Do you know how white trash your city is? To make it easy, we worked up a formula to see where your crappy, redneck-filled town stands in relation to other crappy, redneck-filled towns across the US. Just plug the appropriate numbers into this fomula:
WHITE TRASH SCORING BREAKDOWN:
0-300: Not white trash. We're sure you have tons of other undesirables in your city, but they're most likely not white trash.
301-600: A little white trash. There's probably pockets of your city that have tons of white trash, but most of the city probably doesn't have much.
601-800: Your city is pretty white trashy. Not only are there pockets of white trash, but there's a fair amount of white trash in every sector. Most likely you can't go very far without hearing the cry of an illegitimate child or seeing a car parked on a lawn.
801-999: Your city is in the white trash elites. You look down on other cities that have "parks" and "libraries."
1000+: Jerry Springer White Trash. Your city is crawling with white trash. The majority of shirts are sleeveless or mesh. You most likely know someone who's had the fact that they fathered a child revealed to them on a talk show. Most times when you sit down to eat, the dish can be described by saying the name of the meat, and adding the word "casserole" to the end of it.
STEP-BY-STEP PROCESS:
We'll walk you through the step-by-step process for you. For this example, we're doing beautiful Phoenix, Arizona.
Step 1: Find a zip code of your city by simply googling your cities name + zip code. For Phoenix, the zip code used is 85001.
Step 2: Go to marshallsonline.com/locator.asp. Type in your city's zip code, in this case 85001. Count all the Marshall's that are within your city's limits. Not county, just metropolitan city. Use your judgement as to what is or is not within your city limits. Luckily for us, our own Justin Thomas is from Phoenix. If you're doing a city you don't know well, use a 20 mile radius. Count up the number of Marshall's. Phoenix has 12.
Step 3: Go to olivegarden.com/locator to find the Olive Gardens in your city. Repeat the same process as step 2. Phoenix has 15.
Step 4: Go to walmart.com and find the store locater. Repeat the same process as step 3. Phoenix has 20 wal-marts.
Step 5: Go To devry.edu and repeat the same process as step 4. Phoenix has three Devry Institutes.
Step 6: Go to google.com, then at the top left, click "maps." Then type in the search "Trailer parks" + Zip code. Then above your search results, there will be a link titled "Mobile Home Parks & Communities," click on that to refine your search so that it's only pulling up trailer parks. Scroll down to the bottom, and above the "NEXT" to see more pages, you'll see a number of results. Write that down. Phoenix has 303.
Here's a couple screengrab to illustrate what you should be looking for in your Trailer Park Google search:
The Number of Results:
Step 7: Move the decimal point of the population left 6 places and divide by that. (For example a population of 3,500,000 would become 3.5).
Now, enter in all the results into the formula. Here's what Phoenix looks like:
With its endless sprawl and lack of any real culture, Phoenix scores pretty high in the White Trash Formula. It's three Devry's and 15 Olive Gardens (15!) really cements its place among white trash communities in America.
Here are a few other examples around the United States.
DENVER, COLORADO:
Despite what you might think, Denver actually scores quite low on the white trash scale. It recovered from a high number of Wal-Marts with a low number of Olive Gardens.
NEW YORK, NEW YORK:
We put NYC's numbers in to see if our formula really worked. With no Wal-Marts and no trailer parks, New York lives up to its reputation of city full of East Coast elites.
ORLANDO, FLORIDA:
No city can recover from double digit numbers of Olive Gardens and Wal-Marts. You throw in two Devry Institutes, which count a whopping 50 points each and you have one of the whitiest, trashiest cities in America.
SAN DIEGO, CALIFORNIA:
San Diego feels like it should score much higher in the white trash formula, but it's deceptively high 1.3 million population keeps it in the mid-level range.
DETROIT, MICHIGAN:
Detroit, while very poor, is much more of a ghetto town than a white trash town. Which is an entirely different formula that we're probably not going to do anytime soon.
