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Holy Taco’s Take on Teachers Doing Porn

Last year, high school Biology teacher, Tiffany Sheperd, was fired from her job at a Florida high school because the administration discovered that she also worked part time as a bikini girl on a charter fishing boat. Pretty tame photos of her in a bikini were discovered, passed around by the students, and she was canned. Claiming that she sent out thousands of resumes after she was fired and was even turned down to work at a prison as a teacher, she turned to porn.
 
 
She says it was a last resort and she "hates doing it", but let’s be honest here: now days, anyone that receives a modicum of celebrity and has no real talent to speak of, but wants to milk that celebrity for all it’s worth, ultimately turns to porn. It’s a proven formula that works time and time again and just proves the point: if people know who you are, you’ll want to see you f*ck on film. But it’s never a last resort, like Tiffany Sheperd, aka Leah Lust, claims that it is. She just took a cue from her slightly more famous predecessors.
 

 
Before Paris Hilton made it cool, John Bobbitt perfected this move. You might know him as the guy who got his dick cut off by his wife, Lorena. She then took his penis on a joy ride, threw it out of the car window into a field, where it laid in the dirt till the cops showed up to recover it. Amazingly, his penis was reattached and he generated some extra cash by doing a porn film call, John Wayne Bobbitt Uncut.
 
 
Another example of someone who could be doing something else, but instead cashed in on thier D list celebrity by doing porn is Jaimee Foxworth. You might remember her as the little girl on Family Matters that disappeared upstairs after a few seasons on the show, only to return a few years later on the internet as "Crave", getting banged bt dudes like Lexington Steele. As bizarre and seemingly sad as that might seem, nothing is sadder than the re-attempt at stardom by Dustin Diamond, aka "Screech", from Saved by the Bell (he gives someone a "dirty sanchez" in the video). Clearly he could be generating cash in some other way. Sure, he probably isn’t going to be getting any acting gigs anytime soon, but he could be doing something else.
 
 
All of these people saw an opportunity to make some extra cash, and took it. They weren’t living in the streets, they weren’t exploited in any way, and no one held a gun to their head and told them to do it. They’re all just shameless people who like to f*ck and took full advantage of the fact that people will pay to see that, which brings us to what we can only hope to be the next future porn star: Lindsay Lohan.
 
 
 
Last week, Lindsay’s house was broken into and her safe was left wide open. According to her, "some very incriminating videos and photos were taken". To me, this sounds like the whole thing was set up for the release of a "stolen" sex tape that Lindsey will ultimately profit from. She fits perfectly into the archetype. her career sucks, she’s running out of money, she’s a former child star, and she’s been rumored to have been hanging around with porn producers. All signs point to porn. We know that Lindsey is a big Holy Taco reader, so we wanted to send her this message: You have no options left. This is your last shot at stardom. For the love of God, do porn. Do lots and lots of porn.
 

16 Responses to "Holy Taco’s Take on Teachers Doing Porn"

  1. Smokey says:

    Lohan is so unattractive to me
    I don’t get why people think she looks good
    is that a good picture of her posted above? she’s supposed to look sexy there?

  2. Melanie says:

    Ha, I thought the very same thing when I saw that picture. If it is supposed to be a sexy picture, something’s gone horribly wrong. She must have been high. The photographer, too.

  3. JudG. says:

    is “Pale Frotch” really……? nah!

    ??

  4. MaxSpain says:

    Yeah. Maybe five years and 20 (plus) pounds ago. Now she is just a ginger Skeletor.

  5. hyperbolist says:

    Like every other male pornstar, Jack: have a hot girlfriend that you accompany to the set, who also wants to do porn, but only with you. And your dick had better not be less than 7″ long.

  6. Jack Of All Trades says:

    that is one of the few good things that girls have, that guys don’t; they can do porn. if a girl wants to do porn, its easy for her to get a job. if we want to do porn… how the hell would we get job?

  7. datdude says:

    I felt that way too… until Dustin Diamond got to do a porno. Now I feel anything’s possible.

  8. Anonymous says:

    There’s not much of a market in the porn industry for 600-lb, 14-year-old shut-ins, Jackoff. Maybe you’ll get lucky and somebody will pay you to leave mindfuckingly stupid comments on Holy Taco 20 hours a day.

  9. Claynoidial says:

    lindsay lohan do not do porn youre a fuckin pale frotch.

  10. Kyle says:

    I wouldn’t mind seeing lindsay lohan get face fucked…for the pure comedic value

  11. pale frotch says:

    Claynoidial, the logic of your argument is unassailable.

    I bow to the brilliance of your rhetoric, and am forced to agree that “lindsay lohan do not do porn”, and furthermore, that I am indeed a “fuckin pale frotch”, whatever the hell that may be.

  12. Gainer says:

    hahaha

  13. Jeff says:

    That teacher-slut is actually using the name LEAH Lust, not Lisa. She’s average and boring.

  14. Ronald McDonald says:

    Spell check please.

  15. kingdingaling says:

    I’ve done some internet porn, kinda fun but don’t pay much, not at all really. still fun though

  16. Mr Belding says:

    Screech??