If you really really really like complete and total watered down bullshit stories, then you’re going to love Sarah Larson‘s recounting of how her and George Clooney met. Now, I’ve put what she said through my patented Bullshit Translator 5000 ®, so after each of her quotes, I’ll use the translator to find out what she’s really saying. People.com reports:
“It was on his birthday three or four years ago at Whiskey at [Vegas's] Green Valley Ranch,” Larson says
BT 5000: I don’t remember when it was, all I know is me and my girlfriends had a bag of cocaine and needed a weiner to snort it off of, so I wandered into some bar, or maybe it was a motel room. Who knows.
The actor was with a group of pals, including Whiskey Bar owner Rande Gerber (Cindy Crawford’s husband). “I was with some friends. We were all dancing, taking pictures, being silly.”
BT 5000: He was a total asshole. He kept shouting, “I’m George Clooney! I’m George f&*king Clooney!,” while his friends held up stacks of hundred dollar bills and looked at me while they mimed acts of fellatio.
Then, when Clooney arrived in Vegas for the Ocean premiere last summer, “he heard I was working at Moon [nightclub].” The actor tracked her down, she says, and “we hung out.”
BT 5000: We screwed when ever he had a free second. Once, he took me to a Lakers game and I gave him an hand job while Matt Damon explained the plot of the Bourne Ultimatum to him.