CAPE GIRARDEAU, MO:
Since we knoew that the midwest was prime real estate for red neck white trash, we asked Screen Junkies editor, and Missourian, Patrick Schumacker where the epicenter of The Show-Me State's red necks could be found. He said, "Cape Girardeau. No question." Looks like he was right.
So, figure out where your city scores and post the results in the comment section. Those with the highest numbers will win a HolyTaco T-Shirt.
And Please Give This A Digg For Us. Your Diggs Help Keep HolyTaco On The Internets.
I completely agree. I'm originally from Mt Pleasant (Westmoreland County) and now live in a little town in Western NC, and believe me, it is way more WT here than Pittsburgh
Look, if you are going to count Walmarts, olive gardens etc. in the Phoenix Suburbs such as Tempe, Glendale, Scottsdale, Mesa, then you can't just use Phoenix population to divide by. The total population of the phoenix metro area is closer to 3.5 million. so really the phoenix metro areas wt number is actually 264.
Now Phoenix its self has:
2 marshalls - 20 points
3 olive gardens - 30 points
11 walmarts - 110 points
2 devrys - 100 points
110 or so trailer parks - 110 points
total 370 points / 1.5 = 246 = Phoenix Proper.
a lot less than the 616 you incorrectly posted.
You owe phoenix an apology. Plus it wouldn't be as white trash as it is already if WT from all over the country would quit moving here because it's so nice. Thank you.
I am now living in Denver and the earlier post was correct. We are very Buenos Dias around here. However, I hail from a lovely place known to those who have never been as the Gem City--Quincy, IL 62301.
you forgot to mention 'Inhabited by DOG THE BOUNTY HUNTER',which by definition puts Denver,CO-his birthplace,and Honolulu,HI(current residence) at the top of the list...knocking these other sad excuses down a couple of pegs.
Duane Lee "DOG" Chapman,and his brood are certainly the white trashiest of all humankind and deserve some kind of title belt(which they would proudly display on the mantle below their Velvet coyote painting and their nativity scene which is covered in orange cheeto dust.)
I am confused also, shouldn't trailer parks be worth more than 1 point?
I'm pretty sure that would be like asking if you're town is ghetto and only give government funded apartments 1 point. That defines ghetto. Just as trailer parks define white trash.
Interesting...
White Trash Formula
City Name: New Orleans, Louisiana
# of Olive Gardens: 1 X 10 = 10
# of Walmarts: 14 X 10 = 140
# of Marshalls: 2 X 10 = 20
# of Trailer Parks: 60 x 1 + 60
# of Devry Tech Schools: 0 = 0
TOTAL 230
Population Estimate (2008) = 470,000
230/.470 = 489
Now that population number is low because it only counts the people in New Orleans and not the Greater New Orleans Area (the surrounding parishes) whereas if we limited the points to just NOLA then it becomes 170.
In other words, New Orleans itself isn't white trash BUT the region surrounding it is -- which anyone who's been to the Northshore or where the new developments are can attest to how generic they're making it.
Well, my town, Ansted WV has a population of less than 1500, and we have 4 trailer parks. This gives us a score of 2666. To give it another 1 up, our Rite Aid pharmacy sells hard liquor by the fifth.
Okay, I did my home of Boston and ended up with the following:
Marshals: 9 x 10 = 90
Olive Garden: 1 x 10 = 10
Walmart: 0 x 10 = 0
DeVry: 0 x 50 = 0 (not one in the entire state of Mass.)
Trailer parks: 4 x 1 = 4
Total: 104
Metro population: 4.5 million
Total: 104/4.5 = 23.111
I did everything within a 10 mile radius, my basis being that that is what is easily accessible by public transit (not counting the commuter rail which extends to Rhode Island). I used 15 miles for the trailer park search as Google maps did not have a 10 mile option.
If I extend to 15 miles the number jumps up to 54.222, but I don't think that really works because that starts to include places like Lynn and Stoughton that I'm pretty sure are not included in the metro area population figures.
