This weekend, Twilight made over 70 million dollars at the box office. Teen films frequently clean up and because we care about you the reader, we're going to show you how to make your own 100 million dollar teen movie.
Step 1: Put an effeminate looking attractive teen guy in it.
You don't want Vin Deisel here, you want the guy to look like a total pussy. Before you select your leading man, look at his picture and ask yourself, "could I see this guy crying about some really dumb shit in a montage set to the pussiest of Snow Patrol songs? Does his likeness alone make me want to kick the ever loving shit out of him even though to this point in my life, I'm not, and have never been, prone to physical violence?" The answer to all three of those questions should be yes.
Step 2. Endow the effeminate looking hot dude with magical powers and/or the ability to sing.
If you choose to give him a magical power, make sure that even though his magical power is pretty much universally awesome, it somehow makes him an outcast and causes people to tell his love interest to "stay away from that freak." Also be sure to make his magical power something that allows him to fight bullies as well as create a romantic scenario. For instance, if he's invisible he can make bullies look foolish as well as stroke the face of his love interest when she's in emotional pain, without her ever knowing he's there, as he's an "invisible freak" and can't show his face. If you give him singing abilities, make sure he can also dance. Don't worry about him coming off as a homosexual, there's no such thing as homosexuals in these movies, so feel free to gay away.
3. Set The Location In A High School
High School sucks, especially for the kids who pay to see movies like these. Unfortunately, when someone steals their lunch and calls them a "smelly douche," there's not much they can do about it. But your character has magical powers and or the ability to sing, meaning when he encounters the person who calls him a smelly douche, he can fight them using his magical powers, or make them look ridiculous by singing an incredibly poignant song that causes students around him to suddenly perform choreographed dances.
4. Make sure NO ONE in the movie understands the love between the magical effeminate lead guy, and the girl he's in love with.
This is the most important one. If the love they share is celebrated and understood, then that means they're just the same as the really popular kids in real life that make fun of the kids who are going to see your movie. And nothing kills box office numbers like reminding someone they're a nerd. Therefore, just take every character in the movie that isn't the magical femme dude or the girl who loves him, and have them openly try to stop those characters from being together. Also, it's important to add that when other characters try and stop their love, that they rejoice together in their attempts by laughing and pointing and giving each other hi fives. These are common things that take no dialogue but are effective in furthering the angsty feelings the characters share with the viewer.
Now that you've completed these steps, just go to your local movie studios and plop the script on their door step. You've got yourself a hit!
Okay, yes I loved Twilight and the whole series.
But this article was a little funny, maybe not hilarious, but okay.
But SERIOUSLY, people need to chill the fuck out. Everyone is entitled to their own opinion. Yes, you may not agree, but your not gunna agree with everyone's opinions in your life.
But some of these guys are here are serious DICKS! You don't fucking tell someone to go die and that nobody would care if they did. That's really fucked up and that shows that you have no class whatsoever.
So take a joke, and don't be dicks about other peoples opinions.
I personally love the Twilight Saga so much I've read it about a total of three times. I also loved the movie just because of the chemistry between Robert Pattinson and Kristen Stuart. I also thought this was funny and entertaining.All of u that disagree i'm here to tell u that u don't matter b/c it is opionatied whether u like this or not and ur opion doesn't matter to me.
Who the fuck are you to be talkin shiet about twilight! I'm pretty sure ur dumb enough that you just saw the movie and didnt even read the book! peaple like you r the ones that ruin our world by making everything suk!
You fuking ass whole! have u notesed that the gay guyur talkin about happens to have billions of crazy teenagers that would do anything to say "hi"to him!
How many girl even wanna see you in the eye you fuking ass whole!
Next time u do sum stupid shiet like this think about how many girls will come to you and curs u out just because of it??? did u think of that you idiot??
what is wrong with you cant you take a joke we all love twilight just as much as you do but you dont have to get mad just because some ass hole was trying to be funny. And his opinion dose not matter.
Lmao at all the fangirls here. LOL do you honestly think guys are gonna wanna read the book and fall in love with Edward's sparkle. I'm a girl, and I will shamefully admit, I was addicted to the Twilght series like fucking crack. But after the very unreasonable withdrawal period, I returned to the light. The movie was horrible and this article is 100% right. You can make money out of crap and the disturbing hormones of teenage girls (me included... DAMN YOU Hollywood!).
I didn't care for the movie..but IDK why so many people are making gay jokes about that guy, robert.
My issue is...wtf? he isn't hot! at all...am I one of the only girls of my age group (early 20s) that thinks hes very unattractive? Some girls have awful taste. Anyway, he does look feminine...but that doesn't make him gay.
I find this comment funny but I can't relate too much. I have never seen the high school musical movies, and I was told by my sister that twilight was awesome and finally caved and watched it.
I regretted that decision. Sparkling vamps? Yah they are cool when the run fast and stuff...but the movie was just bland.
dhe bitches dat made fun of twilight are stupid asz hell..yall mothefukkers wish yall wer in dat movie..yall some fukking haters..why dnt yall get a fukking life or go make fun of ur mommas face..twilight was a raw asz movie..wit hot asz guys..i bet dhe ones dat made fun of twilight are fukking ugly asz hell..mothefukkers dis days should jst stop hating on things dat dey could never be or do..
&&& for dhe gay part
yall should grow up n stop bein lil kids
if it was guys dat made fun of twilight i bet dat every night yall sukking each other dikk
&& if i was gurls i bet yall likk each other pussy n titis
every night
You sound bitterly jealous. Ps. This is not a joke. A joke is meant to be funny. This just seems like the ranting, whinging and whining of someone little kid who is simply jealous.
The movie sucked, the books were written on a level that most 12-15 year teen girls could easily understand. I personally found that the books were boring and a bit simple, but that is just a personal opinion. I do NOT think that Stephanie Meyer is a good writer, she simply found a subject that would interest people. Although she did destroy the myth of vampires forever, WTF is up with glittery vampires.
(68 Comments)
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Holy Taco Goes to the Bahamas
July 9th, 2009 at 02:04 am
HAHA THANK YOU! this made me laugh. i needed that. :D oh too all the twilight fans freakin out about this: TAKE A JOKE!
July 9th, 2009 at 02:05 am
oh btw i read the books, saw the movie and still think this is funny.
July 9th, 2009 at 11:24 am
Okay, yes I loved Twilight and the whole series.
But this article was a little funny, maybe not hilarious, but okay.
But SERIOUSLY, people need to chill the fuck out. Everyone is entitled to their own opinion. Yes, you may not agree, but your not gunna agree with everyone's opinions in your life.
But some of these guys are here are serious DICKS! You don't fucking tell someone to go die and that nobody would care if they did. That's really fucked up and that shows that you have no class whatsoever.
So take a joke, and don't be dicks about other peoples opinions.
July 9th, 2009 at 01:04 pm
I personally love the Twilight Saga so much I've read it about a total of three times. I also loved the movie just because of the chemistry between Robert Pattinson and Kristen Stuart. I also thought this was funny and entertaining.All of u that disagree i'm here to tell u that u don't matter b/c it is opionatied whether u like this or not and ur opion doesn't matter to me.
August 1st, 2009 at 02:49 am
i defenetly agree!!!!
July 9th, 2009 at 03:12 pm
Holy Taco needs a new security feature.
A Dialogue Box that asks....
Are you a total douche?
Yes No
The 'No' button will have directed the two people below this post to the Michael Jackson Fan Club website.
July 9th, 2009 at 03:13 pm
I meant 'Yes' button.... and yes that might make me the douche.
July 12th, 2009 at 08:19 pm
Who the fuck are you to be talkin shiet about twilight! I'm pretty sure ur dumb enough that you just saw the movie and didnt even read the book! peaple like you r the ones that ruin our world by making everything suk!
You fuking ass whole! have u notesed that the gay guyur talkin about happens to have billions of crazy teenagers that would do anything to say "hi"to him!
How many girl even wanna see you in the eye you fuking ass whole!
Next time u do sum stupid shiet like this think about how many girls will come to you and curs u out just because of it??? did u think of that you idiot??
FUCK YOU !!!!!!!!!!!!
July 12th, 2009 at 10:09 pm
what is wrong with you cant you take a joke we all love twilight just as much as you do but you dont have to get mad just because some ass hole was trying to be funny. And his opinion dose not matter.
July 28th, 2009 at 10:54 pm
Lmao at all the fangirls here. LOL do you honestly think guys are gonna wanna read the book and fall in love with Edward's sparkle. I'm a girl, and I will shamefully admit, I was addicted to the Twilght series like fucking crack. But after the very unreasonable withdrawal period, I returned to the light. The movie was horrible and this article is 100% right. You can make money out of crap and the disturbing hormones of teenage girls (me included... DAMN YOU Hollywood!).
August 1st, 2009 at 01:31 am
I didn't care for the movie..but IDK why so many people are making gay jokes about that guy, robert.
My issue is...wtf? he isn't hot! at all...am I one of the only girls of my age group (early 20s) that thinks hes very unattractive? Some girls have awful taste. Anyway, he does look feminine...but that doesn't make him gay.
I find this comment funny but I can't relate too much. I have never seen the high school musical movies, and I was told by my sister that twilight was awesome and finally caved and watched it.
I regretted that decision. Sparkling vamps? Yah they are cool when the run fast and stuff...but the movie was just bland.
August 1st, 2009 at 02:55 am
Mandy, ur not a girl any more,ur 20 or older, get a life!! u should be watching news or something.
August 1st, 2009 at 02:52 am
i think every guy should be like edward cullen atleast in personality, not some immature little kids.
October 27th, 2009 at 09:57 pm
You want guys to be a creepy stalker?
August 1st, 2009 at 09:31 pm
yall ppl are dumb asz hell..grow up and be mature..wats so bad of bein gay or homo..yall sum dumb fukks..i think yall should cum n sukk my dikk
August 1st, 2009 at 09:41 pm
dhe bitches dat made fun of twilight are stupid asz hell..yall mothefukkers wish yall wer in dat movie..yall some fukking haters..why dnt yall get a fukking life or go make fun of ur mommas face..twilight was a raw asz movie..wit hot asz guys..i bet dhe ones dat made fun of twilight are fukking ugly asz hell..mothefukkers dis days should jst stop hating on things dat dey could never be or do..
&&& for dhe gay part
yall should grow up n stop bein lil kids
if it was guys dat made fun of twilight i bet dat every night yall sukking each other dikk
&& if i was gurls i bet yall likk each other pussy n titis
every night
mothefukkers grow up n get a life stop hating
October 5th, 2009 at 05:08 am
You sound bitterly jealous. Ps. This is not a joke. A joke is meant to be funny. This just seems like the ranting, whinging and whining of someone little kid who is simply jealous.
October 27th, 2009 at 09:56 pm
The movie sucked, the books were written on a level that most 12-15 year teen girls could easily understand. I personally found that the books were boring and a bit simple, but that is just a personal opinion. I do NOT think that Stephanie Meyer is a good writer, she simply found a subject that would interest people. Although she did destroy the myth of vampires forever, WTF is up with glittery vampires.
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