Five Retro Hostess Commercials, In Honor Of Hostess Bakery Declaring Bankruptcy

It’s been a really tough year for the snack food industry. First there was the loss of Dorito’s creator Arch West who passed away not long ago, and now Hostess is filing for bankruptcy. If you’re not familiar with Hostess products, then you’re probably not reading this website. They’re the creators of Twinkies, Ho-Ho’s, and mysteriously non-perishable fruit pies. Why Hostess is declaring bankruptcy is a little confusing. Sure, there’s been an intense crackdown on junk food for today’s youth, but marijuana use has increased since the early nineties and fat people are still kind of ok with being fat. You’d think those factors would cancel each other out.

Trying to figure out the cause for the downfall of this saturated-fat empire is pointless. The fact of the matter is Hostess is in danger. The fate of the Twinkie is in your hands, America (and a few select countries). We’d like to help Hostess right their ship by  showing you a few retro commercials for their amazingly delicious, unhealthy products! Let’s get the munchies and reminisce…

Old School Hostess Twinkies Commercial

In this commercial from the early seventies, a kid is trying to get her mom to see “Twinkie The Kid,” which was an anthropomorphic twinkie who wore a cowboy hat and carried a lasso. When the mom claims to not see the imaginary character, the young girl tells her mom to take a bite of the Twinkie, then asks if she is able to see Twinkie The Kid. It doesn’t take a community college education to see that in this commercial, Twinkies are clearly a metaphor for psychedelic mushrooms.

Hostess Pudding Pie Commercial Featuring Joey Lawrence!

In a Joey Lawrence from “Blossom” voice: Whoa! Look at how delicious and chocolatey that preservative pie is!

Ninja Turtle Pies

Each one of these weird green pies came with a ninja turtle sticker and a small card with a checklist for symptoms of juvenile diabetes.

The Creepiest Twinkie Commercial Ever

This may have been Hostesses’s way of deterring children from eating their Twinkies. “Hey kids, want to enter a puppet world where everyone’s dressed like a clown and sugar tops the food pyramid! All you have to do is lie to your parents and run away from home!”

Cartoon Fruit Pies

Anytime something edible is given an voice, a personality and a costume, it should make people not want to eat it. But that was apparently not an issue in the seventies and eighties…