How To: Deal With Going Bald

December 9th, 2008 | 05:02 pm
 
Your hair is falling out. It sucks but it's not the end of the world, it's just really really close to the end of the world. Here's some tips on how to deal:

1. Don't fight, accept.

 
 
Your hair, much like Arrested Development, is not coming back no matter how great it was.  You can't fight baldness and win.  It's like your girlfriend, the more you fight it, the worse you look, and the less your chances are of getting laid.

2. Look for inspiring bald guys.

 
 
There's lots of bald guys that women find attractive. Lots! There's that one guy... on that one show... I think. Whatever, the point is there are some. Find one that inspires you!

3. Look at the positives.

 
 
When you had hair, everyone knew you were a pussy because you already looked like one. If you're bald and you shave your head, you'll look tough and people will have to confront you to find out you're a pussy, which happens way less.
 

4. Embrace your new team.

 
 
You're now part of a select group of men. Just like how the Kansas City Royals are part of a select group of Major League Baseball players. Help out your fellow bald men and together, there's nothing you can't accomplish!

5. Don't make fun of yourself.

 
 
Does a waiter tell you the food you ordered tastes like shit right before he serves you? Maybe only at Red Lobster. Otherwise no way! So don't you go putting yourself down either! Confidence is key. Believe you're a stud and women will either believe you, or think you must have a really big penis since there's no way you could be confident being so bald. Either way, you win!
 

24 Responses to "How To: Deal With Going Bald"

  1. Anonymous Says:

    I really have a problem with getting bold right now...And I really need to know what to take in order to get rid of this problem. Last year I`ve been to a drug detox center and since then I started to lose my hair. If anyone have any treatment for this, please reply me in a comment.

  2. Mikel Says:

    As someone who was informed of his bald spot by the girl sitting behind him in 1st period senior year of high school

    Mike from petites annonces

  3. Anonymous Says:

    Mr Balls is an absolute prick, but he's right!
    I have had long blond/brown hair for the past 6 years. Im now in my mid/late twenties and its becoming noticably thinner!

    My pussy level is already starting to decrease!

    I have seriously pulled over 10 chicks who have chatted me up about or wanted to touch my hair!
    Shallow but a womans a woman at the end of the day!

  4. Anonymous Says:

    I am going bold and have been for years but have been using cover up sprays for years ,thats ok when you have only lost a little hair ,but when it gets worse it will have to come off .I wish i would have shaved it off years ago when it first started to go and saved a shit load of money ,know when i shave it off people will say why did you do that you had a great head of hair its got to come off soon.

  5. cracker Says:

    If i could id scalp an indian and have a full head of hair, its not fair! I used to have a full head of hair that was down to the middle of my back, now ...Gone!!! I cant stand to see anything that even looks bald. And kids are always the ones to say something. They cant send a man to the moon but cant find a cure for being bald. It just proves that god just might be a woman.

  6. Anonymous Says:

    It would be best to find a cure. Some people do look very bad bald. I agree with the second comment. The hair industry is a 70 billion dollar business including pharmacy drugs, surgery and the rug business not to mention the endless potions that do not work. If bald were so great there would be none of this. I have fought it since 19 and it ruined my life. I am undergoing corrective surgery and for the first time seeing something positive - more hair - the more I see the happier I am. Bald is beautiful is BS!

  7. Anonymous Says:

    you guys are idiots for freaking out about it.. I get a ton of pussy, more than ever actually since I started buzzing my head.

  8. MikeBell Says:

    I think that going bald is kinda cool and I think it is also a turn on for women. Mike from kansas city vacation guide

  9. 22andbalding Says:

    I'm finally gonna have to get it shaved, dunno how short to go, but the thinning on top is pretty noticable. Shit state of affairs, now the woman will actually be a problem rather than some fun. Maybe. Ah, who the fuck knows, who the fuck cares. Life is life, fucked if I'm gonna let it get me down, we do have the all important hat... Or a very impressive head tatoo.... tatoo tatoo. That how it's spelt? mmm. lick my balding head bitch

  10. Anonymous Says:

    it,s all bullshit fuck sake it needs a cure admit are lives are shit because of it i got told in class 25 years ago fucked my life up before it got started i,ve never been the same since as for women i don,t wanna go near them because of it if anyone asks me money for poxy disease cause,s they get told to fuck off millions of us are in distress

  11. TFK Says:

    I started balding at the age of 12. I was that kid you knew in high school. You know the one. The only teenager in the whole school who was going bald. Every big city high school has one of us.

  12. T Says:

    I've gold bold already at the age of 25... so before it looked any worse I shaved the lot off and fucking love it.

    Everyone said I look better, and I also look more hard! And if anything I feel better talking to ladys as I know I aint got that little bold patch she might see... best thing i've done!

  13. Bosco Says:

    Haha Newt! You poor bastard, sucks to be you....

  14. himsoforreal Says:

    how in the hell is lardass from NYPD blue an inspiration? i mean aside from an inspiration to work out that is!

  15. Newt Says:

    As someone who was informed of his bald spot by the girl sitting behind him in 1st period senior year of high school, I agree with Mr. Balls assessment.

  16. Anonymous Says:

    Yeah! Red Lobster sucks!

  17. Jafz Says:

    Got a good 30 years to get ripped when I start balding at 50 hehehe

  18. Anonymous Says:

    I agree with the first individual. I too am bald but not by choice. I hate seeing people who try to fight the fact that they are going bald. Hand me a razor and some shaving cream. No more waiting in barbershops, just 5 minutes and I'm out. Surprise interview...no problem. Waist a whole lunch hour to go get your hair cut....crazy. Bald works for me. One suggestion for some of you...if you gonna be bald, hit the gym. There is nothing worst than a weak, scrawny bald guy...i.e. (my boss, who will be bald soon).

  19. Sly Bald Guy Says:

    I personally don't understand why guys with MPB don't just do the deed and shave it all off. I have a full head of hair, people insist I have a two head instead of a forehead because my hairline is very low. I started shaving my head for sports in high school and found it to be a helluva lot easier to manage and deal with than hair. I've been shaving my head everyday for almost 7 years and can't imagine ever having hair. Sometimes I wish MPB would hit me so I wouldn't have to shave as much. Sly Bald Guys rock and ladies love us.

  20. Baked Potato Says:

    nice try...i bet you're as bald as ryan seacrest's nutsack (it's very bald, don't ask me how i know...but let's just say that if you're drunk and you drop your keys near an american idol audition site, you should just kick your keys all the way home instead of bending over to pick it up).

    6. don't blog about it, you may make yourself feel better about it, but it won't change the way anyone else thinks about you - to them you're still balding and overcompensating.

  21. Smell yo dick Says:

    I think MJ could still grow a full head of fro if he tried.

  22. Mike8787 Says:

    This is totally great tutorial, I hope I wont ever have to deal with going bald.

    Mike Crabe

  23. Mr. Balls Says:

    Make no doubt about it, if you're bald your going to have an uphill battle for pussy the rest of your life. No matter how many ways you spin it you got dealt a bad hand in life.

  24. Anonymous Says:

    fuck you, you shallow mother fucker