Do you know how white trash your city is? To make it easy, we worked up a formula to see where your crappy, redneck-filled town stands in relation to other crappy, redneck-filled towns across the US. Just plug the appropriate numbers into this fomula:
WHITE TRASH SCORING BREAKDOWN:
0-300: Not white trash. We're sure you have tons of other undesirables in your city, but they're most likely not white trash.
301-600: A little white trash. There's probably pockets of your city that have tons of white trash, but most of the city probably doesn't have much.
601-800: Your city is pretty white trashy. Not only are there pockets of white trash, but there's a fair amount of white trash in every sector. Most likely you can't go very far without hearing the cry of an illegitimate child or seeing a car parked on a lawn.
801-999: Your city is in the white trash elites. You look down on other cities that have "parks" and "libraries."
1000+: Jerry Springer White Trash. Your city is crawling with white trash. The majority of shirts are sleeveless or mesh. You most likely know someone who's had the fact that they fathered a child revealed to them on a talk show. Most times when you sit down to eat, the dish can be described by saying the name of the meat, and adding the word "casserole" to the end of it.
STEP-BY-STEP PROCESS:
We'll walk you through the step-by-step process for you. For this example, we're doing beautiful Phoenix, Arizona.
Step 1: Find a zip code of your city by simply googling your cities name + zip code. For Phoenix, the zip code used is 85001.
Step 2: Go to marshallsonline.com/locator.asp. Type in your city's zip code, in this case 85001. Count all the Marshall's that are within your city's limits. Not county, just metropolitan city. Use your judgement as to what is or is not within your city limits. Luckily for us, our own Justin Thomas is from Phoenix. If you're doing a city you don't know well, use a 20 mile radius. Count up the number of Marshall's. Phoenix has 12.
Step 3: Go to olivegarden.com/locator to find the Olive Gardens in your city. Repeat the same process as step 2. Phoenix has 15.
Step 4: Go to walmart.com and find the store locater. Repeat the same process as step 3. Phoenix has 20 wal-marts.
Step 5: Go To devry.edu and repeat the same process as step 4. Phoenix has three Devry Institutes.
Step 6: Go to google.com, then at the top left, click "maps." Then type in the search "Trailer parks" + Zip code. Then above your search results, there will be a link titled "Mobile Home Parks & Communities," click on that to refine your search so that it's only pulling up trailer parks. Scroll down to the bottom, and above the "NEXT" to see more pages, you'll see a number of results. Write that down. Phoenix has 303.
Here's a couple screengrab to illustrate what you should be looking for in your Trailer Park Google search:
The Number of Results:
Step 7: Move the decimal point of the population left 6 places and divide by that. (For example a population of 3,500,000 would become 3.5).
Now, enter in all the results into the formula. Here's what Phoenix looks like:
With its endless sprawl and lack of any real culture, Phoenix scores pretty high in the White Trash Formula. It's three Devry's and 15 Olive Gardens (15!) really cements its place among white trash communities in America.
Here are a few other examples around the United States.
DENVER, COLORADO:
Despite what you might think, Denver actually scores quite low on the white trash scale. It recovered from a high number of Wal-Marts with a low number of Olive Gardens.
NEW YORK, NEW YORK:
We put NYC's numbers in to see if our formula really worked. With no Wal-Marts and no trailer parks, New York lives up to its reputation of city full of East Coast elites.
ORLANDO, FLORIDA:
No city can recover from double digit numbers of Olive Gardens and Wal-Marts. You throw in two Devry Institutes, which count a whopping 50 points each and you have one of the whitiest, trashiest cities in America.
SAN DIEGO, CALIFORNIA:
San Diego feels like it should score much higher in the white trash formula, but it's deceptively high 1.3 million population keeps it in the mid-level range.
DETROIT, MICHIGAN:
Detroit, while very poor, is much more of a ghetto town than a white trash town. Which is an entirely different formula that we're probably not going to do anytime soon.
CAPE GIRARDEAU, MO:
Since we knoew that the midwest was prime real estate for red neck white trash, we asked Screen Junkies editor, and Missourian, Patrick Schumacker where the epicenter of The Show-Me State's red necks could be found. He said, "Cape Girardeau. No question." Looks like he was right.
