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How To: Tell Your Neighbor to Stop Having Loud Sex

You don’t want to be a buzz kill, but it’s 4 in the morning and it sounds like you’re inside Jenna Jameson’s vagina.  You and the neighbor need to chat.  Here’s some tips on how to let them know:

1.Give a Compliment: He or she may be more inclined to respect your request if you give a compliment along with it.  “I really like that new car you just bought.  Can you stop having loud sex in the middle of the night?”

2.Write a Note: You may find that you fear confronting your neighbor.  Scientists classify persons with such a fear as “gigantic pussies.”  A hand written note can make it much less awkward.  Simply slide under their door and run away as silently as possible.

3.Bang on the Wall: Knocking on the wall during your neighbor’s intercourse says “I am so bothered by your loud coitus that I cease to care that future interactions with you will be awkward.

4.Taste of Their Own Medicine:  You’ve tried everything else but he/she won’t stop.  Do a little research and exact revenge.  Maybe they’re a student and have a big test the next morning or a surgeon who has to administer a heart transplant.  Wait till the wee hour, hire a local prostitute and a drifter, put a tarp down on your bed, and let the fireworks begin!  We’ll see how easy that open heart surgery is tomorrow!

5 Responses to "How To: Tell Your Neighbor to Stop Having Loud Sex"

  1. quarrygirl says:

    i definitely think #4 would be the most effective…not to mention fun! :p

  2. flipper says:

    I’ d definitely do the crash test dummy thingy

  3. Vanessa says:

    Tape record them and then hook up one of those ‘running for mayor cars,’ and drive up and down your street. “Introducing Mrs. and Mr. Jones having sex, “hmmmmm ahhhhh harder”

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