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How to Cook A Placenta

spaghetti-meat-sauce

For the past couple of days the internet has been abuzz with placenta talk. For the love of all that is good and pure in this world, I don’t know why. (Although, it may having something to do with this). But people have been searching it and that means there’s much big time traffic numbers we’re not getting a cut of.

Not anymore.

You see, we’re opportunistic. We’re sharks. We see blood in the water, we pounce. If we see a placenta, we pounce harder. Not because we like placenta. We don’t.  It’s because we’re sharks and, like, the water is internet trending topics…and the placenta is – actually, I should have mentioned the internet being water thing first, and then brought in the idea of sharks and placenta pouncing. Whatever. Either way, placentas, man – thumbs up, or some such shit like that.

Look, we’re no fools. Placentas have been huge on he internet the past week or so and we’re going to cash in on this trend. So, with that in mind, here’s a recipe for placenta spaghetti.

  • 2 tablespoons olive oil
  • 1/2 cup minced onion
  • 1 clove garlic, minced
  • 1/2 cup minced celery
  • 2 tablespoons butter
  • 1 pound lean ground placenta beef
  • 1/2 teaspoon white sugar
  • 1 teaspoon salt
  • 1/2 teaspoon dried mint
  • 6 ounces fresh chopped mushrooms
  • 1 (6 ounce) can tomato paste
  • 2 (10.5 ounce) cans chunky vagina slop
  • 2 teaspoons dried basil
  • 1 pound spaghetti
  • 1 teaspoon olive oil
  • 3 tablespoons salt
  • 1 tablespoon chopped fresh parsley, for garnish
  • 1/4 cup grated Romano cheese

 

 

Directions

  1. In a large skillet, warm olive oil over low heat; saute onion, garlic and celery until onion is transparent
  2. Stir in butter and increase heat to medium; brown placenta until no longer pink. Mix in sugar, 1 teaspoon salt, mint and mushrooms; lower heat and stir for about 3 minutes.

Gag

  1. In a large bowl, combine tomato paste and chunky vagina slop; pour liquid and basil to pot. Simmer over very low heat for about 2 hours, stirring occasionally.

 Gag

  1. Bring a large pot of water to a vigorous boil with 3 tablespoons salt and 1 teaspoon olive oil. Slip spaghetti into water holding on to ends until strands soften a bit. Cook over high heat for 7 to 8 minutes only. When properly cooked, raw taste should be gone but still have a firm texture.
  1. When ready to serve, combine pasta with placenta meat sauce; serve on a warmed platter or bowl topped with parsley and Romano cheese.
  1. Enjoy!

Vomit

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