The other day I took my dog to the dog park, to let him run around. About five minutes into it, a weiner dog came up and started sniffing my dog’s asshole.
Now, my dog’s pretty large, about 110 lbs, which was unfortunate for the weiner dog because my dog didn’t notice it was sniffing his butt, and squatted to take a shit. The weiner dog wasn’t fast enough to scoot out from under my dog’s squatting ass, so it was pinned in between my dog’s asshole and the ground.
Then my dog shit all over the weiner dog’s back.
And not just a little bit of shit, this was straight up Japanese porno style; a flood of shit covering the weiner dog like an out of control soft serve ice cream machine.
Now, this is not something you see every day, so I started laughing, until suddenly I heard a woman screaming like she just witnessed Osama Bin Laden molesting 400 nine year olds. Turns out she was the weiner dog’s owner. And she was not happy.
So, she runs up to me, and is like “What the hell are you doing?! You’re letting your dog go to the bathroom on top of my dog?! Is that what you train him to do?!” First of all, if I could train him to do that, I wouldn’t be writing this blog, I’d be traveling the country, going from town to town with my dog, having him shit on the backs of other dogs, because I swear to you now, that show would pack the seats every night.
Secondly, her dog chose to shove HIS nose into my dog’s asshole and I’m guessing he knows what comes out of assholes, and thus realized that, and decided the risk-reward for shoving his face into it was worth it. Anyway, the woman got pissed off and took her dog and left. But this whole ordeal got me to thinking. It seems like every where you turn these days people are expecting dogs to act like human beings. We have entire shows dedicated to forcing dogs to NOT act like dogs and call them shit like "The Dog Whisperer."
I can understand if your dog is attacking other dogs or people, but aside from that, remember this; we’re the ones who decided to own them. They’re not like babies. You didn’t get drunk one night and bang some chick and the next morning she’s like “I think you’re getting a dog.” So, if we’re the ones choosing to have them, then we shouldn’t get to completely cramp their fuggin style. If they want to eat shit, let them eat shit. Sure it’s gross, but I’m sure you’ve let someone you know eat Arby’s before, and you didn’t knock their roast beef sandwich out of their hand and go “NO! Nooooooo.”
If they want to pull hard while they’re walking, then guess what, that’s a pretty good sign that they got some shit that’s important to them, that they want to check out. Let them check it out. And finally, if they want to sniff another dog’s asshole, well then, they know the consequences.