This generation loves irony! I get it, “who farted” trucker hats and blu-blockers are funny, but here’s the rub: eventually you’ll (likely by ironic accident) have children, they’ll see pictures of you as a youngster and you’ll have to explain why you’re wearing a “Zimmerman Family Reunion ’86″ t-shirt when your last name’s not “Zimmerman” and you weren’t even born in ’86, and also why you’re pompously sporting a neatly groomed civil war ‘stache. It’s really hard for little kids to grasp irony. I mean, unless they’re cool. So good luck.
Remember seeing pictures of your parents? I found an old polaroid of my parents once from the late seventies, early eighties. It blew my mind. My dad actually had a perm and a sweet Tom Selleck mustache, my mom wore shoulder pads and pink-tinted glasses, but unlike most people from my generation, they didn’t actually know they looked stupid.
Now it’s all about owning your intentionally retarded style choices. I get it, I get it. You’re wearing a “World’s Greatest Dad” t-shirt but, wait a minute. YOU’RE NOT A DAD! Ha, good one. You’re wearing that shirt in an old photo. Fifteen years later, you have a son. He sees that picture of you wearing that shirt when you’re twenty and says “Dad, were you a dad then? Why were you wearing that shirt?” and now you’ve got the impossible task of trying to explain your love of irony to your kid. It will be frustrating. Just as frustrating as trying to explain your love of irony to your parents. Congratulations, our entire generation now is an inside joke!
I feel like this guy hasn’t farted out loud in fifteen years. His shirt says “I Love To Fart” but his face says “I Love To Hold It In”, which means he’s reached the pinnacle of irony. Try explaining that to a six-year old.
“What? No, your grandmother didn’t knit it, I bought it off of Etsy. That’s how I met your mother.”
“Yes, it looks like it was taken with a cheap old camera, but it was actually a six-hundred dollar iPhone. Pretty cool, huh?… Why didn’t I just used the cheap old camera? Why would I do that?… You so don’t get it. Go see if your mother needs help distressing her clothing.”
“What do you mean ‘what does deconstruction mean?’ It means deconstruction… Yeah, I know the mustache looks stupid, that’s why I grew it like that.”
“Uh. I don’t know what it means. I saw your grandmother wearing one like it in an old photo of hers. I think it was like a political slogan or something. But anyway, those pants got me so much pussy it was un-god-damn real.”