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Guest Column: Your Site Is Cool, I Guess

(Holy Taco’s Facebook Fan Page recently surpassed the coveted 2,000 Fans benchmark. To celebrate this momentus occasion, we asked our 2,000th Facebook Fan to write a guest article explaining why he likes Holy Taco so much.  This is what he sent us.)
Hey, Holy Taco.  I guess I’m proud to be your 2,000th Facebook Fan.  Honestly, I didn’t even know about it until you PMed me, but it’s cool I guess.  I decided to become a fan because a friend of mine sent me an article from your site. It was pretty well written, the structure was solid, and the content was amusing.  The article was called "25 Girls Playing Football in Their Underwear".  I thought that’s all you guys did at Holy Taco.  Y’know, just finding collections of hot girls doing things.  Then I went to the site and in between the sexy girl galleries there were all these posts with a bunch of words in them, and very few pictures of hot chicks.  That’s cool I guess, if that’s what you’re into, but that’s not what I’m into.  I like hot girls and that’s what I use the internet for. 
Y’know what, though? Going to your site every single day and rummaging through the writing stuff to find the girl galleries is really time consuming, so I figured that, if I just became a fan on Facebook, it would be easier to see when the girl galleries came up, and I could just ignore everything else.  Sometimes you fool me by dropping a hot girl pic into a post that’s not about hot girls at all, and then using that as the thumbnail on facebook.  That’s kinda clever, but it’s also annoying, because then I click on it and there are all these words on my screen instead of hot chicks, which is what I go on the internet for.  So you should stop doing that.

As long as I’m talking about things you should stop doing, You should knock it off with the bingo cards every Friday.  I guess you do that because you’re feeling lazy toward the end of the week and it’s pretty easy to just come up with 24 quick observational jokes about a place.  That makes sense, but I’d prefer to just have 24 pictures of hot girls that are loosely tied together with some sort of theme, like "Girls Who Are Almost Flashing You", or "Girls Who Are Flashing You".  Work on that.
Also, I’m tired of your stupid lists where you just hate on everything. According to your site, there’s no hairstyle, facial hair, article of clothing, pet, or favorite food that doesn’t qualify me as a douchebag. And stop doing inner monologues of boring people, too.  That’s stupid.  Do an inner monologue of something I’d be into, like maybe an inner monologue of a guy going down on Keeley Hazel, or an inner monologue of a dude sneaking in to Warped Tour or something like that.  Stop with the lame shit and make it interestinger and funnier.  Also, put some hot chicks in it.
Now that I’m thinking about it, there are a lot of things that I hate about your site.  In fact, the only thing I like about it is that sometimes you feature hot chicks that I can still drool over while I’m at work, because they’re wearing shirts, but you can pretty much see through them.  Oh, I also like Noah the Intern a lot.  I like how, whenever he has to find pictures of girls for you guys, he always gets old ugly broads who nobody knows because they’re old and ugly.  That’s funny.  I like laughing at him, not with him.  Keep giving me the opportunity to do that, and I might occasionally click on some other articles, as long as they have chicks in them.
Okay, that’s it.  Thanks for letting me write this article, even though it was just pure coincidence that I happened to be your 2,000th fan.  I hope this was what you wanted it to be, but whatever. I don’t really care. Your site the only gay lifestyle site that I ever go to, and I’m straight as an arrow, so I guess that’s good**.  Alright, take care.
**(Editor’s note: Holy Taco is not a gay lifestyle site and neither of it’s editors are gay…not that there would be anything wrong with that if we were, but we’re totally not. We have no idea how he got that impression, but we’re not gay. Seriously. We’re not.)

15 Responses to "Guest Column: Your Site Is Cool, I Guess"

  1. dapetstaritefully says:

    Ha its funny some of the souches that posted on here couldnt tell they wrote this…this is really inner monologue of a douche who added us on facebook because sum chick he wants to talk 2 has it on her profile…

  2. aPlateOfGrapes says:

    Digging the viral nature of the content, but I have to disagree with his argument. 92% of the internet is porn. If I just want hot, nekkid bitched 100% of the time, I’ll go to another site. Getting the occasional hot chick mixed with humor, that’s a good formula.

  3. Barn Door says:

    I almost believe the 2000th douche bag actually wrote this article. This smells like Holy Taco’s stinky vag writers all over it.

  4. Agreeman says:

    100% Agree because we all know that usually a random person who has a solid writing style/grammar/actually uses punctuation on the internet and managed to shop together some small pictures to back up what he is talking about would take the time to describe in detail what he likes and dislikes about a random website.

  5. Drunken Pig says:

    This shitty site is diver-down!!

  6. DonkeyXote says:

    I’m pretty sure this is the week where The Souless Ginger will finally eat his grandma out, not only does she cook nice meals and has a tiny place, but she will be super-grateful.

    That’s right fucking ginge, run, run little fucking walking road-cone!!!!

  7. The Souless Ginger says:

    I’m pretty sure this is the week where Holy Taco has officially jumped the shark.

  8. the gingless souler says:


  9. MyFightWiffaCheeto says:

    The hot girls are pretty nice. You guys.

  10. MyFightWiffaCheeto says:

    Oh yeah. FIRST FAGGOTS

  11. boop de doop says:

    Hahah you guys got nailed.

  12. couriers mom says:

    my son and don quixotic are gay. you guys havent assessed the membership

  13. Joe The Asshole says:

    I have to agree… I only come here for the hot chicks but you are blow it putting pictures of naked predators… WTF?!?!?!?!?!

  14. Anony Mouse says:

    Great idea. For writing an article about your site, you ask a guy whose attitude toward the written word indicates he’s borderline illiterate, is (apparently) interested in nothing but pussy so far above his station it makes his beatin’ wrist ache, and from his profile pic probably uses the term “brew-dog” as if it makes him sound cool.

    You literally cannot scrape the bottom of the barrel any harder without finding metal shavings.

  15. twistoflime says:

    I think this is the best article I’ve read on Holy Taco in weeks