Hit Snooze and Give Al Qaeda A Dollar

Have trouble getting up in the morning? Do you hit the snooze button more often than you should? The SnuzNLuz has a solution for you. This alarm clock connects to your bank account via a secure WiFi network and automatically donates money to an organization you hate every time you ht the snooze button. If you need some help, here are a few organizations that would help you get out of bed on time:

The North American Man Boy Love Association (NAMBLA): Every dollar goes to cornholing an eight-year-old. Possibly in the mouth.

The Ku Klux Klan (KKK): Every dollar goes to making sure Obama doesn’t become president. And then killing him.

The Official Church of Satan: Every dollar goes to boring the shit out of you. We get it, you hate God and you worship Satan. Oooh, you’re very scary.

Racist Skinheads: Every dollar goes to a pair of Doc Martens, some suspenders and a crappy homemade tattoo that says “I R Wite.”

The Westboro Baptist Church: If God hates fags so much, wouldn’t he pitch in and get you some better signs to tell the world about his prejudices?

The Catholic Church: Every dollar goes to NAMBLA.