The internet is a wild and dangerous place full of miscreants. Many of them are reading this along with you and we love them all because they’re our core audience. In celebration of the back alley that is Holy Taco and its wonderful fans, we’re giving our super fans, the people who go above and beyond the call of duty, the chance to be featured right here along such hallowed journalistic milestones like How to Make Love to Christopher Walken and gifs of kitty cats.
This week’s friend is Alex, who made waves in the Facebook group by professing undying love, challenging a bear to a jello wrestling match and then dropping some obscure references to dairy products. Needless to say we were impressed and sent her a message. 13 messages later including one from a fake account that we said was from a Hollywood producer and she wrote back. What follows is the no less than 60% honest account of our interaction.
HT: You seem to not be incarcerated or otherwise held against your will, tell us about yourself.
A: Well, I’m 18, I’m a sophomore at UNCW and I play field hockey. That’ like real hockey but without all that ridiculous ice and Canadians. I mean really, Canadians?
HT: Yes, they’re a silly lot. What’s a UNCW? Is that like PCP or BEP?
A: Oh no, those are both terrible. It’s the University of North Carolina Wilmington.
HT: So is field hockey exciting to watch?
A: Probably not. Maybe if I’m playing. My favorite sport to watch is soccer.
HT: And yet you’re not from an impoverished African nation
A: I know, weird, right? By the way, F*ck Ghana.
HT: Ha, take that, Ghana. Your GDP is only $755 per person. Way to fail at not being rich.
HT: Anyway, is there anything else readers need to know about you?
A: I like cheese more than any dessert. And once, this guy took me to McDonald’s on our first date, but I still dated him for a year.
HT: That never happens when we take girls to McDonald’s
A: This guy was good looking, though.
HT: Awesome…for him. Switching gears, what makes you come and read Holy Taco? We’d been under the impression it related to us all being so good looking.
A: See? That’s funny. That’s why I come to HT, it stops me from committing a slow, painful suicide on boring summer days. Also, if I get bored of internet porn, I can always go to Holy Taco to get off.
HT: Can you confirm you actually wrote that in an email to us and it’s not something we made up for this article?
A: Not really. Only the two of us will ever know for sure, I guess.
Want to be our Facebook Friend of the Week and be the envy of millions? Want to gloat like a power-mad despot over your non-Facebook Friend of the Week friends as you show them how you’re on one of the internet’s most taco-themed comedy sites and they’re not? Want to let us look at pictures of you? Head on over to our Facebook page and make yourself heard. Show off your wit, your intellect or your calves. Amaze us and maybe you’ll end up in this hallowed featured. And who knows, maybe you’ll impress our bosses so much they fire us and hire you instead.