So, figure out where your city scores and post the results in the comment section. Those with the highest numbers will win a HolyTaco T-Shirt.
And Please Give This A Digg For Us. Your Diggs Help Keep HolyTaco On The Internets.
Population/1 million 90,599/1,000,000 = .09
Total/Ans 147/.09= 1633.3
I suppose I do eat a lot of casseroles. I never considered it a bad thing. Also, I agree with the others, Olive Garden is a fancy restaurant, and Marshall's has super expensive clothes. Fleet-Farm has much better deals.
How can you have trailer parks in Fargo? Isn't it 20 below every day in winter? I saw the movie, you know. A trailer in winter would be like sleeping outside. Which is I guess what makes it white trash.
I think that real true white trash is a Southern thing. And I have been around it plenty.
You clearly haven't actually been to the midwest. Plenty of white trash trailer parks, just not as many as in the south (which is more than abundant with white trash)
So, according to your formula, Austin, Texas is a little white trash. I have to agree. I think we have a little white trash in all of us.
When I entered the zip code, 78745, there were:
3 Olive Gardens
7 Walmarts
4 Marshalls
148 trailer parks
1 Devry
-----------
338
Austin had a population of 743,074 at the time of the 2007 census. When divided by one million, we get .74.
That gives Austin a total of 457. In defense of Marshall's, they have great shoes at very cheap prices. I have no other defense, although, I never knew we had that many trailer parks.
Olive Garden 0
Walmart 1
Marshall's 0
Trailer Parks 0
Devry 1
Total Points: 60
Population: 19,000/1,000,000 = .019
60/.019 = 3157 WINNER!!!
The funniest thing about this result is that if you ask people in Atlanta, Decatur is the lesbian/yuppie town. No one would guess that is secretly redneck heaven.
Also, your math is wrong on Detroit. 371/.917 = 404
Though in truly rural areas where white trash is king, trailer parks are in pretty short supply, as they are in favor of plunking down a trailer on an acre of land. also, 1 point doesn't seem high enough.
Also some weight should be added to Wal-Mart supercenters for their prominence in rural areas. In addition to DeVry, you should include other technical trade schools like ECPI, etc...
I live in Roanoke VA which is absolutely RIFE with white trash, and ours came out at 221, possibly only because it has listed only 3 trailer parks. I know of at least 2 more that google maps can't find, but the area is encircled by trailers on plots of land. I also propose a Big Lots and Fashion Bug penalty.
Boise Idaho gets 665
I thought it would be a lot higher considering the sheer number of mullets here.
There are well over 665 mullets within the city limits!!
can't stop laughing at these comments of how Olive Garden is considered upscale dining, also, I lived in Denver for a few years and I would definately rank it higher on the white trash scale just by experience
WUT DO U MEAN ONLEY 380??!?!!!!111 WTF LOL ITS H-TOWN ITS GOTA B LOTS MORA WHIET TRASH THAN TAHT!!11!11
12 MARSHALS X10 = 120
4 OLIEV GARDANS X 10 = 40
20 WALMARTS X 10 = 20
2 DEVRY X 50 = 10
1466 TRALEER PARKS X 1 = 1466
-------------------------------
1926
1926/22!!!11111! OMG LOL ITS 875 BIATCH!11!11 OMG WTF LOL
Ok, I used Dickinson, TX. And the 20 mile radius for Olive Garden and Marshalls, but not Walmarts, otherwise it's 12.
1 Marshalls = 10
2 Olive Gardens = 20
3 Walmarts = 30
844 Trailer parks (I think the formula for finding trailer parks may be flawed there, the town isn't big enough for that many trailer parks) 844
That's 904. Pop (as of 2007) 30,853/1,000,000 = .030853
San Franfreako, CA
1 Marshalls = 10
1 Olive Gardens = 10
0 Walmarts = 0
0 Trailer parks =0
1 Devry = 50
TOTAL: 70
Population 799,000
Score: 56
I'm glad to see we are not white trash. However, maybe you should do another version of this called "How Gay is Your City." That would put the ASS in embarrassing.
Flawed formula. There is no way that San Diego is more white trash than one of the worst cities in America, Detroit. I would rather live south of the border in Tijuana than Detroit.
