Humans naturally outgrow things: sweaters, our fascination with the
Buffy the Vampire Slayer TV series, and even social networking sites like
Facebook. Luckily, there are a few simple
signs to look for in order to determine if it’s time for you to give up on your facebook life:
Sign #1: Your Mom Friend Requests You
Once your mom is on facebook, you can forget about posting any of your awesome party pics to show everyone how cool you are in real life. Instead, the only pictures you can post from now on are pictures of you and your adorable nephews from
Thanksgiving. The only person who will think these are cool is your mom, and she’ll make sure you know that she approves by commenting on every one of them with something like "you look so cute!" or "you’ve grown up so fast!" This means that you will never get laid as a result of your profile ever again, and that used to happen all the time…right?
Sign #2: All of Your Wall Posts Have To Do With Farmville
If most of your wall posts have to do with your stunning successes in Farmville, then you’re no longer participating in online social networking. You’re playing a lame online videogame that’s basically a really boring version of Rollercoaster Tycoon, and you’re posting your score way more often than anyone cares to see it. Stop doing that.
Sign #3: Your Boss Friend Requests You
Say goodbye to bitching about your shitty job in your status updates, because once your boss is a facebook friend, that’s grounds for your ass getting fired. Unfortunately, you can’t just not accept your boss as a facebook friend, either, because that’s just a non-direct way of saying "I bitch about my shitty job in my status updates, and I don’t want you to see them", which is grounds for him getting pissed off and finding some stupid-ass reason to fire you. It’s a losing situation no matter how you slice it.
Sign #4: Nobody Posted a Happy Birthday Message On Your Wall
Facebook automatically reminds people that it’s your birthday, so if people still don’t wish you a happy birthday, then they either hate you, or they don’t think you check your facebook often enough to make it worth the time. If that’s the case, then the rest of the world already knows that you’re facebook days are over, so maybe it’s time for you to catch up, face reality, and be a twitter-only kind of guy.
Sign #5: You Forgot Your Login Info
Sometimes your browser cache refreshes itself. Maybe you had to do this manually, because your girlfriend suspects you of looking at some really freaky porn. Whatever the reason, it’s possible that your computer doesn’t remember your facebook password like it usually does. If you don’t remember it either, then it’s probably time for you and facebook to amicably part ways. Would you continue dating a hot chick if you didn’t remember her name? Okay, maybe that was a bad example, but you get the point.
Courtney Love & Muppet Sexual Assault
Playboy’s Big Dance March Madness Bracket Challenge
Today, on MoronWatch, we will try to create a function which acts like some idiot that posts random political comments in the comment section of a completely unrelated topic. (E.g. Facebook-Related Humor.)
Our experts have picked a quote from the above page for you to examine and play with. Here it is:
“why spend so much time on facebook when you can be hungting for pussy?
is america a nation of fags?
this is what happens when you elect barak muslim scumbag obama”
Now, let us try and see if we can turn this sentence into some quick pseudo-code. I will go first.
function USAElections(Person){
if (Person = Barak){ // CHECK SPELLING LATER
// N/A
}
else if (Person = Muslim){
// N/A
}
else if (Person = Scumbag){
// N/A
}
else if (Person = Obama){
// N/A
}
else if (Person = barak muslim scumbag obama){
confuseEveryoneBySpendingTimeOnFacebook(TRUE);
hungtingForPussy(FALSE);
//REMINDER: HUNGTINGFORPUSSY()
//IS DEPRECATED, SWITCH TO OBTAININGPUSSY() LATER
QuerySexualPrefference(Nation);
//REMINDER: LOOK INTO WHY QUERY SENDS BACK “GAY” ALL
//THE BLOODY TIME
}
No, Dad, but neither do you.
Yea it has.
I knew a hot club:==== BlackWhiteCupid.com ==== which is a dating service for whites and blacks to find their interracial love.Hot and sexy.maybe you will like it.
Share with you~
Hello,
I am very interested in this hot club. Are there any black sluts that will gobble down my man-naise while I probe their venereal disease-ridden orifice they call a vagina with cucumbers and zucchini?
jajajaj this was funny !!
Susan ya whore, how many times do I go-atta tell yas, get o-off the fahking computah and make me a fahking sammich ya whore.
haha, man-naise
why spend so much time on facebook when you can be hungting for pussy?
is america a nation of fags?
this is what happens when you elect barak muslim scumbag obama
Shut your mouth and get back in the chamber.
Get back in me you bitch
Om nom nom nom?
anybody wanna take a shower? it would be… A GAS!
nien!
Learn to spell “nein” you stupid little asshat.
a lot of stupid fahking comments in here.
haha he said ass hat
what the fuck just happend here??
Did any of you touch my drumset?!!
STOP MAKING HIM LAUGH!
Haha, half this shit doesnt even have to do with the facebook thing
isn’t it nine?
Ok i’m sorry im making your sandwhich right now……. Then i will be up to pick the cheese off your knob to put in the sarnie…………. How does that sound hunny?? Hope you enjoy itx
KHANNNNNNN!!!!!
Back of the line you fucking apple! Your always ahead you stupid son of a bitch! If it wasn’t for you, id be famous!
Being a head is better than being behind, bend over, let me show ya’.
fuck off apple. i left you for cinnamon.
leave cinnamon for me?
John Bonham’s playing Moby Dick for real!!
All of this looks like its from one person. Hilarious. Kudos.
