Guest Column: Kevin Jonas Of The Jonas Brothers

April 21st, 2009 | 04:15 pm
 
Editors Note: Here at Holy Taco, we welcome celebrities to share their thoughts with us about whatever topic they like.  We promise not to censor them.  Therefore, we were ecstatic when Kevin Jonas of the Jonas Brothers asked to write a guest column. 
 
Yo, what's up fans! This is Kevin Jonas, from the Jonas Brothers! So, if you're like me, you're at the age where you're doing cool stuff like shredding on a guitar, and measuring your penis! So, let me give you a little break down on the best way to measure it, coolio?
 
Step 1.  I was really confused at first, but luckily my manager over at Disney knew exactly how to help me out!  Did someone say Rockin?! Oh yeah! So the first thing you're going to want to do, is go to your managers office, and close the door. Then take your pants down, it’s measurin’ time!
 
Step 2: Next step is super simple. Your manager is going to need something to measure by, and my manager said that rulers are waaaaaay to inaccurate. Weird, right! I guess they don't RULE-er. Hahaha! So, instead, if your manager is like mine, he'll know how deep his throat is!
 
Step 3: When your manager is done measuring, which usually takes about fifteen to twenty minutes,  or as long as the first four songs on our newest album, Lines, Vines, and Trying times! (totally rocks!), make sure to have him tell you how long it is, brah! ‘cause sometimes he’ll just get up and leave, and not even tell you!  Managers got a lot of on their mind, especially when he’s managing a certain band that rocks super hard!  Oh, wait, I'm talking about my band!  Sahweeet!

 

Editor's note: No one at Holy Taco wrote this post, so there's no point in suing us, because we didn't write it.  Someone must have hacked into our site, and then wrote it.  Yes.  That's what happened.  

Comments

88 Responses to "Guest Column: Kevin Jonas Of The Jonas Brothers"

  1. Sciencekingfred Says:

    Kevin this is your brother, Joe. Why have you been getting the manager to deep throat you when mom will do the same in like 10 minutes,plus getting mom to do it get's me free glue.

  2. That one girl. Says:

    wow thats some funny shit but people these days have way to much time in their hands and to make something up like that.... just wow but i had a thought that they were gay but i really dont think they are its just the way they dress.. but i love the Jonas Brothers dont get me wrong and I think its funny that someone would waste their time writing this and it even sounds fake... i mean people you need to get a life and quit making up rumors cause thats probably what happened to the guy who wrote this.. so yeah leave the Jonas Borthers alone and its their life they can do what they want.. and they did nothing to you to make you write this so get a life so yeahh... FUCK OFF!

  3. that one guy. Says:

    i think that you are one of those people that have way too much time on their hands because 1. you have the time to go through the tons of stupid shit online and find this and 2. you took the time to write a huge comment about it. ITS A FUCKING JOKE! get over it... if someone is really gonna think this is true then they are fucking stupid and should learn that everything on the internet is true. if it was everyone with an email address would have a 12 foot dick and be a millionaire because of some internet business. grow up...if ur gonna bitch about it why just not waste ur time reading it in the first place!

  4. Anonymous Says:

    me husben measures my all the time

  5. tabisha Says:

    there is no way in hell he would have wrote this.. u ppl are fucking sick!!! god i just wanna punch all u ppl in the fucking face! get a life seriously

  6. Anonymous Says:

    There is no way possible Kevin could have wrote this! Gosh what the duck Kevin wouldn't write that because little kids look up to him, and that's freaking disgusting you pervs!

  7. ACikemeata Says:

    synthroid online
    Another thing to remember is not to take two tablets at once only to catch up with the mixed dose because it may lead to overdose.

  8. Anonymous Says:

    This is the most stupidest website ever y dont you get a life u assholes.

  9. Anonymous Says:

    ur a dipshit

  10. Krissy Says:

    You guys are sick if you think for one minute that anyone's going to believe this SHIT!!! ILY Kevin!! <3

  11. Anonymous Says:

    Pulsh*T!!!! Kevin is WAYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYY 2 pure 2 do that and he's engaged this is cr*p

  12. Taisha McCarter Says:

    I think that when ppl write bad things about other ppl is because their jealous of how they do their own things.So to say I'm not really a fan of how this website is really working out.
    - Taisha McCarter

  13. Anonymous Says:

    that was not kevin he wouldn't say anything like that use your brains if you have any

  14. Anonymous Says:

    OMG!!! LIKE WTF!!! KEVIN WOULD NEVER SAY DAT!!! SO WHO EVER THE HELL PUT DAT IS STUPID!!! ND LIKE DA OTHER PERSON SED (GET A LIFE!!!)! ITZ LIKE IF YALL HAVE NOTIN ELSE 2 DO DEN 2 BE MAKIN UP SHIT LIKE DAT!!! YALL SUCK!!!

