We figured the best way to explain technology in a straight-forward manner is to explain it to a surly old guy and record the results. Since Google+ is the internet’s latest attempt to phase out internet users over sixty, we decided to start there. Google+ is the only place on the internet where you won’t get bombarded with glitter graphics, porn spam and pictures of women’s shoes. Yes, we know we’ve previously made fun of it, and we still stand by our words, but it looks as though it’s not going away, and who are we to argue with the masses?
What the f*ck is Google+?
It’s a new social networking platform, Gramps. It’s not necessarily better than any other one, but it’s got some decent new features that will allow you to waste more time, while upholding the illusion that it’s designed to make you more productive.
What the f*ck are these circle things?
Those are your social circles, Father Time. You can take your friends, the ones that are still alive, and file them into different circles. This will allow you to share things with only the groups of friends you want to share them with.
For example, you could could make one circle called “War Buddies” in which you could share articles from the Veteran’s Administration website and you can all bitch about your lack of benefits.
Or, you could make a circle called “Family Members Who Still Talk To Me”, which would be the two or three sympathetic grandkids you’ve got, plus your son. Not the one you disowned for marrying a Japanese woman, the other one.
Then throw up one more circle for the family members who refuse to talk to you. The great thing about circles is that nobody knows which circles you’ve placed them in, so you can keep up with those estranged family members from afar, with great regret for having such a spiteful old heart.
What the f*ck is this stream thing?
Well, it’s got nothing to do with wether or not you took your flomax, it’s just where all your friends share articles and status updates.
What the f*ck is a hangout? I’m not gay!
We know, Orville Redenbacher. But a hangout isn’t very Bartles & James. I mean, unless you wanted it to be. But for your sake, let’s just say it’s more like VFW bar than a lemon party.
Hangouts allow you to invite friends, or circles of friends, into a group chat where you can see each other via webcam, chat via voice or text, and watch youtube videos together. I’m not going to explain youtube to you again.
What the f*ck is a spark? I told you, I’m not a homo!
Please, calm down you old coot! Sparks are a way to find articles that interest you. You can keep your sparks listed and find links and videos on those topics that you can share with other shaky handed curmudgeons.
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