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Have You Ever Been To A Porno Movie Premiere?

I’ve only known one person who was in a porno. It was this girl I worked with at a restaurant called Crocodile Cafe. I found out she was in the porn because one of the cooks had apparently been given the porno by his friend and this girl was on the cover. So, the other waiters and I decided it’d be really funny to watch it. We crowded into my apartment and popped it in the VCR. At first we were laughing because it had this ridiculous story line about architecture, but then this dude took off his pants and banged the living hell out of her in an alley for 45 minutes, then dropped a load that seemed physically impossible to have fit in his nutsack, all over her face. At the end she was so like, drained and tired from the banging, that when dude said his line of “I guess that building’s not getting built today,” she was just like “ughhhhh.” Then he asked her again louder cause “ugghhh” apparently wasn’t the line, and she goes “yeah, not…building.” None of us were laughing and smiling. The next day when we came to work and she was there. It was awkward, but it would have been waaaay more awkward if we were watching that with her. Hollywoodtuna.com reports that just happened:

It’s not that often we see a porn movie have a premiere that’s covered by the media, but for some reason [the movie] “Pirates II: Stagnetti’s Revenge“ had one.

An actual premiere. That means her family and friends were there. Watching her have sex. The closest I’ve ever come to that is one time my Aunt walked in on me masturbating. There was a mechanical pencil near me and I actually contemplated grabbing it and killing her, then myself. Like, not joking. That was a real thought for like a half second. That’s how awkward that was.

Anyway, the movie stars porn star Jesse Jane, who I actually spent a day with at Six Flags Magic Mountain, filming an interview with her on a Roller Coaster. Wow, I wish my thirteen year old self could read that previous sentence. That would have given me something to look forward to while I was suffering through weird baby fat man boobs.

Maybe it’s not awkward for porn stars to have family watch them screwing. Maybe they’re family is used to shit like this:

15 Responses to "Have You Ever Been To A Porno Movie Premiere?"

  1. justin says:

    First of all, I wasn’t the one on camera. I just filmed it and edited it. Mike was the on air guy, and mike was not going to fuck anything, because jesse’s 6’9″ boyfriend was about three inches to the left of the frame, staring at mike. I pissed next to him in a urinal after we rode riddler’s revenge and his piss stream sounded like a thousand horses galloping. Secondly, that was some shitty grammar. But the fact that it prompted a “do you get paid by the apostrophe” joke, I think makes it worth it.

  2. Mr. Balls says:

    I don’t care what you fags say, Jesse Jane is fucking skanky as hell. I mean if you’re into the silicone broads that have had way to much plastic surgery I imagine you probably think she is pretty hot. I for one think she is nasty.

    Now on the other hand, check out that broad on the right, that’s a good looking whore right there.

  3. Kev says:

    What’s worse- being a porn actor in a porn premiere, or knowing a family member wants to watch you do your thing in a porn flick premiere? No sexual position is more uncomfortable than being in the position of having a family member wanting to watch you bang/get banged on a movie screen.
    But then again, it’s just a movie.

  4. Kev says:

    Uncle Joe:
    “Wow Billy! What a fine performance! How you managed to get your spluge up her left nostril from 10″ away I’ll never know! What? Do they teach you that at acting school?”

  5. HowOldIsShe?/What'sHerName? says:

    Retorts. Its the retorts that keep me coming back…

    oh and the articles about porn and gratuitous pics of fat asses and round boobs.

    14/maitreya

  6. samuel says:

    porno is my fevourit action

  7. Buddy Ice says:

    That Jessie Jane interview you did was awesome, but, you didn’t get laid and it looked like she would have. So in the words of all the great 13-year-old-internet-word-smiths: “EPIC FAIL”.

    Unless you did get laid, and you’re holding out on us.

  8. Mike says:

    This was just a post to plug his weak interview with that broad.

  9. rusty says:

    Okay, although I would be completely capable of starring in a porno flick, I could not ever even tell my family that’s what my job is mind you be proudly displaying my junk at a premiere. Some things are better left unseen!

  10. Rusty says:

    Although I would have no shame at all doing a film, I would never want my family to see it. Some things are just better off unseen. Creepy!

  11. JT says:

    Thanksgiving would be really awkward. “Hey Jesse, why don’t you climb up on the table there and show your uncle Frank what you learned to do with a turkey leg?”

  12. manuel says:

    whos the girl on the left? with the brown hair

  13. Pratik says:

    I’m usually not too anal about it, but dude… get a spell-checker and grammar-checker.

  14. Mr. Balls says:

    Manuel: Some slut

  15. First, you used “we’re” incorrectly, then you threw in a “you’re” for good measure.

    Do you get paid by the apostrophe?

    What a jack’ass.