If you're counting Walmarts within 25 miles, you should probably count population in the same radius. Let's just use the population of Allegheny county, and to be consistent, Walmarts in Allegheny county (8). So,
Olive Garden: 4 x 10 = 40
Walmarts (Allegheny County): 8 x 10 = 80
Marshall's: 5 x 10 = 50
Trailer Parks: 103x1 = 103
Devry: 1x50 = 50
population (1,200,000)
= 323/1.2 = 269
I've lived in or near Pittsburgh most of my life, and I'm not saying that there isn't a loud and proud WT population. What I am saying is that if Pittsburgh is 1264, there aren't numbers big enough to cover the inland South. Or Florida. Just sayin'.
(97 Comments)
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Holy Taco Goes to the Bahamas
March 10th, 2009 at 03:18 pm
why is it the only time in this country you can use racism acceptably is when its about white people?
you never hear anybody say 'black trash'
March 10th, 2009 at 05:48 pm
Because they're called something else?
March 10th, 2009 at 05:48 pm
Kakow!
March 11th, 2009 at 11:23 am
those blacks have it so easy!
March 10th, 2009 at 03:40 pm
Because the playing field isn't equal
March 10th, 2009 at 03:51 pm
i think the formula's off, louisville only comes out to 476, way more white trash then that here. olive garden is an upscale restaurant in kentucky.
March 10th, 2009 at 03:55 pm
"you never hear anybody say 'black trash'"
Thats because you don't take Tautology 101
March 11th, 2009 at 04:31 pm
That's quite funny.
Hardly makes up for the fact that you're apparently another gutless, undercover racist with an chip on his shoulder, but I guess that's your problem.
March 10th, 2009 at 03:57 pm
Whoa whoa whoa, just because I enjoy named brand merchandise at low low prices doesn't mean I'm white trash!
March 10th, 2009 at 04:08 pm
Fargo, North Dakota
#of Olive Garden Restaurants 1x10= 10
#of Wal-Marts 1x10= 10
#of Marshall's Clothing 0x10= 0
#of Trailer Parks 127x1= 127
#of Devry Schools 0x10= 0
Population/1 million 90,599/1,000,000 = .09
Total/Ans 147/.09= 1633.3
I suppose I do eat a lot of casseroles. I never considered it a bad thing. Also, I agree with the others, Olive Garden is a fancy restaurant, and Marshall's has super expensive clothes. Fleet-Farm has much better deals.
March 10th, 2009 at 08:41 pm
How can you have trailer parks in Fargo? Isn't it 20 below every day in winter? I saw the movie, you know. A trailer in winter would be like sleeping outside. Which is I guess what makes it white trash.
I think that real true white trash is a Southern thing. And I have been around it plenty.
March 13th, 2009 at 05:33 pm
You clearly haven't actually been to the midwest. Plenty of white trash trailer parks, just not as many as in the south (which is more than abundant with white trash)
March 10th, 2009 at 04:21 pm
Marin County California = 68.75
March 10th, 2009 at 04:44 pm
So, according to your formula, Austin, Texas is a little white trash. I have to agree. I think we have a little white trash in all of us.
When I entered the zip code, 78745, there were:
3 Olive Gardens
7 Walmarts
4 Marshalls
148 trailer parks
1 Devry
-----------
338
Austin had a population of 743,074 at the time of the 2007 census. When divided by one million, we get .74.
That gives Austin a total of 457. In defense of Marshall's, they have great shoes at very cheap prices. I have no other defense, although, I never knew we had that many trailer parks.
Steph
March 10th, 2009 at 04:57 pm
Decatur, GA
Olive Garden 0
Walmart 1
Marshall's 0
Trailer Parks 0
Devry 1
Total Points: 60
Population: 19,000/1,000,000 = .019
60/.019 = 3157 WINNER!!!
The funniest thing about this result is that if you ask people in Atlanta, Decatur is the lesbian/yuppie town. No one would guess that is secretly redneck heaven.
Also, your math is wrong on Detroit. 371/.917 = 404
March 10th, 2009 at 05:03 pm
Damn. Thanks. That's why we're writers, and not mathers.
