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How to Cast Your G.I. Joe Re-creation of “Red Dawn”

When I was a kid, I was completely obsessed with G.I. Joe action figures.   Eventually I started running out of fictional storylines, so I decided to re-enact some of my favorite movies of the time.  By far, the best movie to re-enact with G.I. Joes is Red Dawn.  Casting is important, though, so be sure that you choose the right G.I. Joes to represent your characters.
Patrick Swayze as "Jed", played by Dusty
Swayze is the main character of the film and the most important part of your cast.  I suggest using Dusty, mainly because there’s a scene at the end of Red Dawn where Swayze is wearing a neck-cover hat type thing, and most versions of Dusty come with that, so it’ll be true to the movie (at least the coolest part of the movie).
Charlie Sheen as "Matty", played by Tunnel Rat
Sheen is another very important character in Red Dawn. He’s Patrick Swayze’s little brother, so you need to pick a G.I. Joe that can be a good fighter, but also shows some vulnerability.  I think Tunnel Rat is your best choice. Don’t let the face paint fool you. He’s vulnerable.

C. Thomas Howell as "Robert", played by Big Ben
Robert’s parents get killed early in the movie, and he just turns into a complete badass.  He saws of shotguns. In one awesome battle scene, he just sits on a roof rolling grenades down and blowing up Russians. He’s badass, and he must be cast correctly.  I suggest Big Ben for the part of Robert, only because he comes with a little bag of grenades, which you can use when re-creating the aforementioned awesome scene.
Snake Eyes as "Snake Eyes", played by Snake Eyes
There’s no ninja in Red Dawn, but every 8-year old knows that if you have a ninja, you use it in everything. Change the storyline a little bit to incorporate a ninja who eventually saves the day by doing ten backflips, shooting a guy with his ninja machine gun, and then cutting another guy in half with his sword. It’s totally worth it.
For the rest of the characters, you can use whoever you want.  There are no girls in an 8-year old’s version of Red Dawn, so I can’t help you there.  The Russian bad guys can be anyone, because they’re all going to get killed anyway. Just try to avoid any of the Cobra guys that look like robots, because that will totally destroy the reality of your re-creation.

9 Responses to "How to Cast Your G.I. Joe Re-creation of “Red Dawn”"

  1. Frank says:

    You must have been born about 1980, cuz I did the same thing with GI JOE’s. so much inspiration came from Red Dawn.
    we neighborhood kids actually used entertech water-guns and dressed up for a full day of “War” in which we sent extreme boundaries and played until one time killed or captured the other kids. As construction site activity increased this game got better and better.

    biggest problem was the girls would never play with us

  2. Philosofag says:

    “biggest problem was the girls would never play with us”
    I bet nothing has changed, except now the biggest problem is that you have shit caught under your dickhead.

  3. Anonymous says:

    I’d nominate this for post of the week. Funny and right to the point.

  4. Guhdntyt says:

    Of course there was a ninja in Red dawn.You didn’t see him.You never see a good ninja.

  5. Kristin says:

    Red Dawn is the greatest of all the movies that are like Red Dawn. Watch it today!

  6. Anonymous says:

    I would totally fucking watch a Red Dawn remake done with action figures. PEW PEW PEW PEW.

  7. Patrick says:

    Kudos to you, Thomas. Very funny.

  8. uglysexy says:

    my friend brittany alexis palmer is in gi joe the rise of cobra

    she hot ;p

    check her out….

    but not here cause this is me

  9. DTOM says:

    At the rate things are going in this country we may be playing real life “Red Dawn”, and the commies ares till thebad guys!