I Had A Dream Like This Once…

From People.com

Paris Hilton was at the center of a bizarre nightclub incident when she comforted an entertainer in an Oompa-Loompa costume injured when the crowd rushed the stage. Hilton, coincidentally, is friends with Robin Sherwood, the Oompa Loompa, and had visited him earlier in the day during rehearsals. Turns out Sherwood is in dire need of a kidney transplant and Hilton, her sister Nicky Hilton, and her boyfriend David Katzenberg have supported a foundation to facilitate the operation.

If you believe this then I have shocking news. Here’s a transcript of a conversation between Paris Hilton and her publicist, the night before.

PARIS: I need to get back in the news in a positive way.

PUBLICIST: I don’t think it’s gonna happen. I checked with Satan and he said he’s through doing stuff for you. He also said you can have your soul back, it smells like cigarettes and ejaculate.

PARIS: What if I did a charity event?

PUBLICIST: Hello?! Are you not listening? I don’t care if you saved a f*&*ing Oompa Loompa in need of a kidney transplant from being killed by an angry mob, people are still going to….wait a minute…