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Highlights Magazine: The Evil Version

Remember when you’d go to the dentist’s office when you were a kid and there’d be a copy of Highlights Magazine on the waiting room table? And you were so bored that you thumbed through the whole thing? Well, that magazine sucked. Really bad. Even eight-year-olds knew it blew. So, we decided to redo it. If there’s a hell, we’re going to it for this. Enjoy.

Click on the images to make them bigger.

Co-written by Patrick Schumacker

I asked Co-writer Patrick Schumacker if there was anything he wanted to plug and he said “I don’t know, Jon Augusts blog?” So, there you go.

37 Responses to "Highlights Magazine: The Evil Version"

  1. teeheehee says:

    quite possibly the funniest thing i have ever read

  2. Obbop says:

    Disappointent fills my corpulent lard-laden body from my marrow to my oozing pustie-laden epidermis at the lack of tentacles assaulting lithe nubile females with skimpy pleated skirts barely covering those luscious upper-thigh regions.

  3. Wolfgang says:

    OH WOW! I had a whole pile of the original magazines… some family friends offloaded this pile onto my poor unsuspecting parents… and seeing this page has brought back so many memories of childhood rainy days… lying around wishing for something better to read!

    Great work! I agree that one knew this magazine was pretty lame… even when you were only 6. Funny stuff.

  4. John Apple says:

    Prety wicked stuff dude!


  5. Funny stuff. I hated Highlights in offices too. Whenever my family goes to family counseling in the office there is that stupid magazine. Uh. But it was funny thanks for publishing it.

  6. Fink says:

    That bit about the responses to the letters about dinosaurs is fucking hillarious. “You’re as stupid as my whore ex-wife” haha.

  7. Tina says:

    It’s already been done kids! And even better than this:


  8. Becca says:

    this was pretty hilarious

  9. The Captain says:

    I have been up all night listening to the complete ABBA catalog and I still don’t see what’s silly. I also didn’t get what “irony” means from the Alanis song. “a free ride when you already paid”? So irony means “shit happens”? PLEASE HELP!

  10. Shaggy says:

    Tina, that wasn’t funny at all.

    The Captain, shut up.

  11. Nikki says:

    Very funny!

  12. The Captain says:

    Tina, that was hilarious.

    Shaggy, suck it.

  13. Bruce says:

    Somewhere, a formerly dismal part of my childhood is now smiling. Thank you.

  14. John August, Hollywood Player says:

    LOL! Sure, I get paid a lot of money to write big studio movies, such as Big Fish and Charlie & the Chocolate Factory, but I can indubitably say that this is a wonderful case study of where writing is heading into the next millennium (yes, the year 3000, and it’s coming sooner than you think). Keep up the great work, guys, and thanks for linking to my blog.

  15. Dorcas says:

    Wow, it’s getting really hard to tell Goofus from Gallant among the commenters.

  16. Carlin says:

    Captain: You must really feel like a dumb fuck dip shit for wasting precious hours trying to figure the picture out when you could’ve been using that time to jerk off on your momma tits. Total knuckle head.

  17. fucalot says:

    eyes was walkin itos a walsmart ones day and had to take mes a crap
    wells its alll the way in the back of the store
    i didnt makes it that far
    i shit myself about half ways there
    it came outs my pants leg on the floor
    and i sliped and fell
    smashed my head and died

  18. Anonymous says:

    This is Stupid.

  19. kromusdomus says:

    I’m surprised this doesn’t pan the idiotic Timbertoes — all kinds of room for wood jokes. . .

  20. Worrieddad says:

    I was just showing my daughter a copy of Highlights. I think we both would have enjoyed this one more.

  21. Brian Nowhere says:

    This made me laugh. Highlights is classic suckiness at it’s finest.
    Poor Goofus…He’s such a fuckin retard.

  22. Bob says:

    Nice hosting your pics off of Flickr. Now I get to see pics of your apartment and Ho! Tis best to separate business from personal.

    Anyho….Funny as shit. Make more Highlights.

  23. slicklock says:

    So which one do you think they put in their asshole, the screwdriver or the hammer?

  24. A. Nell Fisher says:

    Thanks for the tour of your house (?) in your flickr album. Please tell me that’s your mom or your grandma or some shit in that one pic and that you don’t actually fuck that thing.

  25. SillyPutty says:

    Hey jackyang: learn how to type you ignorant fuckwit.

  26. The Captain says:

    I have been looking for hours at the last picture and I still can’t find anything “silly” about it. Thanks for wasting my fucking time.

  27. Scott says:

    The Captain-> Go listen to music by ABBA and then you will get it.

  28. The Captaion says:

    Scott – I just got done listening to their Greatest Hits album and I still don’t get it. Can you please explain it for me. Also can you find the definition of the word “irony” for me since I still don’t get what that means either. Thanks. Your the tops!

  29. Anonymous says:

    Give me more like this!

  30. Scott says:

    Captain or Captaion->
    Go listen to Alanis Morissette “Ironic” and you will get irony.

  31. Pete and P says:

    Its ironic because her song about irony really doesn’t describe irony. LAWL.

  32. Anonymous says:

    Wow… how can you guys not get the ABBA joke… how many things do you see wrong with that pic… at least 4

    or in otherwords the band!

    i mean come on look at them wtf…

  33. Lambert says:

    this was the funniest thing i have ever read by far

  34. MarK Darvin says:

    Disappointent fills my corpulent lard-laden body from my marrow to my oozing pustie-laden epidermis at the lack of tentacles assaulting lithe nubile females with skimpy pleated skirts barely covering those luscious upper-thigh regions.

    This is a really good post and something I never thought about, but I do recall a few eatery charges on my credit card that seemed to be much higher than I recalled spending. Well I think I will make an effort to bring enuf cash for tipping from now on if possible!

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