Have you ever wondered why it’s so easy to trick grandma or grandpa in to thinking just about anything? Maybe you just causally toss out something like, “yeah, so, it turns out mom, you’re precious daughter, is a syphilitic whore” and they lose their minds and think their little girl is handing out her coochie to skivvy meth heads. Of course, you were just BS’ing them; just tossing out a little light sarcasm to liven up their generic asking of “How are things?” But to them, it was absolute truth.
If you’ve ever wondered that, then here’s some sad news for you: your grandparents probably have dementia, at least according to science.
Researchers at the University of California, San Francisco recently conducted a study of sarcasm and lies and how they affect they elderly mind. The scientists quickly found that old people with various cases of brain deterioration, sarcasm and lies were difficult concepts to grasp.
This all means that gullible old people are gullible because their brains simply cannot recognize someone trying to deceive them, even if the person isn’t trying very hard to do it. This could explain why old people are easy targets for my some people’s telemarketing scams.
I myself once had to deal with a relative slowly slipping in to dementia, so as a public service that I wish I had back when gramps was losing his mind, I’ve created a test you should administer to your elderly loved ones to test their brains for dementia.
Noooo. You totally don’t have dementia! Are you kidding? You’re fine. Remember that time you kept checking your pockets for your car keys over and over again, at least 15 times in the span of 3 minutes? No? Well, that sure wasn’t a sign of your dementia, now was it? No, that means you’re healthy!
Or, how about that time you went to the supermarket 4 times in one day to buy chocolates you thought you didn’t have and then eventually realized you had all of this melting chocolate in your car out in the sun for hours? Remember that? No? Well, that’s 100% fine by me, because it’s not like after you put that melted chocolate in the freezer, I though some masked bandit had broken in and took a shit next to my Eggos. I’m not pissed about that. But I would have been if had happened, and, as you can recall, it didn’t actually happen, right? Right?!
I mean, it’s not like you’re pissing in your kitchen sink every day, and then I come to visit you and I wonder why my glass of soda smells vaguely of Paxil and your piss. That doesn’t happen at all. At all. Never in 1 million-zillion-billion years could I have ever gaged at that thought of imbibing my grandfather’s dick water. Never. Because that’s sooooooooo not something you do, right? High five for never making your grandson swallow something that was inside of you! Ten points for grandpa for never allowing that to happen!
If you’re elderly loved one reads that passage and considers it to be one big, glowing compliment on how they’ve managed to keep their shit together in the face of old age, yet they’ve actually done all of these things, then get them to a specialist for observation.
And grandparents with dementia, please, stop pissing in sinks.
This has been a Holy Taco Public Service Announcement.