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How to Get ready for the 4th of July

Tomorrow is the 4th of July and that means parties for America.  This is a big deal because it’s a holiday everyone has off and it’s at the peak of summer’s awesomeness so there’s much outdoorsy fun to be had.  Not sure what you need to get done in advance?  No problem, we got your back.

  1. Get yourself some beers early.  Don’t get caught in the drunk rush.
  2. Get more beers.
  3. Get wieners and maybe hamburgers.  Good quality ones if it’s just you, cheap shit if you’re feeding guests.
  4. Start drinking now.  It’s what the founding fathers would have wanted
  5. Check the barbecue.  Is it clean?  Maybe run a cloth over it.
  6. Have another beer
  7. Weren’t you supposed to go to work today?
  8. Call in desperately sick.  You just gained consciousness now.  You think it might be e.coli or possibly TB.
  9. Have another beer.  That was close.  Hell, you have the next two days off, why’d you stay home today anyway?
  10. No time to cry over spilled milk.  Buy a big flag.
  11. Get some chairs set up in the yard.  You’re gonna be sitting outside tomorrow.  Don’t ask why.
  12. Set up a kiddie pool.  Don’t fill it yet.  Just get it ready.  Tomorrow you’re gonna sit in it.  Don’t ask why.
  13. Have another beer.
  14. Are fireworks legal where you live?  If yes, you know what to do.  If no, you still know what to do.
  15. Hide the fireworks
  16. Have another beer.  Are we running low on beer?  Buy more beer.  For America.
  17. For the sake of a festive occasion, buy the mixings for a Tom Collins
  18. That’s gin, lemon juice, club soda and sugar syrup, in case you were wondering
  19. Mix up a big ol’ batch of Tom Collins.  Don’t kid yourself, Jefferson drank that stuff all the time.  You better than Jefferson?
  20. That was hard work.  Pour yourself a Tom Collins as a reward.
  21. Hang the flag in the yard.  Yes sir, you are proud of your independence.
  22. Have another beer.
  23. You need to sit?  Maybe have a sit.
  24. It’s hot.  Have another beer.
  25. It’s probably only early afternoon by now.  You’ve had 7 beers and a Tom Collins already. Good job.
  26. May as well finish off that first case of beers.
  27. Nap
  28. Still napping
  29. Hungry.  Microwave some of those hot dogs.  Don’t worry about buns, this ain’t the Ritz.
  30. Google Independence Day videos.  Remember that one from last year with the dude who put a firecracker in his ass?  That was funny.
  31. Have some more beers.
  32. Getting tired.  Did you just eat a dozen microwaved hotdogs?  Shit.
  33. Nap again.
  34. Dream.  For America.  For Freedom.

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