Don’t you hate it when you’ve just sat down for dinner and you’re about to savor that first delicious sporkful of creamed spinach and tuna when your reverie is smashed by a knock upon the door? So you grunt your way out of the easy chair, pause your DVR’d episode of Iron Chef and head to the door only to discover it’s either a zombie or a Mormon? Seriously, that’s bullshit. And not just because they interrupted your meal, but because what now? Do you need to destroy someone’s brain or just say you’re already devout? It’s a tough call and if you make the wrong one you could end up spending every Sunday for the next year at a church full of friggin’ zombies. Have you ever been to zombie church? It completely sucks. All the hymns are moans and the host is usually feet. Gross feet.
Lucky for you, Holy Taco is all about making sure you don’t fall prey to zombies or evangelicals any time soon, which is why we created this handy guide to tell them apart, along with a few suggestions for how to handle each.
Know Your Sidewalk Shuffler: Sometimes it’s hard to tell if you’re dealing with a zombie or a Mormon. Know the differences!
Points of Caution: From time to time zombies and Mormons will display similar behaviors. Watch for subtle clues as, in these situations, it’s hard to determine who’s who.
Handling Methods: There are a handful of solutions when dealing with zombies or Mormons, choose as the situation dictates.
You’re as equipped as any post-apocalyptic crusader can hope to be. Go forth and be prepared.