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Hey Hipsters, Good Luck Explaining Your Love Of Irony To Your Kids

This generation loves irony! I get it, “who farted” trucker hats and blu-blockers are funny, but here’s the rub: eventually you’ll (likely by ironic accident) have children, they’ll see pictures of you as a youngster and you’ll have to explain why you’re wearing a “Zimmerman Family Reunion ’86″ t-shirt when your last name’s not “Zimmerman” and you weren’t even born in ’86, and also why you’re pompously sporting a neatly groomed civil war ‘stache. It’s really hard for little kids to grasp irony. I mean, unless they’re cool. So good luck.

Remember seeing pictures of your parents? I found an old polaroid of my parents once from the late seventies, early eighties. It blew my mind. My dad actually had a perm and a sweet Tom Selleck mustache, my mom wore shoulder pads and pink-tinted glasses, but unlike most people from my generation, they didn’t actually know they looked stupid.

Now it’s all about owning your intentionally retarded style choices. I get it, I get it. You’re wearing a “World’s Greatest Dad” t-shirt but, wait a minute. YOU’RE NOT A DAD! Ha, good one. You’re wearing that shirt in an old photo. Fifteen years later, you have a son. He sees that picture of you wearing that shirt when you’re twenty and says “Dad, were you a dad then? Why were you wearing that shirt?” and now you’ve got the impossible task of trying to explain your love of irony to your kid. It will be frustrating. Just as frustrating as trying to explain your love of irony to your parents. Congratulations, our entire generation now is an inside joke!

I heart Fart

I feel like this guy hasn’t farted out loud in fifteen years. His shirt says “I Love To Fart” but his face says “I Love To Hold It In”, which means he’s reached the pinnacle of irony. Try explaining that to a six-year old.

“What? No, your grandmother didn’t knit it, I bought it off of Etsy. That’s how I met your mother.”

“Yes, it looks like it was taken with a cheap old camera, but it was actually a six-hundred dollar iPhone. Pretty cool, huh?… Why didn’t I just used the cheap old camera? Why would I do that?… You so don’t get it. Go see if your mother needs help distressing her clothing.”

“What do you mean ‘what does deconstruction mean?’ It means deconstruction… Yeah, I know the mustache looks stupid, that’s why I grew it like that.”

“Uh. I don’t know what it means. I saw your grandmother wearing one like it in an old photo of hers. I think it was like a political slogan or something. But anyway, those pants got me so much pussy it was un-god-damn real.”

24 Responses to "Hey Hipsters, Good Luck Explaining Your Love Of Irony To Your Kids"

  1. GRIFF says:

    None of that is ironic, fucking hipsters. Nothing that any of those fucks do is truly ironic, someone look up the goddamn definition for them.

  2. BonaFide says:

    There are so many types of irony, I’m sure some of the above applies

  3. DonkeyXote says:

    And let’s not forget the type of movies hipsters cream their panties over, like watching a dude piss in a bath full clear water while staring into space…. dark yellowy piss oozing out of his wrinkled dick like in “Starbus” but give ‘em a Hollywood flick like “Superbad” with the fat kid getting period blood on his thigh from a campy dance, which is actually FUNNY in so many fucking levels, and they’ll tell you how TASTELESS that is. 0.o

  4. SmartA$$ says:

    That’s a picture of Bert Blyleven, former Twins pitcher and almost Hall of Famer. Not a f**king hipster. BTW, he really, really loves to fart. So that shirt isn’t really ironic as it is a statement of fact.

  5. bad acid trip says:

    love that last line

  6. sean says:

    this can be explained simply by saying “i was young and stupid then…”

  7. chas says:

    someone explain this fascination with hipsters. why do people find them so offensive? they’re not a social movement. they’re not self-righteous hippies who get in your face. they just wear skinny jeans and listen to music with an obnoxious amount of reverb on it. they do nothing that interferes with anyone’s life.
    also, good luck explaining to your kids that you worked for a blog called “holy taco” and wrote about god knows what for a living. also good luck explaining why you can’t pay for them to go to college.

  8. Jackie Treehorn says:

    Bert Blyleven just got into the fame this year he merked.

  9. #bestacidtrip says:

    Almost a H.O.F.er? Bert was inducted to the hall this year!

    But yeah, the part about,

    “I feel like this guy hasn’t farted out loud in fifteen years. His shirt says “I Love To Fart” but his face says “I Love To Hold It In”, which means he’s reached the pinnacle of irony. Try explaining that to a six-year old.”

    That proves to me that Holy Taco has no clue who Rik Albert Blyleven is, and if asked who he is, you would be answered w/ a blank stare. Trust me, Bert has never held back a fart, and never will. That’s Bert. He’s one of those guys.

    One example

    http://www.dailymotion.com/video/x4nacy_bert-blyleven-drops-the-f-bomb-vide_sport

    I get it though. Hipsters are soon taking the title of “Most Hated”, from white trash. Yeah, my vote’s in there with yours. Hipsters Suck.

    btw,
    If you want to rip on a Mn Twins pitcher for being an emo or hipster or both, check out Scott Baker and/or Kevin Slowey. Those 2 have the touchy feely, emo huggy, talk about it, type of relationship and it’s the lamest thing I’ve ever seen in a Major League Dugout.

    signed,
    tongue kiss my shithole

  10. Over it says:

    The only people who would care about or read this article (myself included) are probably hipsters according to someone’s definition. Really, really wish hipsters would stop trying to out-I’m-not-a-hipster one another. Who gives a shit?

    Hey, losers: Just accept there isn’t a 18-35 year-old on the planet that doesn’t want to be thought of as cool and get over it.

  11. ben dover says:

    I guess I must be stupid, cause I think mustaches are pretty awesome.

  12. louis says:

    when we’ll be older, we’ll still be ironic the way we are now

  13. Gilles Misrahi says:

    Hipster looks are impossible to explain to anyone. Cheesy cool can be cool but it’s not… ironic and nothing of that here. PS : Frankie says Reeeeeeeelax ! is nevertheless a useful message.