How To: Make a Fake ID

Just can’t wait to start a life of debilitating alcohol addiction? Let us show you the way, grasshopper.

1. Pick A State
Certain state IDs are easier to fake than others, so your adventure begins with figuring which ones are best, going online and downloading a high-resolution template. We’d love to tell you more, but it would be irresponsible for us to say that those states are, in alphabetical order, Arizona, Florida, Idaho, New Hampshire, Michigan and South Dakota. So you’re on your own.

2. Say Cheese!
You’re better off using a scan of your passport photo, but if you have to take a new picture go out and get a good digital camera. Then take your headshot against a solid backdrop that matches the color of your new home state. Avoid too much texture: beach towel = bad, Mom’s silk dress = good. And please don’t overcompensate with fake facial hair. Though an eye patch might make you look more distinguished

3. Ch-ch-ch-ch-Changes
Crop yourself into your new ID using a program like Adobe Photoshop or Macromedia Fireworks, then get to changing some info. (Trial and error should get you a font that works, but if you’re lazy Arial will work.) Use an address that actually exists and dates you will remember. And check the “date issued category. Does it correspond to a Sunday or public holiday? It shouldn’t, dipshit.

4. Print It (you really couldn’t figure that out by yourself?)
If you think you’ll be keeping your new ID behind that plastic sleeve in your wallet all the time, then just print it at 1,200 DPI on the highest quality photo paper you can get. However, today, almost all IDs are printed on PVC (like a credit card). You don’t have a printer that can handle this, so opt for a material called teslin that will work in a laser or inkjet printer. Oh, and helpful hint: an ID has TWO sides.

5. The Finishing Touches
Time to ask Dad for a raise in your allowance because you don’t want a cheap laminating job to get you busted. Spring for a DocuSeal 40 laminator ($50) and some 10 mil lamination film. If you’re using teslin, use butterfly pouches instead. And for the hologram just use some Photo-Ez (a product for making stencils) or Perl-Ex paints (if your hologram is colored).

And there you go. Now you can finally learn what happens at “Seniors Only” bingo night. (Hint: It’s a huuuuuge orgy.) Have fun!