Who the shiny hell is Jamie?
These comments made my day… wow,
This shit is horrible. Maybe you should get a life!
I would like to congratulate whoever did this. It is very elaborate, and crazy. I hope you had a lot of fun.
Lol, fail.
but you don’t TASTE like apple!?
hahahahaha
Hitler was one of the centurie’s greatest mathematecians he came up with the fibonazi sequence
Tee Eff
ummmmm…back to the topic at hand fellas? First off, Facebook has been gay for a while now. That shit is marketed to moms and the rest of my god damn family so they can increase the facebook population. They dont care that your Aunt or cousin will find out you fucked a slut at 4 in the morning last night cuz you wanted to brag about it (like I do).
Second of all, fuck social networking.
Half of YOUR shit has nothing to do with ME either, and yet here we are!
So what am I, chopped Knishes? Hitler is responsible for the deaths of 1 1 2 3 5 8 13 21 34 55 89 144 …I could go on forever…
is blue
is red
In your mouth. <3
Actually, this is done with different people. Which makes it even more awsome. How do I figure this? I know but not really know one of the “people” on here.
Green
I’M JAMIE DAMNIT >:O
You people are the reason I’m going to destroy the earth again….. Jesus I need a beer….
YES! High five O man!!!
sorry honey. Daddy slipped and put it in the wrong hole.
I just want to say, I’m gay and daddy never loved me.
lol this is a master piece (the comments not facebook cause facebook is for fags jk):|
Wiped*
Go get wipped or something
I cant believe i jsut read all of that. lol.
I’ve always told my daughter that she was too strict with Jamie Boy. It’s all her fault!
its good but you all need to SHUT THE FUCK UP!
D@mn. Makes me wonder how long y’all idiots will actually stay on this page to insult each other/make a joke.
Its okay everyone im still alive. It was Evil twin which was killed. just so everyone knows it was a he/she vag and cock.
and im asian.
I’m offended.
Wow! I think you guys managed to offend just about everyone! Great job there!
Happy Birthday son!
DEAD BABIES FTW!!
Wow this site has the most “look at me I’m so funny I read comedy instead of writing it” comments I’ve ever seen, but this article really takes the cake
Yes.
yea my mom wuz raped. then she had me. then she killed herself. think thats funny??
JAMIE WTF. Take out the FUCKING Garbage
Thats my boyfriend!
Jamie, I’m so sorry, I had my DNA genetically altered to resemble that of garbage. If it means anything, I chose Hefty, just like we always joked about.
Jamie’s dad… we are sorry to inform you that your daughter has been brutally raped to death. Footage was found of her on what seems to be her camera. The footage on her camera includes Jamie purposely putting the horse’s penis into her anus which ruptured her insides. She was taken to the hospital but she couldn’t handle it. The bitch died.
thats so fucked up. burn in hell bitch
WOOOoooo Ive come to haunt you
Maria’s Dad
LOL i raped your mom
Yea, stop the jamie “joke” think about people who actually have families like that. it aint funny
first ya bitches
I’d like it if you wouldn’t call me a bitch, mom.
You are a good for nothing ungrateful bastard Jamie. You were a mistake. We should have aborted you, bitch!
STOP SCREAMING AT THE BOY! YOU’RE THE REASON I’M DRUNK, WOMAN!
Whoever wrote all these Jamie posts: I love you.
Alicia
GET OFF THE DAMNED COMPUTER AND GO TO BED!
HOW MANY F&^KING TIMES DO I HAVE TO CATCH YOU ON HERE FOR THE POINT TO GET ACROSS
This Jamie joke has gone on for long enough.
IT’S NOT GONE ON LONG NEARLY ENOUGH!!
JAMIE – YOU ARE A TURNIP!
Hey Buzz – go find your own name.
Stop talking and make me a sammich woman.
Don’t be such a tightwad, my life-partner and I didn’t raise you to be act like that.
I’m sorry, but I can’t seem to find you.
help me, i need air
-bored!
the pain!!!….aaaaggghhh
Masterbate with me!
oohhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh baby!
FIND ME A WOMAN!
Worse than mom is your grandmother on FB.
jamie sorry I just stuck it up your girl’s butt
That’s ok, same sex marriage is legal now in the future and it will soon be up mine!
Sorry Jamie I killed you.
That wont stop me from having lots of dirty fun with you
Oh, god. I was all over your acorn shaped cock.
i don’t exist
But I doooo!!!!!!!!!
yet somehow we do…
o my lanta
WATCH MY FUCKING MOVIES, SO I CAN DO MORE DOPE! Oh, and be so kind as to add me to your facial book. I need more semen chambers.
I can haz?
Im confused! WTF happened to Jamie?
I am currently burning in the bowels of Hell. Please leave a message and I may get back to you eventually
Thank you and don’t forget to…ARGHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH! OH MY GOD! NOT MY ASS! PLEASE NO! STOP! YOU’RE GOING TO SPLIT ME IN HALF! OH GOD. PLEASE HELP ME!
…
…
…
…
*Whispers*
Learn from me. Do not do as I did. Live your life free of Facebook. This is the only way to save yourself. Now go. Before He sees you. Bonne chance.
What a fucking legend.
I don’t really know which is funnier. The post, or the comments…
what? i just get left in the dust? i need brains!
shut up. it’s not funny
Hey you, down in front, Im trying to watch the show.