Ahh, Florida. My home. The land of withering old Jews, Cubans that refuse to learn English after living in the States for multiple decades, and some of the finest, stupidest criminals on Earth. In short, it’s the retirement home for America’s most prolific idiots. A shining example of this impressive idiocy can currently be found in the Florida state congress, as for years some legislators have been attempting to officially ban bestiality, but to no avail. As of this very moment, in the state of Florida you can bang a goat and there will be no repercussion. The Florida state senate has continuously attempted to ban the practice, but the Florida House of Representatives has kept alive the idyllic American dream of being able to rape any animal you want to rape. Why? Well, their answer is probably pure bullshit with the word freedom tossed in a few times for good measure.
The issue is currently being debated again in Tallahassee, and, again, the measure to ban bestiality will most likely fail, because we’re Florida, and as our state motto goes, “Plenty of Sunshine, No Basic Principles of Human Decency!” This motto is represented in the very reason the issue is being brought up for debate, as if the very idea of bestiality weren’t enough. Apparently, while a Florida man was having sex with a goat named Meg, he “accidentally” strangled it to death has he banged it. Bang a goat? That’s fine; no need for debate. Bang the goat…and kill it? We need to have a talk, kids. That kind of behavior is, quite frankly, a little weird.
Seeing as the entirety of the human race has some skin in the game in regards to the bestiality issue — a vote such as this one reflects upon us all — I feel it’s time to help Florida finally make a definitive Yay or Nay decision on the matter by providing a simple Pros and Cons argument.
Pro-Bestiality
You get all the free pussy you want.
Con-Bestiality
Those pussies smell like hay and shit.
Pro- Bestiality
The animals can’t say no to sex….
Con- Bestiality
…except for horses, which tend to express their Nos through the power of explosive kicks to the face.
Pro- Bestiality
Can’t get AIDS from sheep.
Con- Bestiality
Sheep don’t have AIDS, do they?
Pro- Bestiality
No condoms needed!
Con- Bestiality
Dick riddled with STDs only found in pigs.
Pro- Bestiality
No chance of having a baby!
Con- Bestiality
If your animal f*cking reputation precedes you, no chance of having human babies, either!
Pro- Bestiality
Another way Florida can be one-step closer to becoming Ayn Rand’s version of utopia: a government that does not inject itself in to the lives of citizens.
Con- Bestiality
Citizens that freely inject themselves in to the vaginas and anuses of animals.
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It takes a very special kind of person to fuck an animal, so special they ought to be treated with an equal – if not worse – level of perversion.