You should probably know I'm pretty shitty at Math (can't be bothered to pay attention to numbers, details. Thanks, ADD.)Luckily, my city gets saved by the high number of Hispanics (myself formely included).
Total 31
Population: 38,420
Score: 806. Not exactly surprised.
Score (On football Saturdays): 281. Our stadium becomes the 3rd largest city in Pennsylvania when Penn State plays. For some reason, I think that might make State College MORE white trash.
Sergio is wrong about there not being any white trash in Europe. One has to measure differently. In Europe they are called hooligans and they assemble in drunken herds at footballs matches. East London may not have a Walmart, but it is white trash heaven. Oh, and Greece.
If you live in the South try this little experiment.
Go to a Walmart while the Super Bowl is being played. It'll be humming. Especially considering that it's a Sunday night. Then go back to that SAME Walmart a week or two later while the Daytona 500 is being run. They might as well be closed! There'll be virtually NO customers there! That is THE time to go to Walmart. Make your list in advance & stock up, so that you don't have to go again until next year.
I'm not really sure what Devry has to do with white trach- plenty of places with crazy high scores have no Devry's- and plenty of places with them (like NYC) aren't white trash at all. It doesn't seem to relate.
Someone else mentioned Nascar tracks- now that seems like a perfect addition...
Funny story, A couple years ago on my side of town a large Trailer park was demolished and residents displaced in order to build a 2nd super walmart. The original walmart now sits empty just next to it with grass growing in the parking lot and empty strip malls to the left and right.
I don't think this works for small towns...I live in a pretty white trashy place but since we have no Olive Garden, Walmart, Devry, or Marshalls, our score is way too low. Sad we don't get the recognition we deserve.
(97 Comments)
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Holy Taco Goes to the Bahamas
April 17th, 2009 at 02:01 pm
I completely agree. I'm originally from Mt Pleasant (Westmoreland County) and now live in a little town in Western NC, and believe me, it is way more WT here than Pittsburgh
March 11th, 2009 at 04:49 pm
Farmville, Virginia = 11,980!!!
March 11th, 2009 at 05:18 pm
Look, if you are going to count Walmarts, olive gardens etc. in the Phoenix Suburbs such as Tempe, Glendale, Scottsdale, Mesa, then you can't just use Phoenix population to divide by. The total population of the phoenix metro area is closer to 3.5 million. so really the phoenix metro areas wt number is actually 264.
Now Phoenix its self has:
2 marshalls - 20 points
3 olive gardens - 30 points
11 walmarts - 110 points
2 devrys - 100 points
110 or so trailer parks - 110 points
total 370 points / 1.5 = 246 = Phoenix Proper.
a lot less than the 616 you incorrectly posted.
You owe phoenix an apology. Plus it wouldn't be as white trash as it is already if WT from all over the country would quit moving here because it's so nice. Thank you.
March 13th, 2009 at 05:32 pm
Nope, you sufficiently reinforced the fact that Phoenix is white trash - no apology needed
March 11th, 2009 at 07:05 pm
Moron. You need to check your figures on Phoenix.
The population of the phoenix metro area is waaaaay more than 1.5 million.
Phoenix is the 5th largest city in the USA by population, and the largest in the USA by land mass.
March 11th, 2009 at 11:40 pm
pinhead, phoenix is the #10 largest city by land area in the country. get your facts straight you moron.
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/List_of_United_States_cities_by_area
phoenix is a piss hole.
March 11th, 2009 at 07:50 pm
Kansas City, KS = 2891
March 11th, 2009 at 10:26 pm
Warrenton, Tx
Dont got hardly nothing in town but wal-mart is right down the road about 15 miles.
#of Olive Garden Restaurants 0x10= 0
#of Wal-Marts 1x10= 10
#of Marshall's Clothing 0x10= 0
#of Trailer Parks 0x1= 0
#of Devry Schools 0x10= 0
Population/1 million 60/1,000,000 = 6x10^-5
Total/Ans 11/6x10^-5 = 183,333!
