Humans naturally outgrow things: sweaters, our fascination with the Buffy the Vampire Slayer
TV series, and even social networking sites like Facebook
. Luckily, there are a few simple signs
to look for in order to determine if it’s time for you to give up on your facebook life:
Sign #1: Your Mom Friend Requests You
Once your mom is on facebook, you can forget about posting any of your awesome party pics to show everyone how cool you are in real life. Instead, the only pictures you can post from now on are pictures of you and your adorable nephews from Thanksgiving
. The only person who will think these are cool is your mom, and she’ll make sure you know that she approves by commenting on every one of them with something like "you look so cute!" or "you’ve grown up so fast!" This means that you will never get laid as a result of your profile ever again, and that used to happen all the time…right?
Sign #2: All of Your Wall Posts Have To Do With Farmville
If most of your wall posts have to do with your stunning successes in Farmville, then you’re no longer participating in online social networking. You’re playing a lame online videogame that’s basically a really boring version of Rollercoaster Tycoon, and you’re posting your score way more often than anyone cares to see it. Stop doing that.
Sign #3: Your Boss Friend Requests You
Say goodbye to bitching about your shitty job in your status updates, because once your boss is a facebook friend, that’s grounds for your ass getting fired. Unfortunately, you can’t just not accept your boss as a facebook friend, either, because that’s just a non-direct way of saying "I bitch about my shitty job in my status updates, and I don’t want you to see them", which is grounds for him getting pissed off and finding some stupid-ass reason to fire you. It’s a losing situation no matter how you slice it.
Sign #4: Nobody Posted a Happy Birthday Message On Your Wall
Facebook automatically reminds people that it’s your birthday, so if people still don’t wish you a happy birthday, then they either hate you, or they don’t think you check your facebook often enough to make it worth the time. If that’s the case, then the rest of the world already knows that you’re facebook days are over, so maybe it’s time for you to catch up, face reality, and be a twitter-only kind of guy.
Sign #5: You Forgot Your Login Info
Sometimes your browser cache refreshes itself. Maybe you had to do this manually, because your girlfriend suspects you of looking at some really freaky porn. Whatever the reason, it’s possible that your computer doesn’t remember your facebook password like it usually does. If you don’t remember it either, then it’s probably time for you and facebook to amicably part ways. Would you continue dating a hot chick if you didn’t remember her name? Okay, maybe that was a bad example, but you get the point.