March 10th, 2009 at 05:01 pm
Cleveland- 338
March 10th, 2009 at 05:10 pm
Every one of your examples uses the city limits population with the exception of Denver, CO - in which you are using the metro population.
Plug in the actual city limits population of approx 562,000, and your actual White Trash total goes from 201 to 893.
Sorry, I didn't actually believe that Denver was less White Trash than Phoenix...
March 10th, 2009 at 06:41 pm
But if you use that criteria the number of Wal-marts drops to zero and the number of trailer parks drops by at least 100.
March 10th, 2009 at 06:53 pm
Oops, number of Wal-Marts drops to one, not zero (but it's just barely within city limits);).
March 10th, 2009 at 05:56 pm
Orange Park, FL
Olive Gardens- 1
Wal-Marts- 3
Marshalls- 2
Trtailer Parks- 96
Devry- 1
206
20,280/1,000,000 = .02
206/.02 =10,300!!!!
omg... I'm almost in awe......Goddamn DeVry ruins everything.
March 10th, 2009 at 06:33 pm
San Diego would have been higher if you had added "nearby meth labs" to the equation.
March 10th, 2009 at 11:11 pm
I see you're familiar with my birthplace.
March 10th, 2009 at 07:00 pm
Cincinnati, OH
Using metro areas (including Northern Kentucky:
4 Olive Gardens
15 Walmarts
0 Marshall's
116 Trailer Parks
1 DeVry Institute
356/2 (metro pop of about 2 mil) = Very not white trash.
Using just city:
2 Olive Gardens
8 Walmarts
0 Marshall's
116 Trailer Parks
1 Devry Institute
266/.332 = 801
Right on the border between very white trash and some white trash.
March 10th, 2009 at 07:02 pm
Pretty fun,
Though in truly rural areas where white trash is king, trailer parks are in pretty short supply, as they are in favor of plunking down a trailer on an acre of land. also, 1 point doesn't seem high enough.
Also some weight should be added to Wal-Mart supercenters for their prominence in rural areas. In addition to DeVry, you should include other technical trade schools like ECPI, etc...
I live in Roanoke VA which is absolutely RIFE with white trash, and ours came out at 221, possibly only because it has listed only 3 trailer parks. I know of at least 2 more that google maps can't find, but the area is encircled by trailers on plots of land. I also propose a Big Lots and Fashion Bug penalty.
March 10th, 2009 at 07:27 pm
marshalls 1
trailer parks 4
population .06125
West Allis WI---228
March 10th, 2009 at 07:40 pm
Boise Idaho gets 665
I thought it would be a lot higher considering the sheer number of mullets here.
There are well over 665 mullets within the city limits!!
March 10th, 2009 at 08:34 pm
Poughkeepsie, NY = 32
We're not white trash, just ghetto
can't stop laughing at these comments of how Olive Garden is considered upscale dining, also, I lived in Denver for a few years and I would definately rank it higher on the white trash scale just by experience
March 11th, 2009 at 08:09 am
ahahah - i can't believe po-town is below 100. total shocker!
March 10th, 2009 at 08:37 pm
Fayetteville, NC - 470. I thought it would be worse.
March 10th, 2009 at 08:52 pm
I came up with 198 for Sacramento, Ca. Now we all know this is the biggest little hick town in America. I say your formula is faulty.
March 11th, 2009 at 11:34 pm
Sacramento is a little hick town? WTF? The capitol of the left coast is a hick town?
April 9th, 2009 at 01:45 am
No you got it wrong. Biggest little hick town in *CALIFORNIA.
March 11th, 2009 at 12:21 am
Palm Beach, FL is 303.
March 11th, 2009 at 05:37 am
one of the funniest things ever published on interwebs
thank you holy taco!
March 11th, 2009 at 06:19 am
Houston, TX = 380 (A little white trash.)
Marshalls: 18
Olive Garden: 4
Walmart: 20
Devry: 5
Trailer Parks: 166
Population: 2.2 million
March 13th, 2009 at 08:43 pm
WUT DO U MEAN ONLEY 380??!?!!!!111 WTF LOL ITS H-TOWN ITS GOTA B LOTS MORA WHIET TRASH THAN TAHT!!11!11
12 MARSHALS X10 = 120
4 OLIEV GARDANS X 10 = 40
20 WALMARTS X 10 = 20
2 DEVRY X 50 = 10
1466 TRALEER PARKS X 1 = 1466
-------------------------------
1926
1926/22!!!11111! OMG LOL ITS 875 BIATCH!11!11 OMG WTF LOL
March 11th, 2009 at 07:14 am
The first guy who used Houston can't do math.