March 12th, 2009 at 10:34 am
I am now living in Denver and the earlier post was correct. We are very Buenos Dias around here. However, I hail from a lovely place known to those who have never been as the Gem City--Quincy, IL 62301.
#of Olive Garden Restaurants 0x10= 0
#of Wal-Marts 2x10= 20
#of Marshall's Clothing 0x10= 0
#of Trailer Parks 75x1= 75
#of Devry Schools 0x10= 0
Population/1 million 40,366/1,000,000 = .040366
Total/Ans 95/.040366= 2353.466
And after the Olive Garden is complete we will be pushing 2600pts. Go fck yourselves San Diego.
March 12th, 2009 at 10:49 am
Chattanooga, TN
olive garden = 2
walmart = 12
marshalls = 2
trailer parks = 47
devry = 0
total = 207
population 496,000 metro
chattanooga = 417
something is amiss... my hometown...
olive garden = 0
walmart = 1
marshalls = 0
trailer parks = 5
devry = 0
population = 5681
ooltewah = 3000 ha
March 12th, 2009 at 11:10 am
you forgot to mention 'Inhabited by DOG THE BOUNTY HUNTER',which by definition puts Denver,CO-his birthplace,and Honolulu,HI(current residence) at the top of the list...knocking these other sad excuses down a couple of pegs.
Duane Lee "DOG" Chapman,and his brood are certainly the white trashiest of all humankind and deserve some kind of title belt(which they would proudly display on the mantle below their Velvet coyote painting and their nativity scene which is covered in orange cheeto dust.)
March 12th, 2009 at 12:10 pm
Holy Taco, you guys know how to piss people off.
1. Start with white trash.
2. Then relate that to peoples hometowns.
3. Add numbers into the mix.
4. Sit back and watch motherfuckers bitch!
Good stuff.
March 12th, 2009 at 12:22 pm
I am confused also, shouldn't trailer parks be worth more than 1 point?
I'm pretty sure that would be like asking if you're town is ghetto and only give government funded apartments 1 point. That defines ghetto. Just as trailer parks define white trash.
March 12th, 2009 at 04:58 pm
who is the most famous person from cape girardeau: rush limbaugh. coincidence?
March 13th, 2009 at 02:51 pm
Im confused, can someone tell me why Olive Garden has anything to do with white trash?
March 13th, 2009 at 05:34 pm
if you have to ask....
March 14th, 2009 at 10:26 am
Interesting...
White Trash Formula
City Name: New Orleans, Louisiana
# of Olive Gardens: 1 X 10 = 10
# of Walmarts: 14 X 10 = 140
# of Marshalls: 2 X 10 = 20
# of Trailer Parks: 60 x 1 + 60
# of Devry Tech Schools: 0 = 0
TOTAL 230
Population Estimate (2008) = 470,000
230/.470 = 489
Now that population number is low because it only counts the people in New Orleans and not the Greater New Orleans Area (the surrounding parishes) whereas if we limited the points to just NOLA then it becomes 170.
In other words, New Orleans itself isn't white trash BUT the region surrounding it is -- which anyone who's been to the Northshore or where the new developments are can attest to how generic they're making it.
March 14th, 2009 at 07:21 pm
Well, my town, Ansted WV has a population of less than 1500, and we have 4 trailer parks. This gives us a score of 2666. To give it another 1 up, our Rite Aid pharmacy sells hard liquor by the fifth.
March 16th, 2009 at 08:40 pm
Jacksonville, NC (74,618)
Olive Gardens: 1 = 10
Walmarts: 2 = 20
Marshalls: 1 = 10
Trailer Parks: 79 = 79
Devry Tech: 0 = 0
-----------
Total: 119
Population: 74,618 -----
Divide by: .074
FINAL COUNT = 1608
I did not need this quiz to let me know that my hometown is white trash.
