How To Kill A Robot (and destroy a washing machine)

Do you know how to kill a robot that wants to kill your children and stab its pointy tipped suction tube in to your head to suck out your brains for energy? No, of course you don’t. When confronted by a brain eating robot you’ll probably poo yourself in the hope that it will hate the taste of poo (the robot can’t taste anything – except blood), and you’ll probably try to shoot it with your pathetic guns, which will be like cutting a loaf of French bread with a croissant.

You’ve got to get crafty when it comes to killing the machines and taking back the earth that is rightly ours. For example, how long do you figure it will take, and how many humans will die before we realize that all we have to do is toss a big heavy thing in to the swirling thing in the center of their chests to make them rattle apart and convulse like a death row inmate getting his brain Jell-o turned in to a smokey cheese pâté made of thoughts?

We reckon a good ¾ of the human population will be wiped out before some idiot from Wichita runs out of bullets and just tosses his inbred, Twinkie-fed son at the lumbering MurderBot Rape-Thousand over and over until his giant, Sputnik-like head gets lodged in the swirling thing.

In the end, for as much of us that the machines killed, it was the very thing that they wanted the most (our heads) that killed them off (our heads in their chest swirly things, at least at first. You know, until we realized that we could accomplish the same goal by using things other than human heads).