Your hair is falling out. It sucks but it’s not the end of the world, it’s just really really close to the end of the world. Here’s some tips on how to deal:
1. Don’t fight, accept. Your hair, much like Arrested Development, is not coming back no matter how great it was.
2. Look for inspiring bald guys. There’s lots of bald guys that women find attractive. Lots! There’s that one guy… on that one show… I think. Whatever, the point is there are some. Find one that inspires you!
3. Look at the positives. When you had hair, everyone knew you were a pussy because you already looked like one. If you’re bald and you shave your head, you’ll look tough and people will have to confront you to find out you’re a pussy, which happens way less.
4. Embrace your new team. You’re now part of a select group of men. Just like how the Kansas City Royals are part of a select group of Major League Baseball players. Help out your fellow bald men and together, there’s nothing you can’t accomplish!
5. Don’t make fun of yourself. Does a waiter tell you the food you ordered tastes like shit right before he serves you? Maybe only at Red Lobster. Otherwise no way! So don’t you go putting yourself down either! Confidence is key. Believe you’re a stud and women will either believe you, or think you must have a really big penis since there’s no way you could be confident being so bald. Either way, you win!