March 20th, 2009 at 11:50 pm
Fayetteville, AR is 815. Jesus!
March 28th, 2009 at 04:55 pm
I thought Las Vegas would have scored higher:
Marshalls: 6
Olive Garden: Only 4
Mall-Warts: 20
DeVry: 1 (in Henderson)
Trailer Parks: A mere 40
Base score: 390
Population: 1.84 million (including Henderson)
White trash score: a paltry 212
No t-shirt for me!
March 31st, 2009 at 08:00 am
Okay, I did my home of Boston and ended up with the following:
Marshals: 9 x 10 = 90
Olive Garden: 1 x 10 = 10
Walmart: 0 x 10 = 0
DeVry: 0 x 50 = 0 (not one in the entire state of Mass.)
Trailer parks: 4 x 1 = 4
Total: 104
Metro population: 4.5 million
Total: 104/4.5 = 23.111
I did everything within a 10 mile radius, my basis being that that is what is easily accessible by public transit (not counting the commuter rail which extends to Rhode Island). I used 15 miles for the trailer park search as Google maps did not have a 10 mile option.
If I extend to 15 miles the number jumps up to 54.222, but I don't think that really works because that starts to include places like Lynn and Stoughton that I'm pretty sure are not included in the metro area population figures.
April 17th, 2009 at 10:39 am
The Metro population for Boston goes much further than 15 miles. To get 4.5 million you're going as far out as Nashua NH.
April 1st, 2009 at 07:07 pm
My hometown, Miami.
Olive Gardens: 1
Walmarts: 10
Marshalls: 17
Trailer Parks: 10
Devrys: 2
Total: 390
Popluation: 2,387,170
Score: 163.4
You should probably know I'm pretty shitty at Math (can't be bothered to pay attention to numbers, details. Thanks, ADD.)Luckily, my city gets saved by the high number of Hispanics (myself formely included).
April 1st, 2009 at 07:20 pm
Now State College, my current town of residence (WE ARE! PENN STATE!).
Olive Gardens: 1
Walmarts: 2
Marshalls: 0
Trailer Parks: 1
Devrys: 0
Total 31
Population: 38,420
Score: 806. Not exactly surprised.
Score (On football Saturdays): 281. Our stadium becomes the 3rd largest city in Pennsylvania when Penn State plays. For some reason, I think that might make State College MORE white trash.
April 3rd, 2009 at 08:09 am
Boone, NC (home to Appalachian State)
Olive Gardens: 0x10 = 0
Walmarts: 1x10 = 10
Marshall's: 0x10 = 0
Trailer parks: 31x1 = 31
Devry Institutes: 0x50 = 0
Total: 41
Population: 14,717
41/0.014717= 2785.89
Yowza.
April 15th, 2009 at 07:23 pm
Kansas City metro area
5 Olive Gardens @ 10 pts each = 50
5 Marshall's @ 10 pts each = 50
20 Wal-Marts @ 10 pts each = 200
96 trailer parks @ 1 pt each = 96
2 Devry Institutes @ 50 pts each = 100
BUT...I have a new and very important category you guys left out!!
# of Nascar speedways: _1_ x 200 pts = 200
TOTAL = 696 / 2 (as in 2 million people in the entire metro) = 348
Suck it Detroit!
April 15th, 2009 at 07:26 pm
NO wait Nascar should be 500 pts easy, so that's 996/2=498!
Much better,.
April 16th, 2009 at 11:45 am
Oslo, Norway
Olive Garden restaurants: 0
Walmarts: 0
Marshall's Clothing Stores: 0
Trailer Parks: 0
Devry Technical Schools: 0
= 0
The Greater Oslo area has a population around 1 million,
but it doesn't matter, as the White Trash Score is 0!
Same goes for London, England and Moscow, Russia, and every other European city. This means there is no white trash in Europe. I'm glad I live here!
