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Guest Column: Miley Cyrus Gives Her Thoughts On The Israeli-Palestinian Conflict

Editors Note: Here at Holy Taco, we like to get points of view that you might not find other places.  That’s why when Miley Cyrus reached out to us and asked to do a Guest Column, we gave her the green light.
War is super ew.  Like, nobody wins them cause when they’re over both countries are super gross like the bathroom they make the extras use on the Hannah Montana set. 
Plus, why is everybody over there so mad all the time?  They need to take a tooootal chill pill.  Like, in the fourth episode of the second season of Hannah Montana entitled "It’s my party and I’ll lie if I want to" when I totally lied about going to Kelly Clarkson’s birthday party and got caught, I could have gotten mad, but instead I channeled that anger into a song one of the writers wrote for me to sing and everything was totally better.  I don’t understand why they can’t get writers to write them songs to sing and perform with a choreographed dance team? It’s waaaay more chill than lobbing missiles into heavily populated surbaban areas, which is suuuuper not cool and makes you look dorky anyway.

I think one of the reasons that everyone is so mad in the middle-east is because they wear clothes that are not cute at all.  I know when I’m wearing super not cute clothes I totally call my agent and act super b-word at him, even though he doesn’t deserve it.  I think President O-diggity should just go to like, H&M when they’re having a super good sale, and just buy a bunch of stuff and drop it over there with that plane they used to drop that elephant in Operation Dumbo drop.  Then when the Hamas militants or Israeli soldiers, go to fire rocket propelled grenades at each other they’ll be like "nah, I don’t feel like it, I don’t want to ruin this cute hoodie I’m wearing."
My dad says they’re fighting over each others land or something, but trust me, when I was first starting out I shared a trailer with one of the Jonas brothers and it was no picnic but I got through it, even though he totally dropped my tooth brush on the floor!  Merry Christmas and be sure to buy the first season box set of Hannah Montana, available now on DVD!

23 Responses to "Guest Column: Miley Cyrus Gives Her Thoughts On The Israeli-Palestinian Conflict"

  1. Dave says:

    She is nothing but a stupid moron. Her father is a used up has been and in a few years, she will be too.

  2. GaryNull says:

    That little fucking cunt is a billionaire. WTF?

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  5. Anonymous says:

    to norcal:

    The web page that this story appears on has no indication that it is a parody, spoof, or humor.
    My comment about changing the headline is valid. Your comments would be valid if there was a notice that it was a parody, spoof, or humor. We do have freedom of speech but, there are responsibilities and consequences associated with it.

  6. here’s the problem. the royals whlo commissioned the king james bible, said that israel was in palestine. obviously none of em read the book. it turns out that israel is in yemen, just like the bible says and davice’s painting map out. in fact parts of israel expanded into africa. but the royals who commissioned the bible don’t want to admit that they were wrong. so they’d rather spend money investing in the palestine v. israel war.

  7. Anonymous says:

    of course is false, do you think she can write?

  8. Anonymous says:

    Interesting story, even if it is false. The headline should be changed to “How To Invite A Lawsuit”.

  9. dundundun says:

    She’s talking like a normal teenager. I don’t get why people have to call her stupid when she’s just 16.

  10. patigerjet says:

    Very funny Montana satire. Only part of the essay (blog) that would seem contrived is her acknowledging the “Hamas” organization. Otherwise Perfecto!

  11. Fabescore says:


  12. Pratik says:

    Could’ve gone without that link to her box DVD set.

  13. justin says:
    Well, i figured that’s what she’d link to, but apparently it’s not cool to link to stuff even as a joke.  So, I changed the link to avoid being lynched via internet.  From now on any external link will go to the scene from Saved By The Bell where Zach finds out Jesse is taking drugs.  I hope you’re all happy.
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  15. RAWR!!! says:

    My IQ just went down about 10 points

  16. norcal says:

    “The headline should be changed to “How To Invite A Lawsuit”.”

    Parody is protected speech. You realize this is a humor based website, right? Are you Miley’s retarded underwear model boyfriend?

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  19. Oscar says:

    Thanks a bunch for changing the link. I missed that episode and will be soo happy to see it. You are the best.

  20. rashed jayousi says:

    iam palestinan and i was u think well mother fucker go in isreali army me and meet me ill kick ur ass i may throw a shoe in ur face maybe i get famous

  21. Elissa says:

    LMAO!!! i clicked on the link just to see where it goes..

  22. serena says:

    Dear Miley

    Just two minutes ago you were one of my true heros but now I think that you’r a total spoiled I mean when Justin Bieber said it I thought he was totally wrong but know I SEE you even more than spoiled . . . you’r like SUPER spoiled .
    I mean you cann’t judge on people from thier clothe or look I mean if people judge each other from there clothe you were n’t have any fame because you’r clothe are UGLY I mean in oscars 2009 you looked just like my christmas tree & in the grammy awards 2010 you looked stupid . . . any way you should judge people for the person they are but in you’r personality (and clothe) you’r stupid .

    And finaly there is one other point you should see the israeli-palestinian did you ever see how hard is there lifes .

  23. Rupert says: