Pulling off an internet hoax is a lot like being a stripper. It can be a good way to make a lot of money, and it’s pretty easy, too. All kinds of morons have pulled off successful hoaxes in the past, from
those rednecks who shot bigfoot to the
wacko, wanna-be scientist who convinced the nation that his kid was in a balloon over Colorado. If these idiots can become famous from a simple hoax, then god dammit, so can you! Here’s how to pull off a good internet hoax:
Step 1: Do It On a Monday
The world of internet news (and, to a slightly lesser extent, the world of normal news) works on a strict weekly cycle. People will check cnn.com during the work week, but when they go home for the weekend, all they do is look at porn. If you launch your hoax on a Thursday (and it doesn’t have to do with porn), you’re going to get two days of pretty good publicity before people go home for the weekend and your story gets lost in a post-masturbatory haze and by Monday morning it’s old news. If you launch your hoax on a Monday morning at 8am EST, you’ve got 5 solid days of publicity, and you’re the first thing that people will find to blog, tweet and chat about for the week. It’s like that old saying: "the stripper closest to the enterance sells the most lapdances", except instead of lapdances, you’re selling complete bullshit.
Step 2: Make It Interesting
When people are looking for something to become interested in, they’re looking for some very specific ingredients: drama, mystery, kids, and hot chicks. The recent Balloon Boy hoax illustrates an excellent example of the use of kids and drama to attract attention. The Lonelygirl15 hoax, which is probably one of the most infamous internet hoaxes to date, featured a hot chick, and eventually unraveled into a very mysterious and dramatic plotline involving a cult or something. Many of the other flash-in-the-pan internet hoaxes have to do with mystery creatures, such as the Montauk Monster, Bigfoot, Mermaids, and other intriguing subject matter that will peak an internet audience’s interest for a short time, much like a chubby stripper who’s getting really acrobatic on the stripper pole: you’re going to watch, but just to see how long it takes her to fall on her face.
Step 3: Don’t Blow Your Photo/Video Load Too Quickly
It doesn’t matter how interesting a story looks in print. If it doesn’t have pictures, nobody’s going to care about it. In fact, the only thing better than pictures is video footage, and it doesn’t matter how crappy the quality of the video is, either. The important thing to remember, though, is to not give people everything all at once. This is the formula for flash-in-the-pan hoaxes, like the
South American gnome, that may last a day or so on its own. If you want your hoax to have some longevity, then release photos, videos, and information at the pace of a slow leak over a few days. Start with a picture and some information at 8am on Monday, then release a video around noon. Release another video the next morning, and start talking to press outlets on Tuesday afternoon. You’ll be in the headlines for the rest of the week, guaranteed. Similarly, if you’re a stripper giving a lap dance, you’re not just gonna put your asshole in the dude’s face right away, are you?
Step 4: Do Some Research/Get Your Facts Straight
It’s important that you know a little bit about the basis of your hoax. For example, let’s say you’re
a couple of rednecks in Georgia who are trying to convince the world that you shot and killed a Sasquatch, and that you have the body frozen in a freezer. It would be important for you to know how large the body of a bigfoot should be, and approximately how much it should weigh. You should also make sure that everyone involved has the story straight, which is where these types of details come into play: If you decide to say that the bigfoot body in your freezer weighs about 800 pounds, then you’d better have a good answer for how you got it from the woods to your house and into your freezer, and you’re friend who’s in on the hoax with you should have the
exact same answer. If you don’t, then you’re busted faster than a tranny stripper who forgot to tuck back.
Step 5: Cash In and Disappear as Quickly as Possible
If you’re executing an internet hoax then you’re lying, and unfortunately there’s always someone on the internet who’s smarter than you are. Eventually, that person is going to call you out, and you need to have already deposited your check and fled the country by then. This is why it’s important to cash in on your hoax and get the hell out of the limelight as quickly as possible. As soon as people find out that you’ve made some money off of your story or encounter or whatever, they’re immediately going to become skeptical, and for good reason. They’re suspicious that you may have concocted the whole scheme to make some money, which is exactly what you did. This is when people become hyper-critical, and they’re sure to debunk your claims, so take the money and run while you can, like a stripper who as accidentally given three $100 bills instead of three twenties.
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what was the stry behind the Lonelygirl15 hoax? oh and first
I was puzzled by this one too. I never saw her before this article. But I don’t hang around youtube much…
Google it, dumbass.
screw you.
the Lonelygirl15 actually had like producers and a director and shit.. when everyone thought it was this 16 yr old girl doing it by herself. when in reality she was like 20 or something.
if a stripper should get 3 $20 bills, she’s so full of semen she can’t run at all.
20(3)/a-b=x
there’s an asymptote at a-b=0.
I was told there would be no math.
Noooooooo math!
478 + y = Fuck you.
dont forget the biggest hoax of them all, the holocaust, yes it happened but jews are responsible for their own suffering, they financially crippled germany and hitler took revenge, but guess what, us non jews are paying for it today
hey superman I hope you burn in hell for that comment you low down piece of crap. if it was your family or kids im sure you would feel different. oh yeah you don’t have family or kids because your a piece of crap!!!!!
YOU’RE!
Goddamn kids.