I used 77053 for Houston and I got 1248.
10 Olive Gardens
4 Marshalls
20 Wal Marts
2 Devry
1343 Trailer parks.
2.15 million population.
March 11th, 2009 at 07:50 am
Ok, I can't do math either. 77053, Houston, would be 829. I was counting Devry as 100 points each.
March 11th, 2009 at 07:44 am
Ok, I used Dickinson, TX. And the 20 mile radius for Olive Garden and Marshalls, but not Walmarts, otherwise it's 12.
1 Marshalls = 10
2 Olive Gardens = 20
3 Walmarts = 30
844 Trailer parks (I think the formula for finding trailer parks may be flawed there, the town isn't big enough for that many trailer parks) 844
That's 904. Pop (as of 2007) 30,853/1,000,000 = .030853
Grand total of.....29,300.
March 11th, 2009 at 08:44 am
I didn't think Denver was White Trash. Its actually pretty White Classy.
Mexican trash on the other hand is very high. How do you measure that?
March 11th, 2009 at 11:42 am
San Franfreako, CA
1 Marshalls = 10
1 Olive Gardens = 10
0 Walmarts = 0
0 Trailer parks =0
1 Devry = 50
TOTAL: 70
Population 799,000
Score: 56
I'm glad to see we are not white trash. However, maybe you should do another version of this called "How Gay is Your City." That would put the ASS in embarrassing.
March 11th, 2009 at 01:06 pm
Dayton Ohio
1,330
Should be way higher.
We're currently working on trying to get more than one Devry.
Mayor of Dayton
Rhine McLin
Please see my picture here: http://lh6.ggpht.com/_4HWeiRfLm7s/RxTDbOKB7OI/AAAAAAAADE4/-6lQ7Tk7Yto/IMG_7927.jpg
Please head the shape of the frames of my glasses.
That is all.
March 11th, 2009 at 01:43 pm
Washington, DC
White Trash Total of 16.9
1 Marshalls
Population of 591,833
April 18th, 2009 at 11:20 pm
KEEP DC BLACK
March 11th, 2009 at 01:50 pm
Canton, OH (44701):
Olive Gardens: 1 = 10
Walmarts: 5 = 50
Marshalls: 1 = 10
Trailer Parks: 163 = 163
Devry Tech: 0 = 0
-----------
Total: 233
Population: 78,319 -----
Divide by: .078
FINAL COUNT = 2987!!!!
March 11th, 2009 at 02:18 pm
Flawed formula. There is no way that San Diego is more white trash than one of the worst cities in America, Detroit. I would rather live south of the border in Tijuana than Detroit.
March 11th, 2009 at 08:26 pm
i live just outside of detroit. detroit is a dump, but it's not "white trash." "white" really isn't a word that would describe detroit.
now, shit. new baltimore, MI: 40,108.0351
white fucking trash.
March 11th, 2009 at 03:36 pm
Pittsburgh
Olive Garden: 4 x 10 = 40
Walmarts (<25 miles): 15x 10 = 150
Marshall's: 5 x 10 = 50
Trailer Parks: 103x1 = 103
Devy: 1x50 = 50
population (311,000)
= 393/.311 = 1264
March 13th, 2009 at 06:08 pm
If you're counting Walmarts within 25 miles, you should probably count population in the same radius. Let's just use the population of Allegheny county, and to be consistent, Walmarts in Allegheny county (8). So,
Olive Garden: 4 x 10 = 40
Walmarts (Allegheny County): 8 x 10 = 80
Marshall's: 5 x 10 = 50
Trailer Parks: 103x1 = 103
Devry: 1x50 = 50
population (1,200,000)
= 323/1.2 = 269
I've lived in or near Pittsburgh most of my life, and I'm not saying that there isn't a loud and proud WT population. What I am saying is that if Pittsburgh is 1264, there aren't numbers big enough to cover the inland South. Or Florida. Just sayin'.
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