Father’s Day is just around the corner, and if you’re anything like us, you hate trying to find something to give your dad for Father’s Day, because no matter what it is, he looks mildy appreciative of it, and then looks at you sideways, like he’s wondering if you’re gay or something. But now, thanks to the miracle of cafepress.com, we can make our own Father’s Day gifts, and you can buy them!
The #5,384,726 Dad Mug
Let’s be realistic: there are over a billion dads on this planet, so there’s probably no way that your dad is #1. Still, even if he ranks in the top 10 million, that’s pretty f*ckin’ good, right?!
The Daddy Wall Clock
What better way to remind your dad of the joys of being a father than with this Daddy Wall Clock! Now, at any point during the day, he can look up and know not only what he should be doing, but why he’s doing it!
The Get Off My Lawn Lawn Sign
Remember how your dad was always pointing guns at people and telling them to get off of his lawn?! Y’know how he’s just too damned old to do that now? Well now he can own a sign that does the work for him! Just set it and forget it!
Dad’s Advice T-Shirt
Dads are full of good advice, but there’s one piece of advice that they’re uniquely qualified to give: how to avoid getting stuck with your own "you". Let your dad proudly wear his feelings on child raising right on the front of his own t-shirt!
Boner Pill Boxers
The only thing more embarassing than having to take boner pills is forgetting that you have to take boner pills. So why not help Dad reclaim at least a little bit of his lost dignity with these handy boxers, featuring a reminder printed right near his flacid junk?!
#5,384,726 Dad Trucker Hat
It’s like a wearable version of the mug at the top of this article! The fact is, your dad is probably not the best father or trucker in the world. But at least as a father he’s ranked!
#5,384,726 Dad Bumper Sticker
It’s like a version of the trucker hat above that sticks to the bumper of your car! In fact, that’s exactly what it is! Odds are pretty good that the dad driving behind your dad will be ranked much lower than this, so give your dad the chance to rub it in!
The Honest Dad’s Apron
You may think that Dad loves manning the grill, but let’s be realistic: who enjoys cooking sixty-five burgers in the sweltering heat? Nobody, that’s who. But sometimes talking to your family is much, much worse. Now, with our handy Honest Dad’s Apron, people will know to stay away from Dad and let him suffer the lesser of two evils!
The Disappointed Dad Mug
Let’s face it, every dad has high hopes for their children. Not that they’ll be a good person, or reach a high academic level, but that they’ll be good at sports. So when you’re not, you’ve disappointed your dad beyond belief. So why not give your dad a mug, that says how he feels, without having to say it!
Thanks For Splooging Inside of Mom Card
Nothing says "I love you, dad" more than a card with a semen stain on it, thanking your dad for ejaculating in to your mom. It’s honest, straight forward, and completely appropriate for Father’s day.
Make Fun Of Your Father’s Glaucoma Card!
Your dad is old as hell, and he knows it. His vision has been blurry for a long time, but this card will force him to look at the reality of the situation. His body is falling apart and his senses are failing him. This is a hilarious way to remind him that death is imminent and fast approaching!