Holy Taco Presidential Endorsements

What makes a good presidential candidate? We here at the Taco say it’s good decision making. And what decision is more important than the decision of “Who am I going to hump for the rest of my life?” With that in mind, Holy Taco has decided to endorse one candidate from each party. Here are our choices.

DEMOCRAT: Dennis Kucinich

You may say, “He doesn’t have a shot in hell of winning.” You might be right, but take a look at the picture above and tell me that if you saw Dennis Kucinich and then you saw his wife, and you didn’t know they were married, you wouldn’t say, “He doesn’t have a shot in hell of banging that chick.” You would and you’d be wrong. Also, his wife has a tongue ring. That would mean she’d be only the second first lady ever to have a tongue ring, with Martha Washington being the first. That’s a rumor, started by me. Feel free to pass along.

POLITICAL STUFF: I like Dennis Kucinich’s stance on healthcare reform. I like Elizabeth Kucinich’s stance on banging nerds.

REPUBLICAN: Fred Thompson

Everybody says he has no charisma. I ask you this, if he doesn’t have charisma, then how does a man who looks like something I thought lived in my closet when I was six and caused me several bed-wetting nightmares, able to land a hot wife who’s half his age. If you think anybody who’s on a hit TV show can have a hot wife, then you haven’t seen this picture:

Political Stuff: I like Fred Thompson’s stance on Social Security. I like Jeri Thompson’s stance when she drops something and has to pick it up.