1. Have Boobs: I know not everyone has them, but if you do, then you don’t need to read the rest of this how to. Boobs are the answer to most problems.
2. Make Eye Contact But Don’t Be Creepy: You want the bartender to acknowledge you’re there and in line, but you don’t want to hold the gaze so long he tenses his butthole in fearful anticipation of what you might do to him when he walks to his car later. Eye contact, then look away.
3. Hold Cash In Your Hand: Don’t hold it out like you’re beckoning a stripper, just hold it noticeably in your hand so he knows you want to purchase.
4. Don’t Bitch: A bartender is not your child, you don’t have the right to verbally abuse him. Wait patiently and you will be served after everyone with boobs.
Here is the Secret to Life, as told to me by an actual bartender: tip well, every time. Tipping well — especially if you are a regular — comes back to you in three ways:
1) You will get called in sooner.
2) You will be given stronger drinks.
3) You’ll even get a free one, now and then.
I mostly just shout out my drink requests.
Ex: “TWO FUCKIN’ JAGERBOMBS, CHIEF!”
I was once a bar tender and it really is about tipping. Anyone being rude just gets ignored. If you’re pretty it does help. But it is mostly down to you tipping. And buying me a drink.