April 17th, 2009 at 05:51 am
Just euro-trash, which really isn't much better. Enjoy all the track suits!
April 18th, 2009 at 05:51 am
Sergio is wrong about there not being any white trash in Europe. One has to measure differently. In Europe they are called hooligans and they assemble in drunken herds at footballs matches. East London may not have a Walmart, but it is white trash heaven. Oh, and Greece.
April 17th, 2009 at 05:49 am
If you live in the South try this little experiment.
Go to a Walmart while the Super Bowl is being played. It'll be humming. Especially considering that it's a Sunday night. Then go back to that SAME Walmart a week or two later while the Daytona 500 is being run. They might as well be closed! There'll be virtually NO customers there! That is THE time to go to Walmart. Make your list in advance & stock up, so that you don't have to go again until next year.
April 18th, 2009 at 02:23 am
Branson, Missouri: A whopping 8000!
April 18th, 2009 at 11:04 am
Want to know more about Trash and Garbage Weird Facts
April 18th, 2009 at 01:28 pm
My home town has 350 people, and half of them are white trash, though we have none of anything listed.
I don't get it...
April 18th, 2009 at 05:34 pm
I'm not really sure what Devry has to do with white trach- plenty of places with crazy high scores have no Devry's- and plenty of places with them (like NYC) aren't white trash at all. It doesn't seem to relate.
Someone else mentioned Nascar tracks- now that seems like a perfect addition...
April 22nd, 2009 at 12:50 am
hahaha ok well Mark Richards is obvioulsy a Devry graduate with spelling such as "trach"
April 18th, 2009 at 07:56 pm
Austin Texas
Olive Gardens = 4
Wal-Mart = 11
Marshall's = 1
Trailer Park = 7
DeVry = 1
Population 759K
==============
289
April 19th, 2009 at 07:55 am
Winston-Salem, NC:
Walmarts: 4
Olive Gardens: 1
Marshalls: 1
Devry: 0
Trailer Parks: 81
Population: 215,341
-----------------
Score: 654
April 19th, 2009 at 08:38 am
My home town of Jamestown, New York scores a 4,400 - all without a single olive garden, marshalls, or Devry campus. Classy.
April 19th, 2009 at 03:01 pm
I can't believe no one has done Philadelphia yet:
Olive Gardens (the OG as we call it) 4
Wal-Mart 4
Devry 2
Trailer Parks 0 (that's a shame)
Population 1.5 million (approx)
That comes to a deceivingly low 310
I think south Jersey would win with their bridge and tunnel hair! (but don't have the time)
April 21st, 2009 at 10:52 am
Hampton Roads, VA
193.75
April 22nd, 2009 at 08:15 am
Nashville, TN - 634
I made an Excel Calculator since I'm lazy.
http://www.mediafire.com/?dt3llwkjyxi
April 25th, 2009 at 05:15 pm
hahaha. trailers! http://trailerfun.blogspot.com
May 14th, 2009 at 07:35 pm
Anchorage, Alaska
Olive gardens: 0 = 0
Walmart: 2 = 20
Marshals:0 = 0
trailer parks: 5 = 5
DeVry:0 = 0
280,000/1mil=.28
25/.28= 89
May 20th, 2009 at 11:34 pm
Indianapolis, Indiana
Olive Gardens: 4 = 40
Walmarts: 8 = 80
Marshalls: 5 = 50
Trailer Parks: = 184
Devry Tech: 1 = 50
--------------------
Total: = 404
Population: 795,458
Final = 507 PTS
Funny story, A couple years ago on my side of town a large Trailer park was demolished and residents displaced in order to build a 2nd super walmart. The original walmart now sits empty just next to it with grass growing in the parking lot and empty strip malls to the left and right.
August 15th, 2009 at 09:27 pm
I don't think this works for small towns...I live in a pretty white trashy place but since we have no Olive Garden, Walmart, Devry, or Marshalls, our score is way too low. Sad we don't get the recognition we deserve.
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