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How To: Pretend You’re Listening to Your Girlfriend

The world is filled with many interesting shapes and colors, and once in a while it’s just really hard to pay attention to what you’re girlfriend is saying. Here’s some helpful tips to ensure you don’t get yelled at:

1. Blink: Women look you in the eyes when they talk to you. I know, it’s crazy. So, if your eyeballs have glazed over during her recap of the last episode of Grey’s Anatomy, she’ll notice.

2. Nod and Purse Your Lips: You can still enjoy the hilarity of witnessing a dog defecating in the distance behind your lady as well as appear attentive to what she’s saying, simply by nodding your head and pursing your lips. This makes her think you are digesting her comments and forming an articulate response.

3. Listen for Key Words: Words like “hate” and “amazing” allow you to decipher how she’s feeling without knowing what she’s talking about. Then you can reinforce her feelings by responding with “Yes, I hate that as well.”

4. Be a Detective: She’s finished talking and wants to hear your thoughts. You have to be vague, since you have no idea what she just said. But too vague = lonely nights. Give an opinion and follow it up with a question whose answer may give you a clue as to what she’s been discussing. “That’s interesting. What made you think of that?”

7 Responses to "How To: Pretend You’re Listening to Your Girlfriend"

  1. Barry says:

    Holly Taco, how do I get a girlfriend?

  2. FresnoIIElectricboogaloo says:

    How do I not listen AND break up with mine?

  3. dickgrays1 says:

    I find that the best thing to do is to have the last sentence always in your short-term memory. Then, when she says: “you’re not even listening to me,” you can say: “you said that we needed to get a new soap dispenser for the bathroom because the old one leaks.”

  4. polar bear says:

    dude this is gold !

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