DUMB ASS WHAT EVER
Guys I get measured by Blame’s wife.
Oh my gosh I almost got a six pack from laughing at this. I swear the purity rings are a cover up for the MJS (micheal jackson syndrome; the denial of being homosexual or having any homosexual desires when EVERYONE with common sense knows it’s a damn lie) but hey whatever floats their boats.
Wouldn’t mind measuring the Jonas brother’s all at once if they let me. They coudl always repent later. lol =P I shoudl try to be a good girl and not let the jungle fever make me type naughty things.
i thought it was pretty funny lol i like some of there songs but i dont rly like them u guys should get somthing on there about miley cyrus and her nasaly voice!!!
i think all of u guys r groose kevin jonas will never do that hes no a homo and being a homo is against the bible and the jonas brothers r good boys and never do something so stupid like this u guys r stupid im reporting this to the jonas brothers and the police
you know if you say that they are gay than that means you are the one that is gay. i am not normally that mean to people but when they call the jonas brothers gay i come unglued
Hahaha!!
Just go get a life.
We all know your jealous of the Jonas Brothers. :l
da fuck i never thought kevin was like this :/ D: kevin why your so creepying me out
differyour toaly freaking me out i thought you were different wow
Do the world a favor nd leave them alone so what every guy does it the ma not admitt to it but they do. you guys think its so wonderful that you can try nd take their fame away. So leave the celebs alone. we dont care what they do its their life nd their buisness
gaaaaaaaaay
omfg the comments on this wer so much more funny than the article itself u dumb fucks did u actually think kevin jonas wrote this? jesus christ i didnt know ther was anyone in the world that actually liked ther music what kind of gay fag wood listen2 them
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same here
OH WOW! I thought that the one about them not so called “banging” a fan was bad, but this right here is just bullcrap! What the hell is wrong with you?! Is there something screwed up in your brain?! Do you need to go to a mental institution?! Because I think you do! Too bad noone is going to believe this shit! All of the people who are trying to make people believe that the Jonas Brothers are gay are truly PATHETIC! Why don’t you get a life instead of trying to screw up the lives of someone you don’t even know just to make yourself happy! You know you sure do seem to know alot about how to measure your penis. Seems like you’ve had alot of practice. Dumbass.
kevin would say dat u kno y??????? cuz he is gay…… he is sooooooooooo ugly! but i love nickkkkk!!!!!!!! he is hot
Hi! lCTcqB
this is so gay you really have no life if you have time to post this bullshit get a life and a real job!!!
This is the most stupidest website ever y dont you get a life u assholes.
ur a dipshit
jonas fans u lifeless losers jonas brothers are gay n brandon u homo get a life lmao lol
Pulsh*T!!!! Kevin is WAYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYY 2 pure 2 do that and he’s engaged this is cr*p
I think that when ppl write bad things about other ppl is because their jealous of how they do their own things.So to say I’m not really a fan of how this website is really working out.
– Taisha McCarter
that was not kevin he wouldn’t say anything like that use your brains if you have any
I really think that what this website writes about people is wrong and whoever believes this they dont know the real Jonas Brothers and are not faithful in them.Plus the editors note gives it away that this website wrote it so whoever they trash talk can sue.I think that this website is over rated and needs to be shut down let the stars be themselfs without people saying anything bad about them!!!
OMG!!! LIKE WTF!!! KEVIN WOULD NEVER SAY DAT!!! SO WHO EVER THE HELL PUT DAT IS STUPID!!! ND LIKE DA OTHER PERSON SED (GET A LIFE!!!)! ITZ LIKE IF YALL HAVE NOTIN ELSE 2 DO DEN 2 BE MAKIN UP SHIT LIKE DAT!!! YALL SUCK!!!
I LOVE DA JONAS BROTHERS!!! =]
wow wtf!!?! u r stupid kevin jonas would never say tat u gay person!!!!!! get a life!!!! u r stupid and a poser sooooo u r gay and neeed 2 turn straight!!!
You guys are sick if you think for one minute that anyone’s going to believe this SHIT!!! ILY Kevin!! <3
THANK YOU! You took the words right out of my mouth!
You’re so not a true Jonas fan if you don’t like Kevin just as much as you like Nick and Joe. You’re just a poser
lmao, That was the highlight of my day! xD
dont you just love hackers??
I’m sorry, but whoever wrote this that is supposedly “Kevin Jonas”, which i highly doubt, must be some 40 year old-Jonas Brothers Hating-no taste in music-computer loving-idiot who still lives in his moms basement and decided to measure their own penus and was too embarassed to post it with their own name and thought it would be a good idea to put a bad label on Kevin Jonas and his manager that makes them seem gay!
So I say good day to you sir!
P.S. I am a dude, I’m not gay, and just because i like their music does not mean i’m gay, bi, or a transvestite. So again, good day to you sir, or maam. whatever.
Wow;
this is so stupid bull crap;
I’m sorry, but whoever wrote this that is supposedly “Kevin Jonas”, which i highly doubt, must be some 40 year old-Jonas Brothers Hating-no taste in music-computer loving-idiot who still lives in his moms basement and decided to measure their own penus and was too embarassed to post it with their own name and thought it would be a good idea to put a bad label on Kevin Jonas and his manager that makes them seem gay!
Ha…. leave it up to Kevin Jonas
wtf!!! yall r bulls**t!!! good lord!