Holy Taco Field Guide to Naming Groups of People

Crows come in a murder.  Everyone is instantly amused when they learn this.  Boars come in a sounder.  Otters in a romp.  Porcupines in a prickle.  It’s no end of amusement to look up stuff like this so long as you never question how this is official in any way or who decided on such names.  But once you’ve exhausted the hilarity of groups of animals, what’s left?  Who names groups of humans?  I’ll give you a hint: he’s got two thumbs and is typing this (at this point I paused in my typing to point at myself with my thumbs).  Because I’m as official as anyone who ever said a group of porcupines is a prickle, here’s the Holy Taco Field Guide to Naming Groups of People.

A Dick of Hipsters:  traveling in small packs known as Dicks, groups of hipsters can be identified by their peculiar Starbucksian odor, shabby clothes and generally unlikeable attitude.

A Derangement of Twilight Fans: Often seen in mobs or groups, derangements of Twilight fans are noted for their total lack of taste of ability to reason.

A Mental Deficit of Maury Guests:  rare in the wild, these groups are known for flamboyant and spontaneous dance routines, loud noises and occasionally requiring reminders to breathe lest they choke out on their own tongues.

A Douche of Ginos/Guidos:  Often seen in unbelievable photos on the internet and once in a show on MTV, a Douche of Guidos is often identified by the robust orange glow of their skin, the sharp frosting in their hair and the series of grunts and groans which science does not believe is any form of meaningful communication.

A Shame of McRib Fans:  Located aimlessly and groggily roaming the dining areas of McDonald’s restaurants, the McRib fans are slow moving, bleary eyed and often suffer cramps after any mildly quick movements.

A Crotch Cricket of E! Celebs: Known for their inability to contribute anything to society, E! Celebs serve no purpose whatsoever.

A Bankruptcy of TLC Celebs: A subtle variation on a crotch crick of E! Celebs, the main difference is that TLC celebs seem much dirtier and less vindictive, rather they are often the unwitting victims of a more sinister group, a Devil’s Anus of TLC Executives.

A Devil’s Anus of TLC Executives:  See above.

A Turd Boat of Wal Mart People:  So named for their signature odor, appearance and general place in the universe, a turd boat of Wal Mart people will always be found at every Wal Mart and you will always known exactly what I mean as soon as you see them.

A Crust of Hobos:  Found on streets asking for change, in shelters and occasionally bathing in mall bathrooms, a crust of hobos travel together in murmuring, eerie groups.

A RamJam of Beliebers:  Often seen on Twitter, Beliebers generally don’t realize how much they enjoy shitty butt music.