Probably not a day goes by when you don’t see a delicious cat wandering the neighborhood, flaunting its deliciousness in a most delicious manner. God they’re so delicious. F*ck.
Anyway, for years, cats have been delicious and available for all, yet few of us ever stop to have a taste. And why is that? There’s no reason, don’t bother trying to answer. From here on out, stop trying to deny those totally reasonable cravings for deliciousness. And start eating some delicious cat, thusly;
Step 1: Find a cat at your local SPCA. Go for a cute one, you don’t want ugly sandwiches for lunch tomorrow!
Step 2: Name the cat after a musician. Bach, Snyder, Van Halen, Lauper, they’re all potential winners. Will the cat be as tasty as its namesake? Let’s hope!
Step 3: Head to Wal Mart and buy a plastic cat carrying case/marinating dish. Like this one. It’s designed by Chinese laborers to seal in flavor and melamine. Mmm.
Step 4: Put little Thomas Dolby in the marinating dish and dress him up nice. The following marinade should be just peachy;
• 2 cups extra virgin olive oil • 3 tablespoons hot pepper • 2 tablespoons peppercorns • 1 tablespoon salt • 1 tablespoon black pepper • Parsley and oregano to taste
Step 5: Place the marinating dish someplace safe to allow that cat’s flavors to flower. How about your trunk? Ignore the question in that last sentence, it’s not a question. Put the cat in your trunk.
Step 6: Go for a drive.
Step 7: Look for a stop sign. See one? Disregard the stop sign. Why? Because you’re marinating a cat, big guy. Stop signs aren’t for you anymore.
Step 8: Try not to make suspicious glances towards the trunk when the cop pulls you over. He will, by the way.
Step 9: Get a friend like the guy who shows up at about the 30 second mark in this video. In fact, just get this very same guy to say that very same thing.
Step 10: The trickiest step of all, wherein you must either get incarcerated and have your dinner adopted out to a new owner, or eat it. Bon appetite!