    I LOVE DA JONAS BROTHERS!!! =]

  15. Anonymous Says:

    THANK YOU! You took the words right out of my mouth!

  16. kasey Says:

    same here

  17. Anonymous Says:

    kevin would say dat u kno y??????? cuz he is gay...... he is sooooooooooo ugly! but i love nickkkkk!!!!!!!! he is hot

  18. Anonymous Says:

    You're so not a true Jonas fan if you don't like Kevin just as much as you like Nick and Joe. You're just a poser

  19. brandon Says:

    wow wtf!!?! u r stupid kevin jonas would never say tat u gay person!!!!!! get a life!!!! u r stupid and a poser sooooo u r gay and neeed 2 turn straight!!!

  20. Anonymous Says:

    jonas fans u lifeless losers jonas brothers are gay n brandon u homo get a life lmao lol

  21. Anonymous Says:

    OH WOW! I thought that the one about them not so called "banging" a fan was bad, but this right here is just bullcrap! What the hell is wrong with you?! Is there something screwed up in your brain?! Do you need to go to a mental institution?! Because I think you do! Too bad noone is going to believe this shit! All of the people who are trying to make people believe that the Jonas Brothers are gay are truly PATHETIC! Why don't you get a life instead of trying to screw up the lives of someone you don't even know just to make yourself happy! You know you sure do seem to know alot about how to measure your penis. Seems like you've had alot of practice. Dumbass.

  22. skyla Says:

    this is so gay you really have no life if you have time to post this bullshit get a life and a real job!!!

  23. Taisha McCarter Says:

    I really think that what this website writes about people is wrong and whoever believes this they dont know the real Jonas Brothers and are not faithful in them.Plus the editors note gives it away that this website wrote it so whoever they trash talk can sue.I think that this website is over rated and needs to be shut down let the stars be themselfs without people saying anything bad about them!!!

  24. OmNomNom Says:

    lmao, That was the highlight of my day! xD
    dont you just love hackers??

  25. Anonymous Says:

    Ha.... leave it up to Kevin Jonas

  26. Anonymous Says:

    I'm sorry, but whoever wrote this that is supposedly "Kevin Jonas", which i highly doubt, must be some 40 year old-Jonas Brothers Hating-no taste in music-computer loving-idiot who still lives in his moms basement and decided to measure their own penus and was too embarassed to post it with their own name and thought it would be a good idea to put a bad label on Kevin Jonas and his manager that makes them seem gay!
    So I say good day to you sir!

    P.S. I am a dude, I'm not gay, and just because i like their music does not mean i'm gay, bi, or a transvestite. So again, good day to you sir, or maam. whatever.

  27. Sierra Says:

    Wow;
    this is so stupid bull crap;

    I'm sorry, but whoever wrote this that is supposedly "Kevin Jonas", which i highly doubt, must be some 40 year old-Jonas Brothers Hating-no taste in music-computer loving-idiot who still lives in his moms basement and decided to measure their own penus and was too embarassed to post it with their own name and thought it would be a good idea to put a bad label on Kevin Jonas and his manager that makes them seem gay!

  28. Anonymous Says:

    wtf!!! yall r bulls**t!!! good lord!

  29. Anonymous Says:

    Just go get a life.
    We all know your jealous of the Jonas Brothers. :l

  30. Anonymous Says:

    Do the world a favor nd leave them alone so what every guy does it the ma not admitt to it but they do. you guys think its so wonderful that you can try nd take their fame away. So leave the celebs alone. we dont care what they do its their life nd their buisness

  31. Anonymous Says:

    gaaaaaaaaay

  32. kasey Says:

    you know if you say that they are gay than that means you are the one that is gay. i am not normally that mean to people but when they call the jonas brothers gay i come unglued

  33. kbyupp Says:

    Hahaha!!

  34. dalis jonas Says:

    i think all of u guys r groose kevin jonas will never do that hes no a homo and being a homo is against the bible and the jonas brothers r good boys and never do something so stupid like this u guys r stupid im reporting this to the jonas brothers and the police

  35. .... Says:

    da fuck i never thought kevin was like this :/ D: kevin why your so creepying me out
    differyour toaly freaking me out i thought you were different wow

  36. dhat Says:

    omfg the comments on this wer so much more funny than the article itself u dumb fucks did u actually think kevin jonas wrote this? jesus christ i didnt know ther was anyone in the world that actually liked ther music what kind of gay fag wood listen2 them

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